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In this episode of The Turn On, Erica and Kenrya talk about spicing up married sex, upping your sex stamina, (maybe) myths that seem hella true and tips for better backdoor action.
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Kenrya: Come here. Get off.
Erica: Hey, hey y'all. So this week we are going to give you a mailbag episode of the Turn On. So with that said, Killa, get us started.
Kenrya: Okay. All right, our first question reads, “The hubs and I have been hyper-focused on eating right and working out. We're both slimming and getting more energy, but now I'm the one trying to keep up. My old tricks aren't working anymore because someone has way more stamina than me. I can't tell if this is age, menopause, or if I need to run more to catch up. The other night, I was ready to tap out like a wrestler. Help!”
Erica: Okay. Ooh. Okay. This is hilarious because I recently...
Kenrya: You're not at the mic. We can't hear you.
Erica: Oh, I'm sorry. Here's the [inaudible 00:00:56] in here. Okay. So this one's hilarious to me because I recently got back in the saddle after-
Kenrya: In the sex saddle?
Erica: I got back in the sex saddle y'all. Your lovely co-host's cheeks are getting clapped again. I'm sorry, I didn't want to make it an announcement, but yes.
Kenrya: I mean, why not?
Erica: A bitch did. And this particular person is super athletic, doing all the things. And I've literally been laying around like a slug since January. Bitch, I almost died. Legit had to be like, "Okay, you got to give me a second." You have to give me a second. I mean, it's good, but also a bitch's body is just a mess. So I think that you need to, one, work on your stamina and your cardio just because we want to be living and having these good, healthy sex lives for a really long time. One of the things that I've learned is even when you old, it all should work. It might work slower, but it all should work. So we want to make sure that we have these bodies around that can withstand all the good sexing that we're doing. But while you're waiting for your body to catch up with your pussy's needs, I would say research some good positions. Try to find some good positions that you can use that aren't necessarily as load bearing on them thighs and knees and things.
Kenrya: Yes. That's a good idea.
Erica: But I am good for good. I told y'all my favorite position is laying out... Both of us laying on the side because I like a good, slow stroke. Do that. I mean, granted, he might be all excited and things. And also, we have a long list of items and activities... Not activities. Items and sex toys that we've been featuring in our what's turning us on segments. That will be really great as assistive devices. So try that, and then also... I actually just started a book. Just started, meaning I'm still in the prologue, but a book about sex with sex among people with different abilities. And so I feel like there's probably something there too. So yeah, do some Googling. It's okay to try to... Because you probably going to find some good interesting stuff as you try to adapt and make things a little bit easier on them knees, thighs, gut, and butts.
Kenrya: Yes. I would add that sometimes stamina looks like, oh, because I heard you mention menopause like, oh, I'm feeling kind of dried out or a little tender down there. So I would also kind of read up on your lube and maybe it's time for you to try something that's a little... Got a little bit more slip to it than whatever y'all have been using. Also, sometimes I know for me when my stamina isn't what I want it to be, and not just in the bedroom, but just in general. I find that it's because I've been missing out on a couple of key things that I need.
Kenrya: So I don't eat meat, so B12 is hard to come by for me. I always can feel the difference when I don't have B12 in my system like I'm supposed to. So I use a liquid version that I drop under my tongue. As always, I'll remind y'all that we are not doctors and you should always consult with your primary care physician before adding things to your regimen. But I find that B12 helps with keeping me up. As E mentioned, we have things including lubes that we recommend on our what's turning us on page, and also in the show notes for each episode. And vitamin D.
Erica: So both kinds.
Kenrya: We are Black people and the sun adores us and we need the sun. And with us being quarantined if we doing that how we supposed to be doing it, you may be lacking on the vitamin D and that can also impact your energy levels. So you may want to consider making sure you're getting enough of that. Whether if it needs to be via a separate vitamin into your diet to help with your energy levels, and that can translate well when you're having sex too, so.
Erica: Also, one of the things that I have been doing as I've been going through chemo and radiation and now I'm on hormonal therapy is I've been doing acupuncture, and it has been amazing for me. So definitely try some acupuncture. There are various lubes. I actually just started using one as a daily lube because I'm in a medically induced menopause, and so one of the things that I hear is a problem is dry pussies. And I want to keep my WAP wappy. So I've been using this daily lube that you put on you, and it has... It has vitamin E and some things that kind of help your body keep everything-
Kenrya: Keep your tissues moist.
Erica: Loose and lubed up. So yeah, that's something else to think about.
Kenrya: Next up, we have a question that reads, “My wife and I are still having great sex after over 10 years of being together. However, I like to spice things up and have some sort of sexual adventure, but I don't want it to be the pool girl is rolling up and telling all our business years later.” Yeah. “I like the idea that I heard on your show of a sex club with the Black people, but I don't know. I'm very private.” So I guess the question is how can they spice it up in a way that lets them continue to be private citizens and not have their business out in the streets. In these streets.
