Quickie 18 | This Is Your Sex Life... With Blanche

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SHOW NOTES
In this episode of The Turn On, Erica and Kenrya take a stroll down sex memory lane with their special guest, Blanche.
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TRANSCRIPT
Kenrya: Come here. Get off.

Kenrya: Today, we're talking to Blanche, a 30-something, cisgender, heterosexual woman from the South whose pronouns are she and her. She's a mother and engineer who owns her sexuality and is kind enough to take us on a brisk walk through her sexual history today. Blanche is not her real name and this is not her real voice, just for the record. Hey, Blanche.

Blanche: Hey, y'all.

Kenrya: Thank you for joining us today. We are going to jump right in and get all into your business, okay?

Blanche: Okay.

Kenrya: All right. Let's go.

Erica: So, first things first, when do you first remember masturbating?

Blanche: Masturbating? Oh my God, very early. First kiss in elementary. Masturbation in middle school, before my first time.

Kenrya: Okay. That's very sweet that you added your first kiss in there. That's good. I was like, "Let's get to the touching."

Blanche: I know. Y'all just skipped right over it.

Erica: We just stuck it on in. Did young Blanche have a preferred technique?

Blanche: For masturbation?

Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Blanche: It was fingering. It was definitely clitoral stimulation. I didn't know that was what it was at the time, because you know I was in middle school. But it was clit and fingering, definitely.

Kenrya: Huh!

Kenrya: When did you start experimenting with other people?

Blanche: So, elementary was the first kiss and to this day, I hate French kissing because that was a terrible experience.

Erica: Me too! Oh my gosh, Blanche!

Blanche: Like, hate it.

Erica: Hate it. There's spit and you know what I never connected it, but now that you say that. That is exactly why it's so disgusting.

Blanche: Exactly! It's why would you just hack spit in my mouth?

Erica: My first kiss was with this dude that my brother nicknamed "Rockbiter" and all I remember was teeth, [crosstalk 00:02:32] and spit, and saliva. Thank you for the connection, Blanche. Oh my gosh. Now you have to tell me about your first kiss.

Kenrya: Wait, right, what happened with yours?

Blanche: It was at my grandma's house. On her front porch because we were fast and it was a boy, I'm just going to call him "J," and he was cute. Because you know that was back in the day when Al B. Sure! and everybody. [crosstalk 00:02:57] he was light skinned with the hazel eyes. "We're going to kiss girl.” Well they can't see me, but, it was gross. We were in fifth grade and it was so gross. To this day, I can't.

Kenrya: All right, so then what was your first time having actual sex?

Blanche: Okay, I got to tell you about the fake time I had sex for the first time.

Kenrya: What?

Blanche: Yes! The first time I had fake sex was in eighth grade and y'all, this boy was 18.

Erica: Wrong as hell.

Blanche: Okay, today yes. No, then and now is wrong. Y'all, anyway. At the time, I don't even want to go into this. He was a drug dealer. You know, I'm from the hood.

Kenrya: I've got those stories too.

Blanche: He was a dope boy which makes this story even more funny. We was doing it and he didn't realize it was in. It was just between my legs.

Kenrya: Bitch, I was just watching “Grace and Frankie.” Have y'all watched it this season?

Blanche: No!

Erica: I'm in the middle of it.

Kenrya: You're going to love it. That's something that happens.

Blanche: Okay, I will watch that, but that happened to me and I just, because I know that he needed that I just acted like it happened. So, if you ask "J," he will tell you he was my first, but he is not. He was between my legs. My actual first was in ninth grade, "R." It was so sweet. He was such a sweet guy. Like, just a sweet guy in general. He used to push me on the swings, in ninth grade, because he loved me.

Erica: So this was a boyfriend?

Blanche: Yeah, he was my boyfriend. It hurt so bad, because he had a big one. He hugged me after, pushed me on the swings after. It was so sweet. He was so sweet.

Kenrya: I'm so sorry, let me push you on these swings.

