Season 5 | Quickie 42 | This is Your Sex Life...With Corene Lavhan

 
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SHOW NOTES
​This week, Erica and Kenrya talk to Mommy Hour podcast host Corene Lavhan about ​sex after childbirth, raiding the kids' snacks post-sex and chasing your happy.
​
​RESOURCES
Guest, Corene Lavhan | Instagram  
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TRANSCRIPT
Kenrya: Come here. Get off.
 
[theme music]

Kenrya: Hey, y'all. Today we're talking to the Corene Lavhan, pronouns she and her. Corene's a mommy advocate and host of the Mommy Hour podcast. She encourages Black mothers to mother on their own terms by transparently talking about the ups and the downs of the motherhood journey.

Kenrya: Hey, thanks for coming on.

Corene Lavhan: Hi.

Kenrya: Yeah, we're happy to see you.

Corene Lavhan: Thanks for having me.

Erica: So Corene, we told you we going to jump right on in your parts.

Corene Lavhan: Let's go.

Erica: When do you first remember masturbating, and what was your preferred technique?

Corene Lavhan: Oh, my earliest memory. I feel like I've always been just a sexual being. I feel like just Black women are just sexual beings. We're just sexual. And so I've always touched myself. Since I was younger, I remember like 8, 9, 10, just touching myself, just like, what is that? What is happening down there? Oh, that feels good. And then I remember probably masturbating, I don't remember the exact age, but I would say around middle school is when I was just like, okay, this is getting heightened. This is getting heightened. And full-on masturbation was probably like 16.

Erica: Okay. So were you a humper, were you using your hands?

Corene Lavhan: Hands was a go-to. I remember humping a little bit, but I just remember more of hands than humping.

Erica: Okay.

Corene Lavhan: Or fingers.

Kenrya: So how old were you when you had your first kiss?

Corene Lavhan: My first kiss, I was in seventh grade. Maurice. I don't remember his last name. But yes, I was in the seventh grade, and I was kissing in the library, and I looked up and the library and was watching everything. I was in the seventh grade, so I was 12.

Kenrya: Yeah. I always be trying to like... I always have to do that calculation. I'm not one of those people who can remember how old you are in any given grade. Be having to think hard.

Corene Lavhan: Yeah.

Erica: So how old were you when you had a sense of your gender identity? Did you always know you were she, her?

Corene Lavhan: Yeah, I've always, like I said, I feel like I've always been connected to my femininity. It's always been present. I remember wanting to have boobs. I remember just thinking that women were just beautiful, and then just Black women are just beautiful. So yeah, I've always been connected to my femininity, and just aware of who I am as a woman. Not necessarily always having the confidence, but just always knowing that like, oh yeah, I'm going to probably have babies eventually.

Erica: So what about your sexual identity? When did you first get a sense of that?

Corene Lavhan: You said sexual?

Erica: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Corene Lavhan: Okay. Like I said, I feel like I've always been aware of things. I remember me and my sister finding pornos in my parents' room when we were in elementary school.

Erica: Don't you think like, “Damn, I have to be better at this shit than my parents were?”

Corene Lavhan: You would think. So I feel like sex has just always been a thing. And I remember being in the seventh grade, or maybe eighth grade is when it all started. Because I was in the summer program and we were out of town and we traveled every summer together. And it was a group of the leaders and the young adults. And when I say young adults, I mean like freshman in college, like the younger, younger adults. And we just had this long sex talk. And I mean, it was deep. I mean, we covered everything. We covered masturbation, we covered oral sex, we covered sex. We covered orgies. I mean, we covered everything. And for one of the few people who was not yet sexually active, I was like... I mean, my jaw was on the floor.

Corene Lavhan: So I feel like after that, I was like, oh, this is a world that I thought I knew what was happening, but once you hear people around you who look like you normalize the things that you didn't grow up talking about, it just introduces it in a different way. So I feel like around 13 is when I was just like, oh, okay. Okay, we can do a lot of things with this. We can go a lot of places with this. So yeah, I'd say around like 13.

Kenrya: Is that-

Erica: So...

Kenrya: Go ahead.

