Quickie 21 | Homecoming Dispatches

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SHOW NOTES
In this episode of The Turn On, Erica and Kenrya reminisce about homecoming.

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TRANSCRIPT
Kenrya: Come here. Get off.

Erica: Welcome to this week's episode of The Turn On. And I got to tell y'all something. I am not okay, I am not okay. You want to know why? Because right now, I should be on somebody's yard, in a sweat shirt and some jeans, drunk out of my mind, shaking my ass on somebody that I failed to run up on in college.

Kenrya: Or [repeating 00:00:00:45].

Erica: I am not okay. This is what? Homecoming season and I can't go home. So today, we're going to do quick dispatches from the field, about fond homecoming memories. We thought since we can't really do homecoming and we might as well reminisce on what happened in the past and plot on what will happen in the future.

Kenrya: Yes, I like it.

Erica: So, our first dispatch comes from someone who wanted to remain nameless and she wrote-

Kenrya: Faithful listener.

Erica: Yes. A Faithful listener. So she wrote in. So, Killa.

Kenrya: Let's get it. All right. "Homecoming always provides a sexual freedom of sorts. It's a gathering of which allows anything from a flirtatious walk by of a former wishful flame to a morning after that I did or did it again. Often blamed on the mixture of college besties and alcohol, you mentally allow yourself freedoms that you might not on a regular outing. While this year is different, and there is no homecoming in the true sense of the word. Perhaps it is important to, if not more so important this time, allow yourself a random freedom, just to be in and go with the moment. Even when 2020 has taken the ultimate jump-off rally and excuse away, it's taught us to grab the moment whenever we're able by the balls, both literally and figuratively." Yes, friend.

Erica: Homecoming always taught me, YOLO. There is this meme going around right now, on Instagram and it's like a red cup and it's like, "What's in this cup?" "Just drink it." "Okay." It was like, "A homecoming memoir."

Kenrya: Oh no. That's awful.

Erica: I was laying in bed this morning, scrolling through pictures about where I should be right now. I should be at work, bullshitting, trying to act like I'm getting work done so I can get out this bitch early. So I can go to somebody's random happy hour.

Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative). It is that time.

Erica: Homecoming.

Kenrya: But it is not.

Erica: YOLO, motherfuckers. YOLO. Do you have a homecoming tale you want to share?

Kenrya: I only have one. And I think I shared it on the show already.

Erica: That was a wild night. Because it was one of those situations where we was... Usually when we're out, I keep an eye on Killa. Killa keeps an eye on me. But this year, we both was on one.

Kenrya: We were. Why not? We were single.

Erica: Why not? Right? And my big brother was in town, so he was able to keep an eye on everybody. [crosstalk 00:03:52] So, I was like, "I ain't got to be responsible. Fuck yeah!" So I wouldn't keep an eye on Killa. Killa was in her own world. And I didn't even know that a whole world had been built until she pulls me-

Kenrya: Is this when we're sitting at dinner?

Erica: No. Not even at dinner. I'm drunk in the bathroom. She's like, "Girl, I'm about to leave, go hook up with so and so." I was like, "Wait, what?" So yeah.

Kenrya: At least we follow protocol, drunk and all.

Erica: Yes, we do. And I appreciate that, because we do have friends that will dip off, drunk as shit.

Kenrya: And we'd be looking for their asses in the club all night.

Erica: I definitely have been drunk, cussing a friend out like, "You can't leave without telling me!" So, yeah.

Kenrya: Just very briefly. I spent the day with some folks who were in from out of town, all day long. You know what? I think back though. So, the day before we had spent time with this person, I had my head wrap on, you know what I mean? He weren't even checking for me. And the next day I came out with my hair fluffed out. I had my abs popping.

Erica: Booty juicy.

Kenrya: And he was like... Yeah, exactly. I was like, "Oh, you weren't checking for me yesterday, but now you see all this ass and you interested. That is interesting. But I ain't care because that's all I wanted, so." No, it definitely was like, "How'd this happen?" For everybody. I remember, because we were sitting at dinner and I don't even think you saw all of the-

Erica: Yeah, I didn't. I didn't.

