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In this bonus episode of The Turn On, Erica and Kenrya answer listener questions.
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Kenrya: Come here. Get off.
Erica: Hey, you all. Welcome to the Turn On podcast. This is the Fourth Quickie. So Kenrya and I are silently away bubbling at and brewing up the season two. However, here we are with a little quickie to quench your thirst, wetting your bussy-
Kenrya: Is that the sound of quenching a thirst and wetting a bussy.
Erica: Yeah. Wetting a bussy and giving you a little bit more to keep you coming back for season two.
Kenrya: Yes, bitch. I like that. That was unexpected.
Erica: Okay. So, this week's quickie is going to be a mailbag episode.
Erica: Ay, ay, ay.
Kenrya: Shout out to the folks who care enough to send us questions.
Erica: Yes. So, we have a few questions from our mailbag that Kenrya will read and we will give our advice.
Kenrya: It should be interesting.
Erica: Yeah. This will be interesting. So Killa Ken-
Kenrya: Let's get it.
Erica: ... Start that shit off.
Kenrya: Okay. So our first question comes from, I need a name for a chick. It looks like she's probably about our age.
Kenrya: All right. Okay, so this is from Donquetta. "I've been with my boo for seven years, married for five and we used to have amazing sex, like climbing the fucking walls till the cops come knocking sex. But lately I can't front, things are a bit boring. We do the same old positions in the same old spot. I can set my clock to when he's going to reach for me and for the 15 minutes that it's going to take." Yikes. "We need to do something new. I suggested bringing toys into the mix, just like a vibrator or something from my stash. But he's real anti. But I'm bored and I'm not trying to masturbate my life away when I got a nigga in the bed next to me every night. How can I convince him to let me liven things up?"
Erica: So I feel like we're going to have such different responses.
Kenrya: Do you think?
Erica: Yeah. Okay. So I think that one, I think you need to get him in on the toy selection action.
Kenrya: Oh that's good.
Erica: I think that sometimes men think of toys and then they think of 15 inch Black rubber dildos and I think that if you can get him in on the action of selecting a toy, he might be a little bit more receptive to it. Because I think there are some toys for beginners. I remember I have this little ... It's an eggy shaped ... It's an egg shaped vibrator.
Kenrya: I have one of those. It's called a Limón or some shit.
Erica: I know what you're talking about. Mine is not like that, because I was looking for yours and could not find it. But I have a little eggy shaped vibrator and I got it from one of those bedroom candy parties and the lady was like, "This would be good. It was good for you as a vibrator. But maybe if you're giving him a head, put it under his balls and maybe the vibrations will add a different sensation." So I think maybe if you just bring him in on the action, he might be a little more receptive and show him, it doesn't have to be anything super different. But just something a little different. Also, this made me think about just using stuff around the house like a pearl necklace or-
Kenrya: Have we ever done that?
Erica: A pearl necklace?
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Erica: Yeah girl.
Kenrya: Oh because didn't you all take a-
Erica: We took a blowjob class.
Kenrya: I didn't go.
Erica: That was the only good thing. Now, necklaces have little point little-
Kenrya: I feel like it would snag hairs.
Erica: Yeah. So you got to keep it high. Keep it high. But you know what I mean? Also, if you take the pearls and drag them across your body and drag them across your pussy and rub it across your clit, it just adds a little extra sensation. Because I think sometimes we feel like it has to be something completely, dramatically different in order to change things up and it could just be something very different. I mean, very small. That'll just click something and make it just a little bit better. So I say bring him in on it and then also think about things that you might have that doesn't make it feel like we're using a toy. But "Oh look, the necklace I took off from work, let me drag this across my pussy" or also another thing, let him lay in bed and watch you masturbate.
Kenrya: Yeah. That's one of my things.
Erica: Oh sorry.
Kenrya: No, it's good.
Erica: Because then he will see this is my friend and this is your friend. This can be our friend.
Kenrya: Yes. Okay. I thought those are great.
Kenrya: I think this is funny. Because this is where we ... So first, I think you need to have a conversation. I know. Don't roll your eyes at me.
Erica: No. I do think communication is important.
Kenrya: Yeah. The reality is you're not happy with your sex life right now. You clearly love this dude because you didn't say shit about cheating on him.
Erica: He's trash.