Blanche: I know.

Kenrya: Sorry about this big dick.

Blanche: Okay, sorry about that. It's your first time.

Erica: Okay, we know you had your first time and your fake first time, but when did you first have an orgasm with a partner?

Blanche: Yes, that was in eleventh or twelfth grade with "T." Let me tell you this story. It's a bad story. "T" and I were best friends. You know how we all have male best friends, right? At the time, he was dating a girl. He was at a wrestling tournament and we were all there. Me, him, his girlfriend, because we're all friends. Everybody else, and afterwards her momma said "It's time to go home" and drove her home and I saw my ride home with "T." He bought me some chicken wings and we went to another friend's house, his best friend's house, who was dating my friend. All I know was he was in that thing and I fell over, and he was like, "Are you okay?" And I was like, "I don't know." And that was my first orgasm.

Erica: Wow!

Blanche: He had a little curved-

Erica: [crosstalk 00:06:39] We love a Captain hook.

Blanche: Captain hook, baby! Yes.

Kenrya: You say you didn't know in the moment what was happening, it was like in hindsight?

Blanche: Yes, now I know. After I got that thing, I was like, "I'm getting this every time." So I don't know how people do it without it. You know what I mean? Why would you do that? Without getting that?

Erica: Look, we try to preach. Not that everyone has to have an orgasm, but we - [crosstalk 00:07:12] here at The Turn On [crosstalk 00:07:17] we preach the gospel of good sex. I do not want women out here -

Blanche: You want to push them to the edge, is what you're saying?

Erica: I mean, just enjoy it. Even if you're like, "I don't want to have an orgasm, or I don't have to have an orgasm this time." Yes, I usually make that face Blanche. Blanche is making this "I just drank something sour face."

Kenrya: As I've talked about on this show, I don't always have to but I know that I'm going to later and sometimes I will hold as a form of power, and then I do it later.

Blanche: That's the edging.

Erica: Yes. I guess what I'm saying is, we want women to get away from just having sex.

Kenrya: Just to be doing it or for somebody else.

Erica: Exactly. It is a journey. We want you to enjoy the journey.

Blanche: I'm with you on the journey, but I also want more women to know that there is a climax. There are a lot -

Erica: Yes.

Blanche: Do you hear me? Do you know how many people call me and they're like, "How do I know if I had an orgasm?" If you're asking me, you didn't.

Kenrya: You did not.

Erica: You did not. If he has to ask you, you did not.

Blanche: Yeah.

Erica: And I think that's why it's so important for women to masturbate and touch themselves, and get to know how that feels. Because once it happens, you're like, "Oh, this can happen?"

Kenrya: "That's what that's supposed to be?"

Erica: You're going to make sure it happens. So, just getting to know your body, and touching it, and feeling it.

Kenrya: Being comfortable with it.

Erica: Knowing things exist.

Blanche: All of it. Breasts, all of it. This is your body.

Erica: Titties, ass, all of it.

Blanche: It's all of it.

Kenrya: So, thinking back to your twenties. What three words would you use to describe sex during that period, for you?

Blanche: You know what's so funny? I had more sex in high school than I did in my twenties.

Kenrya: Oh shit, let's back up. [crosstalk 00:09:20] to your teens.

Blanche: Because see, in my twenties I was really focused with school and getting degrees. So, I fucked but it wasn't the same frequency as I did in high school. That's why when people say, like when I went to college, "You want to do this in the-" I said, "Baby, I done did all of that." You know?

Kenrya: You were just talking about how you felt like you lived your twenties wrong.

Blanche: I did. I did. I lived them all wrong. I was in the dungeon, learning. Anyway, but what was the question again?

Kenrya: So, first give me three words to describe sex for you in your teens.

Blanche: “I need it.”

Kenrya: [crosstalk 00:10:13] count me.