Kenrya: The touching and whispering and whatever that was happening, until I pulled you to the side.

Erica: I didn't. Yeah, I didn't, because I think I was slip in [some nachos 00:05:27], shout out to our homecoming spot. So there's this one spot in DC that we always go to. The food is good. It's not the most amazing Mexican food, but it just-

Kenrya: It's not Mexican.

Erica: It's not, it's Cuban.

Kenrya: No, I think South American. [crosstalk 00:05:47] That was good.

Erica: Anyway. So, it's good food, and the drinks are great. It's just the whole experience about it.

Kenrya: We've been going for like 20 years.

Erica: Easily, 20 years. More than 20 years. So yeah. It is our spot and it's not a homecoming if we don't go there. Either you do it before you get to the yard, after the yard. But that was also the year that our girl did that fancy brunch, that political brunch.

Kenrya: Was it? Oh, I missed it, because I was out with somebody.

Erica: No, you came late.

Kenrya: Oh, okay. I did. I'm thinking about the year before that I was-

Erica: But, yes.

Kenrya: No. That was the Friday before she had... There was something else and I missed it because I was on a date.

Erica: It was dope. Because we got drunk.

Kenrya: We got drunk, we ate good, good for free. Except for a donation, obviously.

Erica: It was good.

Kenrya: That was a good time. But all of that said, I ended up not even having sex because I realized he was too twisted to finish and I believe in consent. So we did a whole bunch of other stuff. And then it was time to do the doing, and he was green and swirling around, I was like, "Oh you can't do this."

Erica: "I'm not trying to catch a case."

Kenrya: Yeah. I was like, "Let me get you some water." Lay you on down. And that was that.

Erica: Yeah. So also, as a mom, I always try to line up my custody weekends with homecoming. Which is kind of fucked up, because although my ex didn't go to Howard, he is very Howard associated.

Kenrya: In the fucking mix.

Erica: Yeah. He always in the mix.

Kenrya: We always see him every year, or every other.

Erica: Every year, we see him. Even when we're divorced.

Kenrya: I feel like the year that we talking about, he handed me a bunch of money for you. And I put it in my fanny pack.

Erica: Yes. He did. I was like, "Okay, thanks." And then he text me. He was like, "Your family in town and you ain't say shit to me." I'm like, "We're not together."

Kenrya: Relax.

Erica: That's the weird relationship we had. But anyway, yes. So, I take precedence because I went to Howard. So, I'm like, "You are a hanger-on, you will have our child and figure out what the fuck happens." So, yeah.

Kenrya: "No problem."

Erica: Because also, I enjoy my home being the spot-

Kenrya: Where people can come hang out after and before [crosstalk 00:08:24].

Erica: ... where we can all congregate, that kind of thing. Or people stay in. I live a lot closer to DC now, but people come and stay and that kind of thing. So, yeah.

Kenrya: Yeah. Fun times.

Erica: Okay. All right. Well, next story is about a good friend.

Kenrya: Yeah. What a wild night.

Erica: Yes.

Dispatch #2: Okay. So, homecoming stories, 2020. When I think back when this particular night, it was so wild. And I just think is something that my friends will never let me live down because not only was there lots of sex, with lots of different people. That sounded really bad. But at least two that night. I also really embarrassed myself on my best friend's elevator in her apartment. So, one of my hoes was in town from New York, and he came to homecoming every year. And he was very good friends with one of my other girlfriend's old dude that she used to do it. So we would all hang out, we'd go party in the club and all that good stuff. We had the best time. So, it was one particular homecoming. He was in town, but I was also dating somebody in DC that I was sleeping with regularly, and we were having all these crazy sexcapades and all that good stuff. Long story short, I slept with both of them that night. I literally went from one to two the next day.