Erica: I was going to ask, as parents, some people freak out about like, I don't want my kid being exposed to anything too soon. Looking back on that, do you think that that was the right time? Looking back on that as a kid, and now also as a parent, how do you feel about how those conversations, and where you were, and were you ready to receive it?

Corene Lavhan: As a parent, I feel like we shield too much. I grew up in a Pentecostal family. And it was... I never remember my grandmother wearing a skirt. I mean, wearing anything but a skirt, only wearing pants. So it was a very, very strict environment when it came to certain topics. And of course sex was one of them. So I feel like I could have been introduced to things way earlier, because I mean to this day, I still have never had a sex talk with my parents. We never had like a formal-

Erica: Two kids in.

Corene Lavhan: Two kids in. We never had a sex talk with me and my sister. And then when my brothers came along, I don't know what they did with them, but me and my sister never had a sex talk with my parents. And so I feel like that can be problematic, because that leaves you room to figure it out on your own. So for me, with two kids, I'm just there's no way that I can allow my children to become adults without addressing any of it. And I don't want that like, if you need anything, you know you can talk to me. No. Because I'm not going to talk to you. And I didn't talk to them.

Corene Lavhan: So I definitely feel like things could have been introduced a lot earlier, and I'm very mindful of that. I mean, you were on my podcast talking about what we need to say to our kids, because I think that it's really, really important to equip our kids with the knowledge so that they know what they're getting into. Because if you just leave them out to just figure it out, they're going to figure it out through their friends, they're going to figure it out through social media, they're going to figure it out through the internet. And I'm just not interested in those entities being my teachers. So I'm interested in... I like and I appreciate tough conversations.

Kenrya: I want to go back a little bit to the question that Erica asked about how old you were when you got a sense of your sexual identity. Was it at that age at 13 when you realized what types of people you were attracted to, or had you discovered that long before then?

Corene Lavhan: So I discovered that long before then. I feel like I remember being attracted to boys in like first grade. First grade I just remember Brandon, I don't remember his last name. He was so cute. I remember since going in to school, being attracted to the cutest boy in the classroom, the cutest boy on the street, playing hide and go seek before the street lights come on. Yeah, I've always been aware of penis.

Erica: The peen. The peen.

Kenrya: So how old were you when you first started experimenting with other folks?

Corene Lavhan: 15. Yeah, 15 is when I... I feel like I'm such a late bloomer, because I just remember in middle school, just the stories that were being shared. And I was just like, I'm just not there yet. But definitely once I got into high school, started having like serious boyfriends, by 15 me and my boyfriend were experimenting.

Erica: I also feel like some of this has to do with... because I feel like kids these days are probably waiting a lot. Although we live in a... we'll say we lived in a more sexual society, yada, yada, yada. I actually feel like I look at the young people in my life, that are like 15, 16, and I don't think they was doing what I was doing at 15, 16. Maybe I am just...

Kenrya: That sounds like wishful thinking.

Erica: No, I ain't going to call out names, but there are young people in my life that I think I'm very open with, are very open with me, and they're not my kids, they're just-

Kenrya: I would just suggest that they are not a representative sample.

Erica: Okay. Because I was going to say, the argument was going to be, it was that whole latchkey kid situation.

Kenrya: [crosstalk 00:12:01]

Erica: Mama's going to be home till five. Between three and five is a long ass time to do some crazy shit. But okay, my bad, my bad. Okay, so tell us about your first time having partnered sex. How old were you? What was it like?

Corene Lavhan: My first time? My gosh...

Erica: We won't share this with your momma.

Corene Lavhan: My first time. Huh?

Erica: We won't share this interview with your mom.

Corene Lavhan: Yes. My first time was... it was a couple of days before my 16th birthday, and I remember it was a fight. I don't remember what fight it was. I forget what fight it was. But it was a fight night, and I was with my boyfriend at the time, and we had been fooling around like months before, a couple months before, or whatever. And I knew that it was going to happen, but I just, I don't know. It wasn't as enjoyable as I thought that it was going to be. I feel like it's so much anticipation for that moment. It's so much anticipation. Like it's just so many talks that you have. It's so many stories that you hear it's. It's so many things, video, pornos that you've seen. It's just so many things that have clouded your head with what this experience may be like. And then when I had my first experience, I was just like, so that's it? So that's it.