Blanche: I did. One of the things I used to do was I always had a starting lineup that I would rotate so I always had a partner. That was in my twenties too. Even when I would do internships as I was honing my crafting, I would always seek out one special intern that was going to be my sex partner for that period, and we was fucking. Somebody was getting it because I needed it.

Kenrya: So, then what three words would you use for your twenties?

Blanche: Let me see. My three words "I need that" for my teens. For my twenties, it would be like, I don't know. There's so many words I'm thinking of. My twenties were really about me making sure I had a partner that made me feel good. Especially in college, I had a great partner.

Erica: She just looked back and rolled her eyes. [crosstalk 00:11:34]

Blanche: Oh my God, he was good. In grad school I had a great one too. It's just about making sure that I got my climax. You know what I mean? For me it's all about making sure you have your mind, your body, and your spirit all balanced. And that was about my body. You know what I mean? “Mind, body, spirit.” How about that?

Kenrya: I like it. So maybe you know what's coming next, but how would you describe sex in your thirties?

Blanche: It's more controlled now because it's not about doing it. I think in my teens and my twenties I was about doing it, but now is like I can control it and I know where I'm, you know what I mean? I don't know what it is. Three words for my thirties. “I am powerful.”

Kenrya: Yes.

Blanche: I am powerful.

Erica: Now you are a married mama. What does your sex life look like?

Blanche: Oh, it's great. I fucked him in the garage the other day.

Erica: Yes, mama!

Blanche: For me, that's why I don't understand why when people get married they're like, "My sex life is terrible!" I may not do it as much as my husband would like, but when I do do it, I try to make it enjoyable and that's through roleplay. You know, sensuality. I think being a woman is beautiful. Right? That sensual femininity. All of that stuff is so amazing. I know that can help him, so my husband. Let me tell you how I know I got good stuff.

Erica: Brag on your pussy a little bit. Brag on it.

Blanche: I'll brag on my pussy a little bit. He prays every time we do it. He'll be like, "Thank you, Jesus. Thank you."

Erica: Yes!

Blanche: Okay. I have had ex-boyfriends in the past who have drooled on me. Didn't even know. But their mouth was open and drooling while we were having sex.

Erica: Okay.

Kenrya: You know us enough.

Blanche: I know I got good stuff because they drooling, they praying to god, thanking Jesus. Also it's because I use my muscles during and I don't know what you're doing. Why are you just sitting there? When you squat, when you're doing your squats, do your Kegels at the same time. If that makes sense. When you exercising, Kegel. When you're not exercising, Kegel. I'm just saying.

Kenrya: On average, how many times do you have some kind of sexual contact in a week?

Blanche: There's seven days in a week?

Kenrya: Yes ma'am.

Blanche: At least five.

Kenrya: Wow. That's good.

Blanche: That's because my husband is a horny. My husband is younger than me and he's horny, and he grew up in porn valley. So, I have to fight him. Because he's like, "Hey girl." It didn't matter if I was fat, skinny. Didn't matter. He'd be like, "Hey girl, hey girl." You know? He's a touchy-feely person. We're doing something a lot so far.

Kenrya: You said before that it's not as often as he would like. How often does he want to have sex?

Blanche: A couple times a day.

Kenrya: Christ. Get off of me!

Erica: Get off of me. Tell Mister to get off of you.

Blanche: Get back! I know, I'm with you. I'm with you. That's just how he is. Men, you know what I mean? When you have good stuff, they want it all the time. It is what it is.

Kenrya: Are there certain times of day that you prefer or that are just better/easier since you have other people in your house?

Blanche: Definitely when the kids are asleep is better. But sometimes, it's actually fun to do it when they're up. Like I said, the garage. You know. [inaudible 00:16:20] One night after they went to sleep, though, we used the backyard as a place to do things and we went from the bench, to the table, to the garden, to the -

Kenrya: They got to be asleep, asleep.

Blanche: Yeah.

Erica: Your kids are elementary school age, right?

Blanche: Elementary and middle.

Kenrya: All right.