Dispatch #2: And in between all of that, I was drunk as hell. It'd probably was one of the drunkest nights of my life that I can recall. While I'm waiting at my best friend's house to go on the elevator, I'm like, "I got to pee. I got to pee. I got to pee." So, anyone who knows me, I really can't to hold my bladder like that. So, I ended up peeing on my best friend's elevator, in her whole apartment complex. Fast forward, two or three years later, she would always remind me of that night because her dog would get in the elevator, he would sniff in the same spot where I peed. She wouldn't let me live it down. So, homecoming that year was lit. Her elevator was lit, and all is well.

Erica: Yeah. Once you're a woman of a certain age, moral of the story is your bladder ain't shit. Especially when you're drunk.

Kenrya: Hers has gotten worse over the years.

Erica: But here's the thing, your friends will have you in some bullshit, in some-

Kenrya: Hyping your ass up.

Erica: You'll be like, "How the fuck is this?" But you can't be but so mad because you're like, "You know what, at some point you're going to be taking care of me." So, all you can do is just help your homegirl, hold on to a little bit of dignity as Jesus walk her out of the club. I call it Jesus walk, because you got one hand around each person, and you're getting dragged, like you are a crucifix. So blasphemous.

Erica: But yeah. My girls definitely had me in some bullshit for homecoming. You know what, sometimes it'd be some good shit like, "Oh my God, what the fuck happened?" Let me tell you my homecoming story. So, I had a girlfriend and, again, it's one of those things. My girlfriend had a guy that she was dealing with. He have his homeboys come down from New York. I think they was from New York, or I don't fucking know. His homeboys came from out of town. They come from homecoming each year. They always come in town. So, it was like, year after year I was running into the same dude. Sometimes we fool around. We might kiss, or make out, dry hump, eat my pussy.

Kenrya: Wait, who is this? Wait.

Erica: Let me finish the story, and then I'll tell you names.

Kenrya: All right.

Erica: So, homecoming come around and this was when Beyoncé just dropped... Which album had “Freakum Dress” on it?

Kenrya: “4”?

Erica: No, it wasn't “4.” It was “B'Day.”

Kenrya: Yes.

Erica: She had just dropped “B'Day” and we was getting ready to go to Dream, bitch. And this was when I was living right on the strip. So everybody came to my house. It was hype (singing). We was litty like a mother fucking titty.

Kenrya: Yeah, I remember this.

Erica: So, we get to the club, we just kicking it, kicking it, kicking it, running to dude and his crew, and we kicking it. You always got to go to eat. So we went to eat after that. After we went to eat, you remember that scene in an [Insecure 00:13:22] where the girl was getting finger fucked at the table?

Kenrya: Yes.

Erica: It was very reminiscent of that. And so we knew it was not time to go home. I don't know where they were staying. I had like a million motherfuckers staying in my house. So I was like, "I know we can't go to my house and pop off." So bitch, we checked into a hotel room in Chinatown looking like straight hoes. Yeah, bitch. We pulled up in that bitch. Because was when I was much smaller, so I wore it was like a little t-shirt. I had on a fucking t-shirt, a little clutch and that was it. And we like, "We need a room."

Erica: I didn't have a fucking toothbrush. He was just like, "We got shit to do girl." And my homegirl, she with her dude. They do the same thing. Bitch, I woke up the next morning and it was like, "Where are my panties?" I was like, "Where the fuck am I?" I couldn't even remember where I was. I had to look out, I poked out the window and I saw a sign with Mandarin letters on it. And I was like, "Chinatown. We're in Chinatown." Oh, so then I texted my girl. I was like, "So..." She was like, "Yeah, I'll meet you in the lobby. Let's get some orange juice and head home."

Kenrya: You's funny.

Erica: So yeah. That was fucking around with my home girls. I can only imagine what this hotel check-in, they'd probably see it all, but it was legit on some like... We stumbled in that bitch, and all I had was an ID, $20, and a credit card.