Erica: So this is what y'all been talking about?

Corene Lavhan: This is what y'all been talking about? And I remember immediately thinking like, so now that I've done it, it's almost like there was no excitement to continue. Because I mean, he was a virgin as well. I think it was great for me to say that I did it, but it wasn't exciting or anything. I think it was just two 15-year-olds trying to figure out, like explore at the same time. I wasn't as confident as I am now as a woman. Now I'm just like, my friends come to me for all of the sex toys, all of the things. But then I just didn't have that confidence. Again, we grew up in a Pentecostal family. So yeah, it just wasn't as exciting as I thought that it would be. Didn't last long. It just wasn't as what I thought it was going to be.

Erica: Wasn't giving what was supposed to be gave.

Corene Lavhan: I mean, my expectation was high. Yes, the math wasn't mathing. So my expectation was just high. It was just really, really high. Yeah, my expectation was just way higher. I just remember thinking like, we just could have kept doing oral sex here. We didn't have to go all the way. We just could have kept doing oral.

Kenrya: Which is sex on its own.

Corene Lavhan: It is sex on its own. It is sex on its own.

Erica: And good beginner sex.

Corene Lavhan: [crosstalk 00:15:37]

Kenrya: And great queer sex. There's a lot of folks who never have penetrative sex. Still sex.

Corene Lavhan: Yeah. I'm a huge fan of oral. I also don't climax with penetration, so I think that's why I just love-

Kenrya: You're like, we could just do this. Yeah.

Corene Lavhan: I just love oral sex. Yes. I wasted... we could have just, yeah.

Kenrya: Yeah. So that actually leads to our next question. When did you first have an orgasm with a partner?

Corene Lavhan: Okay. So same partner. This was like years later, because I was dating him through high school and then college. So like I said, I went to Howard older. So my first freshman year was my first time having an orgasm. I just remember thinking like, wait this whole time, I thought that we were doing something. I thought you were really, really doing something. And then I had that one orgasm and I was like, there's no way that we can ever do anything without that happening. And I really feel like that was the introduction. The beginning of me just really, really owning my sexuality, and owning just sex, period. Owning me just being a sexual being, and not being ashamed of that, and not being ashamed to talk about it and like it. Yes. Yes, yes.

Erica: Okay, so what three words would you use to describe sex in your teens?

Corene Lavhan: Oh my goodness. Awkward. Stiff. And sometimes it was fun, sometimes.

Erica: Okay.

Corene Lavhan: Sex as a teen happened in a lot of different places. So it was fun. Young, free.

Kenrya: Yeah.

Corene Lavhan: Yeah.

Erica: Okay.

Corene Lavhan: Awkward. Fun. Sometimes stiff, trying to figure it out.

Kenrya: What about in your twenties? What three words would you use there?

Corene Lavhan: For my twenties, I would say rooted.

Kenrya: That could go a couple of different ways. Yeah.

Corene Lavhan: Rooted in a good way. Rooted in a good way. Rooted, because I just feel like right after having my first orgasm, I... we'll get into that later. But yes, twenties, I would say rooted, enjoyable and experimental. Yeah. Erica, your face.

Kenrya: She wants to know about that experimental.

Corene Lavhan: Well, twenties is when I started like really playing with toys. Twenties is when I was just like lubricants, toys, vibrators. That's when me and my husband moved to LA, we were in Hustler, the store Hustler. That's when I just started like...

Kenrya: You're on mute.

Corene Lavhan: Huh?

Erica: Sorry. I was about to say the magazine?

Corene Lavhan: Yeah, they have a store here.

Erica: Yeah, when you said that, I was like, wait, what? Okay. What about your thirties? Give us three words.