Kenrya: Yeah. So tell him that you're frustrated. Just be honest and say, "Hey, look. We don't have to do nothing crazy. But I would like to do some new stuff and mix it up. You probably do too." And ask him, is there something he wants to do that you all haven't been able to do.
Erica: A fantasy.
Kenrya: Yeah. Is there something that he's always wanted to do. But been afraid to say something or maybe something that he saw in a porno that he might want to try with you. There may be something that's under the surface there that he hasn't said, that you all can bring out and use to your advantage to be able to mix things up together. But I think honesty works and helps and direct conversations. Also just a plus one, which you said about toys, I would also say look for couple toys. Something that doesn't replicate a penis. Because I do think that oftentimes that's where the anxiety comes in, where they feel like you're trying to replace them.
Erica: Nevermind the fact that it's pink and glowing and has-
Kenrya: On fucking purpose.
Kenrya: That's why. Exactly. But something-
Erica: My favorite dildo is realistic than a motherfucker.
Kenrya: I don't own any dildos.
Kenrya: I used to have a little pink one. It was neon pink.
Erica: No. Mine is a big, Black dick. Well, a big, brown dick. He's got veins and everything.
Kenrya: Does it?
Erica: He is gorgeous.
Kenrya: Mine had veins. But it was only maybe seven inches, it wasn't big enough. But it was a vibrator. But it was a dildo and if I wasn't careful that, it would just go inside. I don't even know where it is anymore.
Erica: Probably at home in your daughter's...
Kenrya: Yeah. A couple of times now, she's taken my toys. That's why now they sit higher than she can see.
Kenrya: It's trifling. A-plus parenting.
Erica: They're all pretty. Yeah.
Kenrya: But something that doesn't replicate a penis, I think might go over a little bit easier in the bedroom. So your point of finding something around the house or something like that and then things that don't need to be inserted. So my little feather duster.
Erica: Yeah. I was thinking about that.
Kenrya: Yeah. It just heightened sensation. It's sexy enough that it feels like you're doing something extra and it absolutely, these for me, brings all the ... Just makes me tingle when it's used. It'll heighten your sensation and hopefully not threaten him in some kind of a way.
Erica: You know what? Also, the couple's toys where he has the little remote control vibrator where put it in you and then he gets to play with it. So it's a total, you get your thing and he probably getting off on feeling like he's doing something.
Erica: So, yeah.
Kenrya: It's not lost on me that all of this is us just trying to navigate around toxic masculinity.
Erica: Pandering a nigga.
Kenrya: Yeah. The fact that-
Erica: You're right. How do I make him feel better about-
Erica: ... Having an open mind.
Kenrya: ... About me wanting do something and so a part of me is just like, fuck it, yo. Just buy what you want and bring it in and do what the fuck.
Erica: No. I-
Kenrya: Is he going to walk away if you laying there with your pussy open and a vibrator on your clit? Is he? Really?
Erica: So, I get it. I hear you. I feel you. Because yeah, a part of me says like, fuck that. If you aint down, I'm going to be down. But shoe on the other foot. There could be reasons that he ... If he's one of the nigga that's-
Kenrya: Which is why a conversation is good to have.
Erica: You're right. Because if he's one of those niggas like, I aint trying to handle no another dick in my bed. Nigga, fuck you. But if it's just like, I'm uncomfortable because-
Kenrya: Right. He's not there.
Erica: We all have really weird ideas-
Erica: ... About sex.
Erica: ... And so if it's one of those things and I think it's worth having a conversation and helping him figure it out. But, yes. I don't want to have to trick a nigga into fucking me well.
Kenrya: So I guess-
Erica: Starts with conversation.
Kenrya: Right. If the conversation is just, "I'm a man and all you need is this dick and if this ain't getting it then I don't know what. Something's wrong with you." Well, then you all got to have a whole another situation.
Erica: Yeah. Dump the motherfucker already.
Kenrya: Now. Exactly.
Erica: In the words of the great Dan Savage, Is he problematic?
Kenrya: He's a white man?
Erica: He's married to a Black man-
Kenrya: So, what?
Erica: ... I was about to say, which could be that he's not problematic or he's problematic as fuck and -
Kenrya: Yeah. That don't mean shit.
Erica: ... I'm married to a Black man. But anyway, he always says "dump the motherfucker already."