Erica: In these skreets. Sexting is always great. I'm always down for some sexting. Sending each other naughty videos and things like that. I also think that there is a... I wouldn't mind doing some... Sex clubs are done for now anyway. Let's be real.
Kenrya: Yeah. Unfortunately with this virus situation, I wouldn't. I don't know that I'll ever feel comfortable being in that situation again.
Erica: Yeah. But I also do think that we can embrace the internet more. And so maybe y'all do... Maybe y'all do a nasty video. Record some porn, y'all put on some Luchador mask, whatever. I mean, I think that there's way, unless you have super identifiable tattoos, I think there's ways to anonymously keep it-
Kenrya: And they can engage with people on OnlyFans in private settings, that kind of thing. So they can virtually introduce someone into the conversation, right, while still keeping their identities intact.
Erica: Yeah. So the OnlyFans, you pretty much... OnlyFans, you need subscribers. And getting subscribers is you're getting people to commit to paying X dollars a month. So it might be difficult. [crosstalk 00:09:32].
Kenrya: Maybe then that's not the service.
Erica: Yeah. It might be diff... I mean, you can set up your OnlyFans and then run a special where you get a month free, you might get some people. But there's still a level of marketing that I think makes it a little more... I mean, if you want to do that, then great. But if you're like, we just trying to spice it up, I ain't trying to take on a whole fucking project. I think there are...
Kenrya: Oh no, that's not what I was saying. I was saying for them to engage with other people. So someone who had [crosstalk 00:09:59]
Erica: Oh, so sign, I'm thinking of... See, look where my head at. I'm thinking we going to make our own OnlyFans page.
Kenrya: Got to make some money. Yeah, no. I'm saying so that they can... Yeah, they can... And maybe OnlyFans isn't it. Maybe there's some other sites where you can connect with people privately.
Erica: There are lots of sex workers on Twitter, and a lot of them do custom videos. So maybe you want them to do a JOI, which is a jerk off instruction video. So you have a talent, I can't think of the word. But you have someone guiding the two of you through something. I think that there are lots of ways to, especially now that everything is becoming, we're becoming more interested in things virtually. I think that that's something that you can do and remain anonymous.
Erica: Also, I haven't tried this, but I have a good friend who has a VR headset, and he has been enjoying VR porn.
Kenrya: I didn't even know that was a thing.
Erica: Girl. So the thing is sex is on the cusp of all technology.
Kenrya: Everything. Yeah, it's always the bleeding edge use of... Yeah. So that makes total sense.
Erica: Yeah. So...
Kenrya: There's also sex dolls.
Kenrya: Which is a very real thing.
Erica: Or do a threesome, and find somebody that has as much to lose as y'all. I always say-
Kenrya: It's just this virus, man.
Erica: Oh, yeah. I mean, well, you got to take your time and-
Kenrya: Vet properly.
Erica: Vet and all that. But I say all the time, find you somebody who if y'all... If your business gets out, they business gets out, they stand... I don't want to say stand to lose as much, but have them sign a nondisclosure. Yeah. And don't be afraid, you can find them online.
Kenrya: Yeah, seriously.
Erica: So yeah. Just because you're a private people, there are ways to spice it up. I'd say lean heavily upon the internet, the interwebs. Find you a good sex worker on Twitter, or somebody that you... That tickles your pickle, you and your spouse's pickle, you and your partner's pickle, and slide them a DM. How much would it cost for a custom video? You'd be surprised at the cost.
Kenrya: Yeah. Also, I mean, I'm reading she said that she and her wife want to have some... A sexual adventure. I'm thinking sometimes an adventure is just having sex in a different place, right. So depending on what your level of adventure is, maybe that means that you drive down to a major street somewhere in your city and...
Erica: Pull over and get it on.
Kenrya: Have sex in your car. Exactly. If you got, I don't know, tinted windows in the back so y'all not readily observable, but it still feels like you are because there's people around. Or if there's, I don't know... See, I don't know what's open, but hotel bathrooms are always good because they're always clean. And very often they have doors that go all the way down to the floor. So you can have a little bit more, at least the illusion. Exactly. Even the illusion of privacy. I can't tell you how many times I've been in the bathroom and the whole time be like, "Noted. This is a spot to come back to."
Erica: You see how excited I was about the Ritz-Carlton.
Kenrya: Exactly. There are ways that you can do the things that you normally do, but perhaps in different places that feel like more of a spice up if that's not the way that y'all usually roll. And then of course, we always come back to introducing new toys into the bedroom. That's can be a way for y'all to spice it up. I mean, I don't know. I don't know what y'all use, but I bet you that there's some shit out there that y'all ain't never used before that you can bring in. Yeah. That's what I got.