Kenrya: Only the essentials.

Erica: The essentials. We even had to call up for fucking toothbrushes. So yeah, every time I pass that Red Roof Inn in Chinatown and I'm like, "Good memories, except I don't remember them all."

Kenrya: Oh, no. You don't remember shit.

Erica: Okay. Let's listen to our next dispatch.

Dispatch #3: Homecoming experiences. I think probably the best story I have, because I thought about it. I had a few. But I think this is probably the best one. It wasn't often that I hit homecoming season and wasn't in a relationship because I'm always in a relationship. But one homecoming after I graduated, I think maybe two or three years after we graduated, I don't really remember, came in town, was super excited to see everybody and ran into my old man sugar daddy out and about. And, of course, he was like, "Yo, how you've been?" Whatever, whatever. Dipped off to his house, there was no sex involved. But it usually wasn't sex involved with him. He was just really into oral sex. That really just legit was his thing.

Dispatch #3: And he was really good at it. So, it made sense that that was his thing. So, I did that, got clothes back on, fluffed my hair back up, went back out, hit the yard, like ain't shit happening. Of course, on the yard then I ran into somebody that there used to be old fling with. We chatted, of course he was like, "Come back to the hotel." And I was like, "Nah, I'm on my girls'." Because, at the time, I was like I just can't be bothered. I don't want to. I really had no intentions on coming home, coming to [your room 00:17:25], hooking up with anybody. I was finally single. I was hanging out with my girls. I couldn't be bothered.

Dispatch #3: But of course he continued to text me for the entire day. So, staying at my girls' house, and he's texting me [while 00:17:50] am I getting ready to go out. So, I was like, "Whatever, just come over." So, I sent him the address to her place. He came, I went outside to the car, to the truck. We got in the backseat. We had sex, I sent him on his way. It was basically like, "Leave me alone. Here's something. Don't touch me no more." But little did I know that it wasn't going to end there, because [they 00:18:14] never get enough.

Dispatch #3: So anyway, went back in the house, cleaned herself up. We went out. Of course he just continued to text me the entire night, the rest of the weekend. Then I ran into my ex and, of course, he was like, "So what's up? How you been?" And I was like, "Nah, not trying to hear it." That night, I did go home with my girl. She didn't come back to her house. Well, no. She came back, the then she left. So, she left me there. But then the next night I did hook up with my ex, and then we talked about getting back together for a little while and then [inaudible 00:19:00]. This is what it is. Let's just call it a day. So yeah, that homecoming weekend, there was the sugar daddy oral sex, the fling car sex, and then the ex, his house. But yeah.

Dispatch #3: Oh, how we've evolved. And I cannot believe people are not getting homecoming seasons this year. Actually, I feel bad for people that are single and look forward to homecoming. So they can relive the glory days. And now there's no homecoming.

Erica: All right. So this one is hilarious because one, if it ain't homecoming if you ain't putting miles on that pussy. This was rode hard and put away wet.

Kenrya: She had fun.

Erica: She did. But also her story made me think, navigating homecoming season with a boo.

Kenrya: Which was usually my case, which is why I ain't got a whole bunch of stories. I had a few.

Erica: So, I was either married or I wasn't with you. I'm kind of one of those, either we together or we not type things. I'm trying to think other than when I was married or engaged or dating my husband, I don't think I really had a homecoming where I was with somebody, with somebody, or if I was, I wasn't checking that hard for him because... But yeah. And even the ones that I was married or engaged, like "Nigga, this, my homecoming. You better figure that shit out, or I'll catch you on the flip side." We like run into each other, but we was like "We going out together." It was like, "Hey." [crosstalk 00:21:29] He would send a bottle over to the table and buy me and my girls drinks. But no, what are you doing? This is my homecoming.

Kenrya: This is our time. Exactly. I, for some of them, was involved with folks who actually went to our school. So they would be at homecoming, but with their crew, and I'd be at homecoming with my crew. Sometimes we would be, "Oh, we're at this place." And they will come over with their friends and we would mingle, that kind of thing. But nah. It's always, "You with your people, mister."