Corene Lavhan: Constant, or consistent. Satisfying. And I'm just confident. I'm just confident. Sex is just really important to me, so I'm just all about like doing whatever needs to be done so that we can just enjoy this. Especially after having two kids and you going through a... I went through a huge dry spell after both children, where I wasn't able to have sex for a while, like months. And I had never experienced that before, and so once we got over that hump with the second child, I was like, yeah, we don't ever want to do that again. And so I think it kind of got even more intense and more enjoyable, because we experienced what it was like to not do it on a consistent basis. And it wasn't fun.

Kenrya: Yeah. Were those dry spells physical? Were you just not interested? Hormonal? All those things together?

Corene Lavhan: So after having C-sections, the body was just... it was just completely out of whack. I underestimated everything that my body would go through after having-

Erica: It's a major surgery.

Corene Lavhan: ... after having two damn C-sections. I completely... it was insane. You literally can feel your organs moving back and shit. You can feel everything shifting back, and it takes months to shift back. And then I also had preeclampsia with my second one. So it was just body issues. It was body issues. It was never like... fortunately, I've never been that person that's just like, I hate my body. I've never had those issues. Mine was all from the procedure. So it was literally like the incision was painful. Insertion was painful. Everything was just so, so painful.

Corene Lavhan: So because of that, my body just wasn't ready. And I really used to think people was blowing smoke up my ass when they would say that. Like, after having kids, no, I couldn't do this and I couldn't do that. I'm like, girl, how can't you have sex after kids? But I totally get it now, which is why you should not say what you never would do or wouldn't experience, because you don't know. So yeah, that was a humbling experience, because I never thought that I would be one of those people that would have things to add to that narrative.

Kenrya: Right. So kind of on another note, can you tell us about a sexual experience that you remember fondly?

Erica: I love asking this question.

Kenrya: Yeah, me too.

Corene Lavhan: So it would have to be right before the pandemic. My best friend in Dallas had her 35th birthday party. And so it was the first time that both of our kids were away from us. We had a hotel without them. We had some drinks, it was just a very, very good weekend. And it was the first time where we were just able to have sex with no interruptions, not thinking about somebody coming into the room. And I feel like after you have children, or if someone's in the house or whatever, someone's visiting, it doesn't matter. There's always this level of awareness that you have of other people, and you have to be conscious of somebody hearing you or somebody doing this. When you have a hotel room with no children, you don't care. Like you don't give a shit.

Corene Lavhan: And so it was just our first time being able to have sex and not rush to put our clothes back on, like have sex and just lay there. Have sex and not worry about my child running in to get in bed with me at four o'clock in the morning. And that's a level of freedom that I feel like you just need to experience on that consistent basis. Like it just needs to happen. So yeah, that whole entire weekend of sex was just... it was just magical, because it's almost like we were like newlyweds, because we just didn't have any responsibilities the next morning. We didn't have anything to think about for like four days, and so there was a lot of sex had that weekend.

Erica: So what does your sex life look like now?

Corene Lavhan: So it's a minimum of two times a week, and I think we've just realized that it's just really important. Like I said, after having children we went stints without having sex for a very long time. And we really like each other and we're attracted to each other, and I just feel like it's just important to be consistent with things that you like to do and things that make you feel good. So minimum of two times a week.

Erica: Was this a minimum that you guys [crosstalk 00:26:28] or did it just kind of happen that way?

Corene Lavhan: It just happens. It just happens. But we did used to have dates.

Erica: Okay.

Corene Lavhan: Like we did used to have two days a week, like strict two days a week that we would have sex a week, just to make sure that we wouldn't forget. It's like days run together after you have kids sometimes. And so we used to have like strict days, like Wednesday and Sunday, whatever happens. And it adds excitement, because it's like we know by the end of the night you're going to be having sex.

Corene Lavhan: So now I feel like it just happens now. Kids have gotten older. I feel like we're just in a different space now. So we are consistent. We still like to add toys and lubes and all those things. And it's just... I don't know, I just feel like I'm just really lucky when it comes to sex and in that department. I'm with someone who's not afraid of exploring, who's not intimidated by my sexuality, who's not intimidated by the things that I want to do. I've been told that that's not always common. So I'm just grateful for the consistency and just a healthy sex life. I don't take it for granted.