Blanche: Blanche has kids.

Erica: Blanche got babies.

Kenrya: So how long do y'all's sessions usually last?

Blanche: He tries to last long, but not long. That guy gets done, you know what I mean? Ten minutes tops.

Kenrya: Oh yeah. Keep it moving.

Erica: I think that people, like men, think that sex is supposed to last all night long. It's like, I don't need you beating my pussy for four hours.

Blanche: You're going to beat it up!

Erica: We're just going to have a good time, slide in, slide out. We can lay there. We can bask in the glow. But, we don't got to be fucking for no 45 minutes.

Blanche: I don't need to feel like my pussy was pummeled.

Kenrya: Brutalized.

Blanche: You know what I mean?

Erica: Pummeled.

Kenrya: You guys make use of the house it seems like, but do you have a spot that you typically do it?

Blanche: It's really the bed, but we're all over. We've done it in the kitchen, the backyard, garage, living room.

Kenrya: I love that you're like looking around like, "Wait, okay, over there, over there."

Blanche: All of these places is where we go. Yes.

Erica: So what do you feel is the best part of your sex life right now?

Blanche: I have to tell you this story. My husband, when I met him, told me he did not like fellatio, oral sex.

Kenrya: Do you see my face?

Blanche: I know. I know. He said, "It doesn't make me come. I don't really need it." You know. In the course is what I like.

Erica: Challenge!

Blanche: You knew it. You knew. You knew that's what I heard. Since the first time I sucked his dick, I wake up with dick in my face. Now I'm like, "Oh!" I think that's the best part, because the other day we did it and we got two sessions in. The first time we did it and I sucked it after, you know, to just clean him up. Then the second time I was tired and he was just jacking and I sucked it off after. My husband is very spoiled.

Erica: You are a good wife.

Blanche: He is very spoiled. You know what he eating right now. We doing better with our foods and stuff, so it tastes better.

Kenrya: It makes a difference! [crosstalk 00:19:39]

Erica: It makes a big difference!

Blanche: It does. I'm like, "Stop!"

Erica: Yeah, because, you know your diet and just how you treat your body makes a big difference. I've had men that have commented, "Damn, you taste good." Yes, because I'm not eating Popeye's, even though I do want to eat Popeye's every night, and smoking a carton of cigarettes. What you do with your body, that comes out of everything.

Kenrya: Even if it's just like, I know I will literally be like, " Bae's coming over tonight. Guess what we not having for dinner. Asparagus."

Erica: No asparagus.

Kenrya: You got to be considerate.

Erica: What's the most frustrating part about your sex life right now?

Blanche: To be honest, I miss having diversity. I just have to be honest as a married woman. I miss having several dicks.

Erica: New dick is fun!

Blanche: And I've had the same dick for over a decade.

Kenrya: God bless you.

Blanche: You know what? For me, I think that's the most frustrating part. I love to flirt, so I still flirt today. I don't take it as far as I would have before I got married, but I use all of that energy on my husband. So, I flirt, but then I use the energy on him.

Kenrya: Are there any things that can happen in your day that would prevent you from being in the mood? Or are you a push through kind of girl?

Blanche: I'd say for me, I was gonna say for women, it's mental. It's all mental. There was a time when I was a size 20. There was a time when I was a size three. What I will tell you is, that even though my husband wanted to do it no matter what my size was. For me, mentally, it was different because I need to look a certain way, for me. You know what I mean? I will just say, it's just thinking about how I look and that is a turn on for me. You know what I mean? To see how you see me in your eyes, I think, is a turn on. I don't even know where I was going with that.

Erica: No, that's really good. In a recent episode we talked about recording ourselves and seeing ourselves on camera. For me, one of the things, I like it because I know I look good so it's going to look good.

Blanche: But I also compete with porno too. Sometimes we like to cast in on our TV in here.

Erica: So you're casting, wait. The porn or you're casting your video?

Blanche: No, the porn.