Erica: Most of our girls' husbands are homeys and they kick it hard with us. And we actually have a few husbands-

Kenrya: Pouring drinks.

Erica: Yeah. Like, "You didn't go to Howard?" And we have a few husbands that are like, "Okay, you have earned an Howard shirt at homecoming." Like you might have Howard shirts, but you've earned this one because you have set up for enough baby showers, broke down for enough [inaudible 00:22:26] reunions, and held enough purses and jackets.

Kenrya: Acted as a bartender for the tailgate, all of that. Yeah.

Erica: Yeah. Most importantly, they bring their fine ass friends around.

Kenrya: That they do.

Erica: That they do. So, we take our hat to you. Also what was crazy to me is how she mentioned she had this old man and he was like, "I ain't trying to fuck. I'm just trying to eat yo pussy."

Kenrya: Which definitely made me think of you.

Erica: Girl, I'd love me an old man with a kink. "Oh, that's how we doing it? I just got to sit here? Okay, cool. Have fun. Go at it?" And last, I love how again, she noted that your girls always encouraged some fuck shit. I remember that particular homecoming, and I remember her not being with anyone and she's like, "I'm going to kick it with my girls. I'm going to kick it with my girls." I'm just like, "Bitch, if you don't get the fuck on some dick, I want to see you at the fool. I want to see you at the donkey."

Kenrya: Now is your chance.

Erica: Now is your chance. Go at it. Have fun.

Kenrya: It's encouraged.

Erica: So, all that to say, homecoming season, we putting some miles on them pussies, and I promise you next week, next homecoming season, I plan on making up for a lost time. Because you know what? Sorry. I was trying to wrap it up, but I remember-

Kenrya: Changed your mind

Erica: When I first got diagnosed, it was in December and I kept telling everybody like, "I'm going to be Gucci by homecoming. We got this, this, this. My hair going to be back. I'm going to be Gucci by homecoming." And I am Gucci by homecoming, but I ain't got no homecoming to be Gucci with.

Erica: Yeah. This was about to be some full, pure fuckery. So I think the Lord knew that I was going to break my pussy.

Kenrya: Oh my God.

Erica: So, he needed to keep me from acting a donkey, 2020. But guess what? 2021, motherfuckers. It's on. So, that's sad.

Kenrya: Hopefully niggas act like it's actually something going on and mask up and we can be out of this shit by next year. I don't have a lot of-

Erica: The way I've been seeing them niggas on IG-

Kenrya: Every time I scroll through IG, no.

Erica: ... Bitch, I was like, "Okay, yeah."

Kenrya: Yeah. Get yo shit together so we can actually do homecomings.

Erica: Please, get yo shit together so we can do homecoming season. If you're not from-

Kenrya: I don't want to be doing the dispatch again-

Erica: I don't want to be doing dispatches.

Kenrya: ... [crosstalk 00:25:19] this is from homecoming. This is from.

Erica: We won't be doing dispatches from homecoming with our mic. We will allow folks to rock the mic at homecoming. And with that, your two favorite hosts making it clap.

Kenrya: Nope.

Erica: Bye y'all.

Kenrya: Bye.

Erica: This episode was produced by us, Erica and Kenrya and edited by B'Lystic. The theme music is from Brazy. Now, you can support The Turn On and get off. Subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast app. Then drop us a five-star review and you'll be entered to win something that's turning us on. Post your review and email a screenshot to us at [email protected] to enter. Our Patreon page is also live. Become a supporter today and access lots of goodies, including two for one raffle entries. Don't forget to send us your book recommendations, and sex and related questions. Follow us on Twitter @TheTurnOnPod and Instagram @TheTurnOnPodcast. You can find links to books, transcripts, guest info, and other fun stuff at TheTurnOnPodcast.com. Thanks for listening. And we'll see you soon. Holla.