Erica: Okay. So are there certain times of the day that are best for you to have sex? Like morning, night?

Corene Lavhan: When my children are asleep.

Erica: Whenever that may be.

Corene Lavhan: When my children are asleep. I've tried to do it when they were up and like watching a movie or something like that. But my husband is never relaxed enough and so-

Erica: And kids [crosstalk 00:28:42] you having too much fun. I sense fun being had without me.

Corene Lavhan: “Let me bust into the room.”

Erica: Yeah.

Corene Lavhan: And so I'm so happy that we've never been in a situation, knock on wood, that that has not happened with us. They have not come into the room. Because I just rather them be asleep. Like just go to bed and please do not wake up and let me give you some extra melatonin tonight.

Erica: Okay. And how long does sex typically last between you and your partner?

Corene Lavhan: So that's one thing about me. I'm very sexual, but I don't need to be having sex all day down. I don't need to be having sex all day. I don't need to do it. Foreplay, sex, relaxing, we are good for about an hour. That's about my sweet spot. An hour is like, that's more than just sex. It's foreplay, it's all of the things. But yeah, after an hour, we're ready to eat snacks.

Kenrya: Yes, snacks.

Erica: Get so many fruit snacks.

Corene Lavhan: Go get the fruit snacks. They just went trick or treating, go get me some Twizzlers, some Snickers. I don't need you to be pounding me all day long. I don't need to be riding you all day. I don't. No, no, no, no. Let's get it done. We know what we're doing. We know how to please each other. I don't need you pleasing me for five hours. I just be looking at some people, and not judging, but I'm just like, I just don't have the stamina. I just don't.

Kenrya: Same.

Corene Lavhan: I just don't.

Erica: So I think I know the answer to this, but where do you guys usually do it?

Corene Lavhan: In our room.

Erica: Yeah.

Corene Lavhan: In our room. Yeah.

Erica: Roving little people.

Corene Lavhan: When we lived in DC, we were in a house, so we would do it in different places. But here we're in a smaller space, so we're in our room for the most part.

Erica: Okay.

Corene Lavhan: Yeah.

Kenrya: What is the very best part of your current sex life?

Corene Lavhan: Freedom. Like just freedom to like do whatever I want to do. Freedom to explore. If I want to introduce a new toy, if I want to introduce a new lube, if I want to try a different position, it's just freedom to do whatever makes me happy. And vice versa, whatever my husband wants to do. It's just a solid, unspoken freedom to explore.

Kenrya: And then on flip side, what's the most frustrating part?

Corene Lavhan: I think the most frustrating part is living with two little people.

Kenrya: I figured.

Corene Lavhan: I mean, to be honest, it's like I love my children, but sometimes you just want to have loud, amazing sex that is not going to be heard by other people, or it's not going to wake someone up. And so I feel like that's the one thing that I'm just like, I hope they don't come in. I hope they don't come in.

Kenrya: I was about to say, y'all ain't got no lock on y'all door?

Corene Lavhan: Yeah, we have. But it's like, sometimes you forget. So I feel like that's the one thing, where I'm just like... we don't live close to a lot of our family, so it's not like they're going to grandma's house every weekend. Our kids are with us. So I would say that that's the only thing, I'm like I wish I send y'all to Cleveland.

Erica: You're from Cleveland?

Kenrya: You're from Cleveland?

Corene Lavhan: Or we'd go to Dallas. Yeah, I'm from Cleveland. Are you from Cleveland?

Kenrya: Shut up. Okay, we'll after about what parts. Did not know that. Word. Yeah, I too wish I could send my child to Cleveland from time to time.

Erica: Are there any things in your day that can prevent you from being in the mood?

Corene Lavhan: If me and my husband have a moment, like a spat or... we don't really argue, it's just clear that we're just not vibing, that will ruin everything. Everything for me. That will ruin it. I'm just temperamental. I'm a Gemini. So if the food that I ordered isn't right.

Erica: Me too.

Corene Lavhan: It's like the food that I ordered at the restaurant ain't right, I just have to make sure...

Erica: I asked for cheese, they put the wrong kind of cheese on it. Yeah.