Erica: So, yeah.
Kenrya: Or in the words of Crissle and Kid Fury…
Erica: Break up with him.
Kenrya: ... "Break up with him."
Erica: Yeah. All right.
Kenrya: Marriage is cool. But we both been there and did that.
Kenrya: Then you deserve to be with somebody who actually wants to make you cum.
Kenrya: Not 15 minutes of missionary sex that you don't enjoy. If you enjoy 15 minutes of missionary sex, well then shit. Then you're all good.
Erica: I like 15 minutes of sex even missionary for 15 minutes.
Kenrya: But you just wrote in and said that you don't.
Erica: Mm-hmm (affirmative). So, okay.
Kenrya: Yeah. That's our advice.
Erica: Hope that helps, Donquetta.
Kenrya: Was that her name? Okay. Good luck. All right, here is another one. This one's a little tougher. "I'm pregnant and also I'm horny. One more thing, back when they became a couple, I spent a lot of time giving Seal, the side eye for getting with Heidi Klum when she was pregnant with her ex's baby." Okay. I get it.
Erica: Yeah. I get it.
Kenrya: "Minding other people's business, I felt like he was going where no man really needed to be going until after the baby was born. Now I'm older and less interested-
Erica: The tables have turned.
Kenrya: Exactly. "Older and less interested in what other people do and I'm also trying to find a man with Seal's adventurous spirit, who's happy to have sex with a woman with the baby bump that he had nothing to do with creating. Do those men exist and where do I find them? and more to the point, how do I make sure he's not just fulfilling some creepy fetish? To be clear, I don't want a relationship. I simply want some fun, casual sex and I'm not sure if this is unrealistic to want, at six months pregnant."
Kenrya: Oh. We didn't give her a name.
Kenrya: Okay. Hey, Pregeisha.
Erica: Hey, Pregeisha. Okay, here's the thing. I was rocking with you until you were like, I don't want to be a fetish.
Erica: I get it.
Kenrya: Because that's the easiest way to go.
Erica: Yeah. Because I get it. As well Black woman, if I were to be with a white man, I don't want to be some white man's fetish. He'd be like, I want this Ebony goddess. However if I just wanted to fuck a white guy, I wouldn't-
Kenrya: You wouldn't give a shit.
Erica: ... Even give a fuck if he was a fetish.
Erica: So I feel like maybe you need to get past the is this a fetish thing and just be like, you got a big dick? You know how to fuck and shit maybe if it's a fetish, this nigga know what he doing.
Erica: Maybe it's-
Kenrya: He knows what positions work well.
Erica: Yeah. You were going to the pregnant pussies-R-us. We specialize in keeping them maintained and detailed. So, I would get past the, is this a fetish thing.
Erica: It'd be different if you were trying to form a lasting relationship. Okay. Then check into it.
Kenrya: And with it, even if it's a fetish, you still have power. You still to dictate.
Erica: Yeah. It's not like squirt milk on me.
Kenrya: He's not allow me to say ... Exactly.
Erica: Okay. I aint doing that.
Kenrya: And if you don't want him to say, put your big round belly, you can say, nigga don't say that or this is over.
Erica: Because you know what, I think about doms and women that do dom work and they are there to fulfill a fetish and most Dom's aren't doing it because they are ... You like the money. But you're in it because you get something out of it too. So get your something and fuck what he getting.
Erica: You control the situation. This is yo pussy, it's yo pregnant belly and again, if this nigga is really into it, he probably knows how to treat it right. So I say that and then I say to find one, FetLife.
Kenrya: I was about to say, whats our resource?
Erica: I've been on FetLife lately and honey you can find any mother fucking thing on FetLife. I had a nigga messaged me and asked me, will I save my toenails and mail them to him.
Kenrya: Okay. For how much?
Erica: Yeah. He was offering...details, anyway. We'll talk about that later. You can find anybody on FetLife for anything and not on some this is some creepy seedy underworld. I'm on FetLife and I think I'm a pretty neato person. So I think they're normal people. It's just I have a very specific kink and I'm looking for someone that can meet me with this kink. So I say girl, Pregeisha, hit me up, DM me. I will give you some tips on establishing a semi-anonymous FetLife account and we can get you rocking and rolling. Because girl, don't it help to have orgasms when you're pregnant?
