Quickie 14 | Mailbag

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SHOW NOTES
In this episode of The Turn On, Erica and Kenrya dig in the mailbag and answer questions from readers.

Resources:

• Sliquid: LoveHoney
• Boy Butter: Amazon
• We Vibe: LoveHoney

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TRANSCRIPT
Kenrya: Come here. Get off.

Erica: Welcome to this week's quickie. We are going to pull a few questions from our mailbag and see what the hell we got to say.

Kenrya: Okay, who knows? It's always a gamble.

Erica: I can't believe people ask us questions thinking that we have real answers to them.

Kenrya: How do we plan?

Erica: Exactly.

Kenrya: Let's see how it goes.

Erica: Mailbag number one. Erica and Killa, can you break your pussy if you use a vibrator too much?

Kenrya: No, I didn't even mean to laugh. I'm sorry. Short answer, no.

Erica: So short answer, no. I think that it's important to not ... so storytime. Boom, I was with a nigga and he could only like cum in a particular way and I think it's because he grew up all his life beating his meat in one particular way and so his shit got used to one particular way. So I think it's important to vary it-

Kenrya: Mix it up.

Erica: ... up. So like use your vibrator on your back. Next time, maybe try being on all fours. Well, try to keep some variety in it but ain't no such thing as breaking your pussy. I just think that you might get your pussy used to a particular sexual situation, certain vibrating pattern.

Kenrya: Situations. I've been listening to Usher.

Erica: Will arise.

Kenrya: He did a great live. That nigga was lying down singing it. I think people who don't sing—because I used to sing—don't realize how hard that is.

Erica: I don't sing standing up. And I know it's bad.

Kenrya: It's so hard, oh my gosh.

Erica: So I think it's important to change it up but don't disregard your vibrator. Jerome/Ambien is my homeboy and will forever be my homeboy and will not be any culprit of breaking your pussy. But I think it is important to try to keep things spicy, mix it up.

Kenrya: So I would just add that it is important however, to be really careful of your tissues and if you're going at it a lot, just like if you were doing it with a partner, things may dry out a bit or you might have little micro fissures. It depends on how aggressive you being with the situation. So, I think people often only think of using lube when it to being with a partner. But lube is actually your friend when you masturbate as well.

Erica: Lube is your friend, period.

Kenrya: So I would suggest that you make sure that there's some lube in the mix. There's a couple that we like that we recommended on the show before. Boy Butter is one of them, Sliquid has a variety of versions depending on what you like. You use Sliquid Silver, right?

Erica: Yes.

Kenrya: Bring some lubrication into the mix as you switch up. And also not just positions, but switch up your toys. You probably do have a favorite because you know which is rusty trusty. But they often require different angles and that can also help to preserve your tissues by mixing things up a bit.

Erica: Alrighty. Well that was a good one.

Kenrya: It's all I have.

Erica: Next up, when you want to have sex and you're not sure if your partner does, how do you broach the subject without making it awkward?

Kenrya: It's interesting because I have been with partners who wanted different things. And so I guess my first thing I'm going to say is you should have a conversation about that with them. I have been in relationships with folks who when I just straight up said, "Hey, let's have sex." They felt like I was objectifying them or they didn't think it was sexy for me to just say that I want to have sex and literally somebody told me, "I mean that doesn't make me feel sexy, that doesn't get me in the mood." But then I've had partners where if I just kind of touch they dick, they felt like I was treating them, like I said, a sex object rather than saying that I wanted to have sex or asking. And so what I have found works is to just have a conversation with your partner in a non-sexual situation about what do they prefer.

Erica: Because ain't nothing worse than the dick on your booty.

Kenrya: Is when you really just want to go to sleep. You just gonna put it on there?

Erica: Sitting there and they're pushing the head. I'm like, "Hey, don't you want to like?"

Kenrya: No.

Erica: No.

Kenrya: Maybe I did ’til you did that.

Erica: So yeah. Just talk, communicate. I feel like that's what we kind of fall back on on everything. But yeah, just-

Kenrya: I mean, having a good conversation usually-

Erica: When you're not in the moment, just be like, hey, [crosstalk 00:05:38] when you want it or what I want it. How do you want me to tell you I want it?

Kenrya: And vice versa, how do you want to be? Because those may not be the same.

Erica: It's not. Often times it's not-

Kenrya: And that's okay.

Erica: ... which is wild in and of itself. Up next, if you were currently in a situation where sex is not even a remote option with your partner of choice, outside of masturbating, what other ways can you meet your sexual needs?

Kenrya: I'll start. I think it depends on what your sexual needs are. We've talked a bit about like enjoying the journey and while ... how that may not necessarily mean that you have to come to completion all the time. It could mean that you just want to watch porn. It could mean that maybe just reading a sexy scene or listening to me read you a sexy scene gets you to where you want to be without you having to do the whole masturbation thing. I guess if that's because you tired of masturbating, now I'm [inaudible 00:06:49]. Masturbation is a champ.

Kenrya: I think it depends on what it is that you need. Because if it's that you are missing the intimacy of that, maybe it means that you all there are having some kind of a, I don't know, a virtual date night or, you know what I mean? Something that gives you another part of intimacy that's not just sex. Does that make sense?

Erica: Yeah. I was going to definitely say phone sex, Skype sex. Because not necessarily for the completion part but for the intimacy part of the we're sharing this together part of it all. So I'm always a fan of that. Also fun sex toys or, I have this sex toy that We Vibe and it's a Bluetooth enabled sex toy we'll link to it in the show notes, but it's a Bluetooth enabled sex toy. You have the app on your phone and your partner has an app on his phone. You both have to be on the app at the same time. So it kind of loses a little spontaneity, but it can be a part of date night. You put it in you and then he's able to, he, she, they are able to control the settings from wherever they are.

Erica: So that's always something fun. And one of the things that I enjoyed doing with a partner of mine who was distant, we would both do things to each other to make sure that we know that we were on each other's mind throughout the day. So it would be like a little text like, hey, I'm not wearing any panties today. Or send them a nasty picture and it's all that work. Or he'll send me a text and say, "Hey, wear these drawers today?" Or not draws, drawers make it sound like [inaudible 00:08:54] wear these panties today. Or he'll text me a command like go send me a picture with your tongue out. Just stuff like that to like let me know that I am on your thoughts throughout the day. You're on my thoughts throughout the day. So even if you do end up masturbating at the end of the night, it was like Ooh, with this person in mind. So-

Kenrya: It's a combination of all those things.

Erica: Just ways to continue to foster that connectedness throughout the day. So that's what I got.

Kenrya: No I don't have anything to add there.

Erica: Alrighty. Well thank you for submitting your questions to the mailbag. We will certainly go through our mailbag again. So if you have any more questions, please submit it to us at [email protected] or slide my DMs because we like that too.

Kenrya: Sure do.

Erica: Alrighty. So-

Kenrya: ’Til next time.

Erica: Erica and Kenrya, two hoes.

Kenrya: Making it clap.

Kenrya: This episode was produced by us, Kenrya and Erica, and edited by B'Lystic. The theme music is from Brazy. We want to hear from y'all, send your book recommendations and all the burning sex and related questions that you want us to answer to [email protected]. And please subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast app. Follow us on Twitter @TheTurnOnPod and Instagram @TheTurnOnPodcast, and find links to books, transcripts, guest info, and other fun stuff at TheTurnOnPodcast.com. And remember The Turn On podcast is part of the Frolic Podcast Network. You can find more podcasts that you'll love at Frolic.media/podcast. Thanks for joining us and we'll see you soon. Bye.