Erica: Okay. I like it.
Erica: I like it. So what else you got?
Kenrya: Lean into the virtual. Okay. “How do you properly prep for anal so that it is an enjoyable experience for all?”
Erica: Ooh, the dookie shoot.
Kenrya: Well, that's not making it any better.
Erica: First, you got to get out your head. You got to get out your head. First, get out your head. Second, I have a little bulb kit where I wash the-
Kenrya: The anal douche situation.
Erica: Yeah, anal douche. Where I wash my little butthole.
Kenrya: So with that you just put water in it, you squeeze it up in there while you're over the toilet.
Erica: Uh-huh (affirmative). And it just kind of cleans everything out. I wouldn't recommend an enema just because I don't think you're going up that far. But maybe I'm just a-
Erica: Maybe I'm just a-
Kenrya: I don't do well with enemas, they always make me vomit. I know.
Erica: I don't even know how that... Okay. Yeah.
Kenrya: It's because as the toxins are being removed from your body, your body wants to expel them in all the ways. Have you ever had a colonic? It's actually a very common thing that can happen when you have a colonic.
Erica: I had a colonic and had an enema, but at that point I was just...
Erica: Shitting water.
Kenrya: Both have made me poop... Made me vomit.
Erica: Oh, it is the worst.
Kenrya: I'm very sensitive to them.
Erica: But please y'all, get colonoscopies.
Kenrya: Yes. I've had one of those. So we're recording this not too long after Chadwick's death, right?
Erica: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Kenrya: I guess this is our PSA. I had one because I was having some... My booty just didn't feel right. And I went in and got one, and surprisingly, my doctor actually found a polyp. It was not cancerous, but because I got it, I now... Because I had it, I now have to have colonics every five years. And I will go. Even though it is-
Kenrya: Yes, a colonoscopy. Thank you. It does not hurt, you don't feel anything, you are asleep. The prep is much worse than the actual procedure. You don't feel shit with the procedure, you just get the good drugs [crosstalk 00:15:52].
Erica: You get the good drugs.
Kenrya: And then you wake up, then you nicely... It's not even that long. I mean, that part was nothing at all whatsoever. It was the prep that wasn't fantastic. But you know what? We do it so that we can stay safe because colon cancer disproportionately kills Black people.
Kenrya: So, PSA.
Kenrya: Get that done.
Erica: The more you know. Okay. So yeah, I-
Kenrya: So you clean.
Erica: I clean, I get out of my head, and I just use a whole fuck ton of lube. Also for me, I think we touched on this, I got to be loose. You got to work for that. You just ain't going to stick it in my butt. I wish I was a pro and could just go and open up, but I can't.
Kenrya: That's always amazing to me when I'm watching something and then it just opens, and I'm like, "Bitch, look at you."
Erica: Look at you. But hey, we ain't all like LeBron James, we're all not booty bandits.
Kenrya: What? That was not LeBron, that's Odell. With the poop?
Erica: No, I didn't even talk about that. I'm just talking about how LeBron James is a really good basketball player. And so he's a pro at it, and we're not pros and we're not booty bandits because we're not pros at anal sex.
Kenrya: No. That didn't translate. It just sound like you was calling LeBron a booty bandit, which is fine.
Erica: Okay. I'll cut that part out because I-
Kenrya: That's not accurate.
Erica: That's [inaudible 00:17:15].
Erica: So I have to come multiple times. I need to be just...
Kenrya: Vaginally before that.
Erica: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got to work for it. You got to be putting in work before I open up for you. And then communicate. Talk. This hurts, slow down. Also, I think it's important to know that you have two sphincters. So there's one here, there's an outside and then an inner one. Getting it through the outside one is fine, it's getting it through the inner one where it's like, oh, hey, oh. So just go slow, use lots of lube, get out your head, and breathe.
Kenrya: Yeah. So I have some others. One is if you are planning on having anal either with a large strap or with a large penis, you may need to prepare the space in terms of opening it up. That is something that I have to do so I have trainers. Basically little plugs that you can use. You can use them just for pleasure at other times, and a lot of people get pleasure in training with them too. But they basically, you put them in there to open the space up. They come in all different sizes. You can work your way up to larger sizes, but they're super useful in kind of preparing the space. Also CBD suppositories are super useful for relaxing the area. Yeah.
Erica: Yes. We have a coupon code with the company Foria.
Kenrya: Yeah, that's the kind we both use. They are amazing and they're also great if you have cramps. I use them for my periods, I also use them for anal. They are very versatile. But they just relax everything. They relax you and they relax your sphincters and they make it much easier for things to make their way in. I'm not a fan of numbing creams and lotions.