Kenrya: Oh man. Well, that's when you're trying to actually start labor. It helps to have all that at the end.
Erica: Well shit.
Kenrya: But no. Things are really extra gushy and super wet.
Erica: Yeah. So you missing out on ... Girl.
Erica: You getting them stretch marks, might as well get some good sex out of it.
Erica: You're probably going to really fluffy, fantastic baby out of the situation too.
Kenrya: Yeah. I don't have anything to add. I think you're exactly right. I was going to ask what's your resources and you just gave one, damn. All right. Well.
Erica: Yeah. That's it.
Kenrya: Good luck Pregeisha. We're excited for you and your little one and hope you get some dick.
Erica: Please get some dick.
Erica: Because when that baby come-
Kenrya: There aint going to be no time.
Erica: Girl. Just-
Kenrya: Yeah. Really, focus on your needs. Because you about to be all the way focused on the baby's needs.
Kenrya: Just have sex. Just have sex.
Kenrya: Yeah and don't use Bumble or any of those kinds of things.
Kenrya: That's not the place for that and I think it could be, while you can probably find somebody on there, the mindset is different there. Because you just want some one night or an arrangement or whatever.
Erica: Yeah. I feel like on Bumble, guys feel like that they have to, or on the dating apps, guys feel like they have to-.
Kenrya: They got to play game.
Erica: Yeah and it's like, no-
Kenrya: I just want that.
Erica: ... Just give me some sex. Yeah.
Kenrya: Maybe Tinder's like that. I never used it.
Kenrya: All right. Here's another. Okay, it's another woman, I need another name.
Erica: Paint a picture for me.
Kenrya: I can't. I don't want to ... I'll give it away.
Kenrya: Okay, Dawn. All right. "I'm Dawn. I'm in a relationship with a straight man. We've been together a year and things are amazing."
Erica: Boo. Sorry. Sorry for ... My condolences. Sorry.
Kenrya: Sorry for that man. "We are really good together and the sex is consistently amazing." Okay.
Kenrya: "But something happened and I don't know what to do. I didn't realize he was in the bathroom and I opened the door and I saw him wearing a pair of my underwear while brushing his teeth. I apologized and closed the door and didn't say anything. Now it's a day later and things feel awkward and I don't know what to do. Help. Dawn."
Erica: I actually like this.
Kenrya: I know. I'm not mad.
Erica: I'm not mad at all.
Erica: I just think that you need to clear the air. First, how do you feel about it? Are you comfortable with it?
Kenrya: Why does it feel awkward? Is it because you didn't say anything or is it because you're concerned about something?
Erica: Yeah. But if you like wearing my panties, cool. Savage is having a good old-
Kenrya: Buy us some underwear.
Erica: ... A good old sale. So get us some good shit.
Erica: The thing is, I don't think I necessarily would want to see my man in my ... Cross-dressing or I don't want to see him ... I don't want to see my man in my stuff. But if that's what you'd like to do, if that makes you feel comfortable, then by all means. Because I want you-
Kenrya: I want you to be comfortable and be yourself.
Erica: Coming out of a marriage that I was in and forcing myself to conform or be a certain way for the sake of saving this relationship or being with this person. That shit was misery.
Kenrya: That's right.
Kenrya: And who wants to be with a miserable nigga? Nobody.
Erica: Yeah. If this brings you happiness, if this makes you feel good. You know what? There's some things that I probably do, that you like, this weird bitch. So if that's your thing, then fine. So I say just, at first figure out how you feel about it. Why you feel the way you do. But then make it quick. Because you all can't be walking around for six because-
Kenrya: And do this today.
Erica: Yeah. Because you don't want to have this built up.
Kenrya: Right. Awkwardness in your relationship.
Erica: Because I feel the awkwardness will then further-
Kenrya: Because he's thinking you're judging him and-
Erica: ... further your connection-
Kenrya: create distance between you and him.
Erica: Yeah. So figure out-
Kenrya: Figure out how you feel.
Erica: ... and say some shit.
Kenrya: And let's talk about a little bit. So you and I are both like, okay. That's cool. Why you hide it. Sorry I walked in on you. I need to knock on doors.
Erica: Yeah. I'm sorry I walked in on your personal time.