Erica: Sorry, I need to figure this out. I need ideas.

Kenrya: Me too.

Blanche: I'm casting the porn here and then I'm competing in the bed. Like, who is better? It's to me, I'm very competitive. You know what I mean? It's like, "That bitch can't suck better than me. She can't ride better than me! She can't do this better than me." You see what I'm saying?

Erica: Get it Blanche!

Blanche: That's what I do. That's one of the tricks I do too. My husband likes porn.

Erica: All right. Twofer. It's a twofer. So how often do you masturbate now?

Blanche: Oh, a lot.

Erica: I like it.

Blanche: To me, it's about just pleasure and I don't think anybody should feel insecure. Like, I'll masturbate with him laying right by me in the bed.

Erica: Mm-hmm (affirmative)

Blanche: To me it's about I want my pleasure right now and I don't necessarily want to give you a lot of effort. I just want it and unless you are ready to just give me everything and not lip, because I don't want to give you nothing. I just want to lay here. Right?

Erica: Mm-hmm (affirmative)

Blanche: If you want to work, fine. I don't want to work. So, you lay there and I'm going to do my vibrator, or my fingering, or my whatever because I just want to get this off real quick. It's about releasing energy. He does it and I do it. We both do it.

Erica: What's your favorite technique these days?

Blanche: For masturbation? Definitely vibrator.

Erica: Yeah.

Blanche: I mean, fresh batteries. I travel with my vibrator.

Erica: Me too!

Blanche: Okay.

Kenrya: I don't think [crosstalk 00:24:53]

Erica: I got a little one that I pack in my bag. I mean, I don't pack my big one, but I pack a little-

Blanche: My bullet!

Erica: A little bullet that you travel, and also a lot of times when I'm traveling, I'm on some ho shit anyway. I usually have toys and clothes.

Kenrya: I travel with toys but it's usually because I'm with somebody or meeting up with somebody. Not just on some solo-

Erica: Especially if you're in a hotel - [crosstalk 00:25:25]

Blanche: I flirt for no fucking reason. I flirt with niggas and then go back to my hotel, I'm charged up, I use my bullet.

Erica: Yes.

Blanche: That's how you don't feed.

Erica: I love it.

Kenrya: You got a strategy.

Blanche: I got a strategy. I just flirt, go to the hotel room. There you go.

Kenrya: Work. Do you ever have trouble turning off the day and focusing on sex?

Blanche: Oh yeah, that's why I smoke weed.

Kenrya: That's real.

Blanche: I mean, indica definitely. Right. Not sativa. Sativa will have your brain flying. That's for creativity.

Kenrya: That actually made me paranoid.

Blanche: That's what I'm saying. Indica can actually make you settle down. For me, and y'all, because y'all got a lot going on. We have a lot of work, you need to kind of settle your brain. Once again, this is mental for women. You know what I mean? If we are thinking about, "Oh my god the laundry! I gotta write this! I gotta finish this!" We ain't, it's not gonna be good. It's not.

Kenrya: It's broken pussy.

Blanche: I love it. Broken pussy!

Erica: What would you change? If you could snap your fingers and change something, what would you change about your sex life?

Blanche: I would be okay with open sex. You know what I mean?

Erica: Have an open relationship?

Blanche: Yes, now here's the funny part. My husband says he's okay with that. He's not. You know how you can just tell?

Erica: Mm-hmm (affirmative)

Blanche: His mouth is saying it, but he ain't right.

Erica: Your heart ain't saying it.

Blanche: Your heart ain't saying that, because -

Erica: You be mad watching me busting open.

Blanche: Exactly.

Erica: You knowing about me busting open.

Blanche: Thank you. I know you not right. I would love to have that. For me, like I said once again, I move and I hate to say this, there's a lot of women who think like me. I'm just saying, normalized, right? This is the behavior that a masculine person would have. So for me, I feel like I am more of a masculine person and I don't know why we have to have sex with one person. You know what I mean? Why? I'm just getting this off. That doesn't mean that we have this crazy connection or whatever. It doesn't mean I need to call you after. I just want to do this real quick.