Erica: Yeah. Please don't use that because the pain tells you that something's wrong.
Kenrya: Exactly. And if you can't feel it, then you can't stop things so that you don't hurt yourself. And so I like these because it literally just opens everything up so that it's just easier to get in and you're not having the pain because... Yes. Because your booty hole is open. Yeah. Also, yeah, I like also to have a vaginal orgasm beforehand, as well as a massage or just something that overall relaxes me and gets me to that point where this is the next thing, and it's just a complement to all of the other things that are happening. So that by the time it comes, I'm like, "Yes." And it's much easier that way. Also position is important. Different people need it from different angles. It's really just a matter of experimenting with your partner to figure out what feels the best for you.`
Kenrya: I think those are the key things. All right. You want to do one more?
Erica: Yeah, one more.
Kenrya: Okay. Let's see. All right. This question is, “What sex tip or,” it has myth in parentheses, “do you swear by, but have no goddamn proof about?”
Erica: So I'll go first.
Erica: It's not even a myth, but I am convinced... Well, everyone knows when I drink, I get real friendly. I'm like, "I love you. You're the best. You're the best friend." Also, I'm like, "Hey, boo. Let's..." I'm calling you. I'm calling you, and we about to do some nasty things. But if you want to see... If you want the platinum level package of Erica, give me some vodka. And it's so horrible. And I mean, I'm assuming all the liquor is the same, but if you want platinum... Brown liquor Erica, she going to have fun, she going to turn up, she might promise you some nasty things in the car on the way home. Vodka level Erica is, you going to get promised the nasty things and I'm going to deliver it. And probably even more. You're going to lay there with your genitals smoking. Wait. Ooh, not that. You're going to lay there like, "Goddamn, she won't leave me alone." So it's not really a myth, but I just feel like for some reason if you trying to tap my spirit, give me some clear spirits.
Kenrya: That's funny. And it's always been... I mean, I remember back a long time ago that was always the thing you reach for when we go to the bar.
Erica: Now I don't. Now I'm a brown liquor girl, but if I end up-
Kenrya: You used to be a good old Ketel One girl.
Erica: Oh yeah. Ooh. And my drink used to be Ketel One and a splash of club soda and a lemon. That was-
Kenrya: I remember.
Erica: All I need is bubbles to the head. Ooh. Ooh, girl, you done brought back memories. What about you? Do you have any?
Kenrya: I've been sitting here trying to think of one, and I don't think so.
Erica: Did you ever date someone that had to fuck with his lucky stocking cap, or?
Kenrya: I mean, I was messing with this dude who always want to fuck in socks so I think that was a combination of two things. He claimed it was because he needed the traction and I will say he was athletic. So I didn't doubt that that much, but also I think his feet was probably fucked up and he was embarrassed and didn't want me to see him.
Erica: Uh-huh (affirmative), honey. I got ugly toes and niggas be sticking them shits in they mouth, so.
Kenrya: I think it was a combination of those two things, but he swore it gave... It's like niggas fucking in Timbs.
Erica: You just described the most East Coast ass.
Kenrya: Yeah. That's a-
Erica: Howard University ass shit on earth. Oh, I love it. Okay. Well, I would love to hear what our listeners would say. If they have just a...
Kenrya: Yes. What's your thing?
Erica: There ain't no fucking reason that I believe this, but-
Kenrya: But it's true. It's true though.
Erica: Yeah. Please share with us. You can send us an email or slide in our DMS.
Kenrya: Yeah. I like it.
Erica: Okay. Well, with that said, Kenrya, you got anything else for us?
Kenrya: Nah. Just the fact that this has been Kenrya and E, and we’re two hoes-
Erica: Making it clap. Oh shit, I'm not going to start over. My bad. Bye, y'all.
Kenrya: This episode was produced by us, Kenrya and Erica. And edited by B'Lystic. The theme music is from Brazy. Now you can support The Turn On, and get off. Subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast app, then drop us a five star review, and you'll be entered to win something that's turning us on. Just post your review, and email us a screenshot at email@example.com to enter. Our Patreon page is also live. Become a supporter today, and you'll gain access to lots of goodies, including The Turn On book club, and two for one raffle entries. And don't forget to send us your book recommendations, and your sex and related questions. And follow us on Twitter @theturnonpod, and on Instagram @theturnonpodcast. You can find links to books, merch, transcripts, guest info, and other fun stuff at theturnonpodcast.com. Thanks so much for listening, and we will see you soon. Bye.
The Turn On
The Turn On is a podcast for Black people who want to get off. To open their minds. To learn. To be part of a community. To show that we love and fuck too, and it doesn't have to be political or scandalous or dirty. Unless we want it to be.