Corene Lavhan: Yes. And it just ruins my mood. And so I'm one of those people, I have to be very, very diligent about chasing my happy, and making sure that I'm being very intentional and not letting things get to me because it will happen. And so I've done a lot of work on myself to like prevent that, because it will just ruin my day. And so, I've just done work to make sure, me and my therapist have talked to make sure that I'm staying on track. But yeah, if anything just... if I got to cuss somebody, it just ruins everything.

Kenrya: That's reasonable.

Corene Lavhan: But I'm doing better with coming back around from that. I don't stay in the moment as long as I used to, because you just realize people are always going to be people, and you either going to let them continue to ruin your day or not.

Kenrya: That's great.

Corene Lavhan: Yeah. People can ruin it. People that you live with, people outside of your house.

Kenrya: So we talked earlier about your younger self and your masturbation habits. Now we want to know about now. So how often do you masturbate now, and what's your favorite technique these days?

Corene Lavhan: I've always been a hand person, for the most part. So I actually like to have sex, and I like to masturbate after we have sex. So that's my go-to. I usually masturbate with my husband, or sometimes I'll before. But it's usually when we're together.

Erica: Okay.

Corene Lavhan: I've had moments where I'll do it without him, but it's like we'll probably have sex that night or something, because it's probably like we went too long without having sex. But yeah, it's usually while we're together.

Erica: Okay. Do you ever have trouble just turning off your day and focusing on bodily pleasure?

Corene Lavhan: Told you I'm temperamental. Yes. Just stress. I don't know, I feel like this is off a little bit, but I feel like last summer with the uprisings, I just really look at myself as a Black woman in a completely different way. And I feel like last summer just really showed me the importance of, like I said, chasing your joy and making sure that you're not letting these outside forces ruin everything for you. And so I really struggle with that sometimes. I really struggle with the Karen that's looking at me while I'm working out in the gym. I really struggle with stuff like that, and that's stuff that I really hold onto, and that can just really just ruin everything for me, and just take me out of the place that I want to be in.

Corene Lavhan: And so it's moments like that, just going throughout life, being with sucky people, it can just really ruin it for me. So those are the times where I have to actively choose me, and choose my pleasure, and choose my happiness. And remember that, like I said, people will always be people. And so you have to... you can't always respond to outside forces and let that ruin your day, because literally every day will be ruined. I literally was working out today and this white woman was just staring. I'm like, what are you looking at? Five years ago I would've cussed her out, but I'm so proud of myself for not allowing something like that to just get to me. Because they know what they're doing. And so I just think it's so important for Black women to be unapologetically happy and just up lift each other, and just always be in tune with our power, because that's why they don't like us.

Kenrya: Word. So if you could snap your fingers and change anything about your sex life, what would it be? One thing.

Corene Lavhan: Just one? Larger bedroom. Like massive.

Kenrya: You want different stations.

Erica: You want swings and stuff, yeah.

Corene Lavhan: Just space. Space, pole, just have it all. Just a very, very intimate feel for the bedroom.

Erica: Okay.

Corene Lavhan: Just space.

Erica: Cool.

Corene Lavhan: Yes.

Erica: So what's a sex best practice you want to share with our listeners?

Corene Lavhan: I feel like it's so important to talk about sex. I really do. I literally had a friend ask me yesterday. She was like, so such and such wanted to know about toys that you use. And I'm like, I feel so honored when people come to me for that, because I feel like we just don't normalize just things that I feel like we should be talking about. Like how do you become a better cook? You talk about recipes, and you swap recipes, and you do things. Grandma passes down her recipe. I feel the same way about sex. Like maybe you not talking to grandma about sex, but you should be talking to Keish and Brittany, like you should be talking about these things.

Corene Lavhan: Because it's important to explore, and explore who you are, with your sexuality, and the things that you want to do, the things that your partner wants to do. You should be talking to yourself, you should be talking to your body, your friends, your partner. I just think talking about sex is so important. That's how I was introduced to so many things, like grown, grown women just talking to me about things and just being very, very open and transparent about a lot of things. A lot of things. I'm a performer, and I was in a show “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf,” and I was the youngest one. I was 19, and I was with women who were like thirties. Some of them had been divorced. I mean, grown women. And they really were just like... it's almost like they forgot I was in the room.