Kenrya: I don't necessarily think that that's masculine energy. I think Erica and I both talk a lot on this show about the ways we able to fucking keep it moving and I think - I see that Blanche is dancing.

Blanche: Okay, here's the thing. I have had two one-night stands that turned into stalkers. Just two of them. I mean, I've had more one-night stands, but -

Kenrya: I've had three pop back up.

Blanche: Thank you. What I'm saying is, why can't we just do this and be okay? You don't need to stalk me after.

Kenrya: See? That's men popping back up. That ain't masculine energy.

Blanche: There is.

Kenrya: The masculine energy is not being able to walk away, because them niggas like to pop up.

Blanche: They like good pussy. You know what I'm saying? They're popping up for a reason. Not for no reason. You see what I'm saying?

Kenrya: What is a sex best practice that you want to share with our listeners?

Blanche: Sex best practice? I guess for head. I think for head, a lot of people are looking at what happens outside of the mouth. It's all for inside. What are you doing in there? What's the suction? What your tongue is doing. How much spit you got going. The best "head-ologist" may not look like they're doing shit, but they doing a whole lot - Oh you can't see. They're doing a whole lot in here.

Erica: Inside.

Blanche: Inside. Also, men are, they love audibles. They need sound. They like to see you. It's all video. It's all for them. They have to see it or hear it. For us, it's mental. For me, I make lots of noises. I know how to do my eyes.

Kenrya: A lot of "smizing" going on people.

Blanche: A lot of "smizing." That's what they want. I have to tell y'all, you haven't asked me about this, but I have to tell you about this one one-night stand I had.

Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative)

Erica: Do tell!

Blanche: To this day, he is still my sexual soulmate. I never. Do you hear me? I never. I've had very good sex, very good sex. Not the first time, you see what I'm saying? With somebody.

Erica: Mm-hmm (affirmative)

Blanche: But with him, it was the first time. It was like, whatever he did felt great. I don't even know where he is today. Nigga had gold teeth, full. It was great. Shout out to Louisiana. Y'all make them good.

Kenrya: Yes, baby.

Blanche: Baby!

Erica: Someone from Louisiana is gonna cuss us out.

Kenrya: Right?

Blanche: We apologize.

Erica: Do you any must - We kind of touched on this. Do you have anything that if someone is packing their sexual tool kit, any must use tools?

Blanche: Yeah, definitely it is the vibrator, the bullet on the plane, because you can take the batteries out and travel with it. I got it all together. Definitely that. Travel to a place where weed is legal and then buy your weed. That would be great. Then, the other thing would be just, for me I think that sex is good when your mind is ready for it. You gotta get into a mood. A whole mood. I used to have the best orgasms traveling, because I would just think of fantasies. I flirted with this guy today. I'm fucking him. Listen, my husband gets all of that. When I flirt with somebody, I'm fucking the shit out of him. You see what I'm saying?

Erica: We like to ask a few, well a, off sex topic question. A little, would you rather question. Would you rather have one really mediocre superpower for the rest of your life or one really awesome superpower for just one day. So, for example Blanche: say I tell you you can fly, but your flying is like six inches off the ground and your top speed is like 40 mph for the rest of your life. Or, your have like super fast, blink your eyes, you can pop in and out fly for one day.

Blanche: I want something for the rest of my life. You know, the way I think about it is, I got that magic. I can make whatever it is into something special. See what I'm saying? If you give me something for the rest of my life, I can make it into something special. If I have a day then that means I gotta make sure I make the most of that day. You know what I mean?

Erica: Okay.

Kenrya: Yeah.

Blanche: I'd rather have it for the rest of my life because I know I could do something with it.

Kenrya: What do you hope that people will learn from this little walk that we just took through your sex life?