Erica: That's also one of the things where I feel like, if my partner saw my porn ... There's only one person I've ever disclose my porn search history to and it was somebody who was having sex, I'm really having really comfortable good sex with. But generally no, dawg. That aint for you. That aint-
Erica: ... And I tell y'all everything. I just told you how I got a nigga trying to buy my toenail clippings and I ain't got cute toes. But, that's asking a white person who they voted for. How dare you.
Kenrya: What did I tell you about fucking their wife.
Erica: Yeah. I was fucking my wife. Wait, you asking me who I voted for it. Yeah. So, I do not share my porn search term history. But if my partner found out, I would want him to be more, him or her, to be more comfortable with it. Then being eh. So that's how I feel about the panty saying. But if you're not careful,
Kenrya: If you're not, then you need to interrogate why you are not. You started out by saying you're in a relationship with a straight man. So, that tells me that you think that he's straight. I hope that you're not questioning his sexuality and that you can separate what you wear from who you want to have sex with-
Kenrya: ... And also from who you are with. Because even if he did identify as something other than "straight", that has nothing to do with the fact that he's in a committed relationship with you.
Erica: Yeah. Yeah.
Kenrya: So I would hope that there is not fear creeping in for some reason and if it is, it's you interrogate that and ask yourself what that is about and what that has to do with the relationship that you're having. Because you just said it was great.
Erica: Yeah. Yeah. I completely agree with you on all those points.
Erica: So yay.
Kenrya: And then if it's his thing, then buy some underwear together.
Kenrya: Make it fun.
Erica: Or if it's his thing where he doesn't want you to be a part of it-
Kenrya: Then respect that too.
Erica: ... respect that too.
Kenrya: Exactly. But still say something to him so he's not thinking-
Erica: Yeah. You all got to say something.
Kenrya: Because I'm sure he just waiting on you and it probably feels like torture.
Kenrya: Poor baby.
Erica: I'm waiting on her to dump me.
Kenrya: All because you opened the door without fucking knocking.
Erica: That's your fault, Dawn. No. Yeah.
Kenrya: So yeah. Go say something, boo.
Erica: That was a good one.
Erica: And I love it. I would love to know that my partner's got some little ... Well most of my partners ... I'm a freak. So most of my partners would be like, I'm nasty and this is how.
Kenrya: Yeah. My partner's-
Erica: We roll out the nasty on date three. But-
Kenrya: Right. I have a lot of weird stuff-
Erica: ... After the first fuck.
Kenrya: ... So who the fuck am I? Who's to say that that's weird. But you know what I mean?
Kenrya: Unexpected things, perhaps. Things that you wouldn't look at me and think that are my thing. Right?
Kenrya: That once you're in, it's like, okay, bitch. I see.
Erica: Yeah. Oh. So this is what we're doing today.
Kenrya: But if you have a reaction that's other than that, then I feel judged-
Kenrya: ... And I'm not hanging around to be judged.
Erica: Exactly. Exactly.
Kenrya: That's not it.
Erica: And don't try ... I feel like if you feel like this is something that you can't handle.
Kenrya: just say so.
Erica: Get out.
Kenrya: Don't punish him or make him feel like he's less than because there's something that you don't rock with. It doesn't mean that there's not somebody else out there who will. Like us.
Erica: Send him my way. Okay. So this wraps up our Fourth Quickie-
Kenrya: Of season one.
Erica: ... Of season one.
Erica: Thank you all for joining us. This is Erica and Kenrya. Two hoes, making it clap.
Kenrya: Two hoes, making it clap.
Erica: We hope you enjoyed this week's Quickie. We're hard at work on season two of the Turn On and finding fantastic books to share and amazing experts to join us in the studio and we're counting the days until we return on January 1st. In the meantime, keep hitting us up at TheTurnOnPodcast@gmail.com with your book recommendations and burning sex and related questions and follow us on Twitter at TheTurnonPod and Instagram at TheTurnonPodcast. So you don't miss a minute and remember the Turn On is a part of the Frolic Podcast Network. You can find more podcasts you love at frolicmedia/podcast. Thanks for listening and we'll see you soon.
The Turn On
The Turn On is a podcast for Black people who want to get off. To open their minds. To learn. To be part of a community. To show that we love and fuck too, and it doesn't have to be political or scandalous or dirty. Unless we want it to be.