Erica: But that's how you learn, listening to those.

Corene Lavhan: Yeah. I mean, and it's not like they forgot that I was in a room. They honestly, I feel like they were honestly being open, really, really open for me to equip me, and they did. They are the reason why I'm just so... they're some of the reason why I'm just so comfortable with pleasuring myself and normalizing the female body, and not being ashamed of it. Not being ashamed of what makes me feel good. It really is shunned upon, especially amongst Black people. We don't talk about sex, we don't do anything. And I'm like, that's just so backwards to me. I feel like it's just a gateway to so much happiness and so much joy and so much freedom. We weaponize sex in a lot of ways. So I feel like it's just best practice to like talk about it all.

Kenrya: So you've mentioned your toys a few times during this talk. I'm wondering, do you have any must use tools that you might want to recommend to folks?

Corene Lavhan: So I love a good cock ring. I love a good cock ring, vibrating cock ring. I have never, ever been this open. I mean, I know you guys know this, but I love a good vibrating cock ring. I love the way it pleasures my husband. I love the way it pleasures me. The vibration, the sensation. I love warming lubricant. And I just love vibrators. I don't do like... not shunning it or anything, but I don't do really big vibrators. I like smaller vibrators, because you can just manipulate them in different places and do different things. I feel like I'm old school. It's like, give me a little vibrator, give me some good lube, and a cock ring, and we can have a great night.

Erica: Cool. So would you rather give up partnered sex or masturbation?

Corene Lavhan: Masturbation.

Erica: Okay.

Kenrya: What do you hope that folks who listen to this learn from our little walk through your sex life?

Corene Lavhan: To be free. To do what you want to do. To explore. To not let our cultural norms, whether it be as a Black person, as a woman, as queer, whatever, don't let any of the cultural norms or stereotypes stop you from doing what you want to do. Explore, do what you want to do. Explore with who you want to explore with, explore with what you want to explore with. It's your birthright to make yourself happy through sex. I just think it's just so important to just let down any walls that you have, and just allow yourself to be free.

Erica: So what's turning you on today?

Corene Lavhan: Today? So my husband is bald. He has a bald head. And it really is a turn on when he shaves, like when he shaves and it's fresh. And so he just shaved. It's almost like it's a reset button. Like whenever he shaves, it's like a reset button.

Erica: “You fine. You fine. You even finer again.”

Corene Lavhan: “You fine and chocolate.” Yes, yes. Yeah, I saw him... he got dressed today, he was on a call, had his headphones on. I was like, “Yes, okay.”

Erica: Tonight's the night.

Kenrya: All right. So as we wrap up, can you tell folks where they can find you?

Corene Lavhan: Yes. So I am on Instagram at Corene, C-O-R-E-N-E dot L-A-V-H-A-N. Corene Lavhan. Corene.Lavhan.

Kenrya: Dope. And you going to give them any information about your show?

Corene Lavhan: Yes. So the Mommy Hour podcast is available on all platforms, and I am doing a Mommy Hour Wednesday, every Wednesday at 12:00 PM, Pacific standard time. So you can tune in and I'm interviewing moms and just anyone who can contribute to the motherhood journey, and talking about the ups and downs of the motherhood experience.

Kenrya: Dope. Awesome. Thank you so much for coming on and talking to us this week.

Corene Lavhan: Yes. Thank you for having me.

Kenrya: Yay. And thank all of you for listening. That wraps up this week's episode of The Turn On. Y'all take care.

[theme music]
 
Kenrya: This episode was produced by us, Kenrya and Erica, and edited by B'Lystic. The theme music is from Brazy. Hit subscribe right now in your favorite podcast app and at YouTube.com/TheTurnOnPodcast, so you'll never miss an episode.
 
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Kenrya: And don't forget to email us at [email protected] with your book recommendations and your pressing sex-and related questions.
 
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Kenrya: Thanks for listening and we'll see you soon. Holla.