Blanche: What I hope is, I hope that women are more in tune with their sexuality. We have a lot of power. I mean, as we would say, where I'm from, a wet pussy and a dry purse don't go together.

Erica: I've said that multiple times.

Blanche: It's kind of like, you have power use it. I think a lot of women are taught, especially by their fathers or the men in their family, "Don't use it. Don't use it." You know why they tell you not to use it? Because that thing whoop them. I want you to use it. The other part about me is I have had a lot of great sex, but no one would call me a ho. You see what I'm saying?

Kenrya: What's wrong with being a ho?

Blanche: There's nothing wrong with it. I'm saying that you can do this for the women who don't want to be labeled that. You can do this without being labeled that, is what I'm saying. There's nothing wrong with a ho, because she making money. You see what I'm saying?

Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative)

Blanche: Listen, we all hoes. If you got a dinner paid for. If you got whatever, you a ho, bitch you a ho, because you was [crosstalk 00:35:35]

Kenrya: You a ho and a bitch apparently.

Blanche: Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, let's drink some more water.

Kenrya: Don't be sorry.

Blanche: I'm drinking more water.

Kenrya: You can't really be my friend if you get offended by being called a bitch.

Erica: Right?

Erica: Don't call me a bitch. Don't call me a ho. Oh, we ain't kicking it.

Blanche: Yes, that was my experience. I've had a great time is what I'm saying. It started in elementary with the first kiss, to middle with the fake sex, elementary with the real sex, to college with the crazy experiences. I've never had a threesome just because I'm a baby and I'm scared. I appreciate anybody who can. You see what I'm saying? I want to do it, in my mind. In my mind I've done several. I've been asked to join at least four.

Erica: You've probably been asked to join more and didn't even realize it.

Kenrya: Right?

Blanche: I know. I'm just too afraid, y'all. You know what it is?

Kenrya: What are you afraid of?

Blanche: Because I want, once again I'll go back to this. For me, I really like when I can tell the person is into me. And I feel like sometimes in threesomes it's just about their need and I want you to be [inaudible 00:37:07]

Erica: No, no.

Erica: I think back on my best threesomes and it's when everyone's a greedy motherfucker. Like, everybody is greedy and getting theirs. And getting theirs, not in a stomp on you, I don't care if you don't get yours, like I'm responsible for making myself come and enjoying this. So they're going to do that and if everyone goes into it with a "We here. We got a mission. We all are here to enjoy ourselves." Then it's great because everyone's a greedy motherfucker. I'm doing what's going to make me happy and excited, but it's not an exploitative.

Blanche: There it is. There it is.

Erica: It's not like a "fuck you, I don't care if you get yours." It's just like a, "No, I'm gonna own what's happening here."

Kenrya: Responsibility for my orgasm.

Erica: Yes. And then everybody gets nasty.

Blanche: Right. The roughness. I want him to be like, "Oh, is that hurting? Do you feel good?" I don't want somebody to not care is what I'm saying, about my pleasure. But you're right. I should own my pleasure.

Erica: And own it in the sense of "Touch here. Do that." Girl, stick your titty here. You know, that kind of thing. Sorry, I got really excited.

Kenrya: You did!

Blanche: No, because I've been really afraid. Let me tell you an example. In college, I was invited to two in college. One was I was messing with a guy and he had my picture on his desk. He was an older guy. He had my picture on his desk at work and a female colleague said, "Oh, she's cute!" And asked him if she could join us. He asked me and I said, "Oh no!" So that was one with a girl. Then another time I was in college and we finished what we were doing and there was a knock at the door. We're butt naked. We just finished, there's a knock at the door.

Blanche: He gets up butt naked and answers the door. I'm like, "what the fuck are you doing?" Right? I'm running, trying to pick up my clothes, running to his bathroom, and I'm in the bathroom putting on my clothes and he knocks on the door. He's like, "What you doing?" And I'm like, "I'm putting on my clothes, you have company." I peak out and it's him and this fine ass nigga. Fine. On a normal day, he could have got it. It was just like, why? You can't just push a threesome on somebody.

Erica: Yeah. Don't try to trick me into it. A lot of times.

Kenrya: This nigga was waiting outside the door.

Erica: I'm cool with it if we discussed it, but don't try to trick me into some shit.

Blanche: Right, he was trying to do that and it was crazy. Let me tell, y'all. I was making up stuff like, "I gotta go do homework. I got important homework." I ain't gonna say the friend's name, but we got that one friend whose like, "I got important engineering homework. I got important engineering work to do." Anyway, that's what I did. Do you know that fine ass nigga walked me to my car? He was like, "Let me talk to you because my friend said you got that good."

Kenrya: Wow.

Erica: Oh my goodness.

Blanche: I know it's good. He was still trying to get some.

Erica: I don't think I was ready for threesomes. Did I have threesomes in college? Right after college. I wasn't ready for them in college because I was still caught up on what other people would think and I didn't quite own my sexuality the way I do now. Yeah, once you get out of your head and embrace it.

Blanche: My first time with an adult invitation was a swingers’ party with me and my husband.

Kenrya: Oh, I heard about that.

Blanche: Yeah, you did. I wasn't ready. Also, I was fat. You know, once again, mental.

Kenrya: Yeah, you were feeling self-conscious.

Blanche: Yeah, I was self-conscious about it. I didn't do it. But, maybe today. My husband maybe, I don't know. We'll see.

Erica: Now just because of germ theory, it might be difficult.

Kenrya: Now ain't the time.

Erica: Look, I always recommend for a couple, if you're new/unsure, definitely try a swingers’ party. Y'all don't have to interact with people, but just being with groups of people -

Blanche: Other people is seeing it, in a voyeur.

Erica: Y'all can go home and do some nasty shit.

Blanche: I'm ready. We got a club here.

Erica: We got one here too that I may or may not frequent.

Kenrya: I've been getting them emails. They're trying to get people to donate since they've closed.

Erica: I know. This is fucked.

Blanche: We do house parties over here too. House swinger parties.

Erica: I got invited to a birthday party a week ago. I'm like, "Fuck no!"

Blanche: Yeah, it's like, "The 'rona, the 'rona!"

Erica: Now is not the time.

Kenrya: A question just occurred to me that we should have asked a while ago. It may take you a minute to answer because I think I would have to take a minute. How many people do you think you've had sex with?

Erica: Oh, girl.

Blanche: I stopped counting at 40.

Erica: Honey.

Kenrya: I was thinking, we're talking about like this is your sex life, right? That's a question.

Blanche: I stopped counting at 40, but if you ask my husband, I've only been with three people.

Erica: That's fine.

Blanche: It's always three. I don't care who you are. You're the third.

Erica: Yeah, damn.

Blanche: The first time is always like, "Eh," second time, and the third time you whoop it out and you act like they taught you all that you do in that third time.

Erica: Yeah, you taught me this! "Right but I don't remember." You did. Be quiet.

Blanche: That's how you do your queening. Right? You just sit on his face. He be like, "I don't remember that." Sit on his face, queening. What you say?

Kenrya: Well, Blanche, thank you so much for joining us.

Blanche: Thank you for having me. This was so much fun. It really was.

Kenrya: It was. It's always good to have good people on the show, so thank you for coming on. Thank y'all for listening. This is the end of this week's episode of The Turn On podcast. We'll see you next week.

Erica: This episode was produced by us, Erica and Kenrya, and edited by B'Lystic. The theme song is from Brazy. First, please leave a review in your favorite podcast listening app. For real, we want to hear from y'all, send your book recommendations and all the burning sex and related questions you want us to answer to TheTurnOnPodcast@gmail.com. And please subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast app. Follow us on Twitter @TheTurnOnPod and Instagram @TheTurnOnPodcast, and find links to books, transcripts, guest info, and other fun stuff at TheTurnOnPodcast.com. Bye.