Season 5 | Episode 1 | Sure Thing

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SHOW NOTES
​This week, Erica and Kenrya read Ava Freeman's “Four Letter Word” and talk flagrant flirting, hiding shit from your friends, ghosting, interactions with exes and dating folks with zero previous romantic relationship experience. 

​RESOURCES
Book, Four Letter Word: (After Hours Book 1) | Amazon
Author, Ava Freeman | Website | Instagram | Twitter

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TRANSCRIPT
Kenrya: Come here. Get off.
 
[theme music]
 
Erica: Hey, y'all. So welcome to season five of The Turn On. So today we are going to be reading “Four Letter Word,” which was written by Ava Freeman. So sit back, relax, get your wine, your weed, whatever you need, and enjoy.
 
Kenrya: Yeah.
 
Kenrya: “Four Letter Word” by Ava Freeman. "You're shaking. Do I make you that nervous?" Maya asked if she continued to lay kisses on Anais. "More than you know," Anais said with a laugh, as she tried to control her breathing. "Then let me make it easy for you," Maya said  as she reached beneath Anais's shirt to unsnap her bra and took off her top. Anais's nipples hardened as Maya touched them, and each time she pulled a nipple into her mouth, Anais's pussy gushed more sweet nectar. Her back arched forward to feel more of her. "I've been craving you for so long," Anais whispered, as Maya pushed her back and inched her way down her waist, undoing her pants. "Mmm, let's see if it's as good as you imagined," Maya said. She pulled off her pants and underwear in one quick move. Anais's head fell back as Maya laid kisses on her thighs.
 
Kenrya: She fought the urge to push her head down where she wanted it. She needed to savor the moment, but her hips had other plans as they involuntarily moved up, seeking Maya's mouth. Maya pushed them down and continued to tease her. "You're enjoying torturing me, aren't you?" Anais said with a moan. Maya didn't answer and instead spread her pussy with her thumbs. She blew lightly over the heated flesh and made Anais almost cry with how good it felt. Her tongue darted out and slowly slid along the folds. She avoided the clit, but Anais was so turned on it didn’t matter. She let out a deep moan and began muttering, "Please." In response, Maya finally placed her mouth in her clit and sucked and licked at the same time. Her mouth and tongue moved in unison. And it didn't take long for Anais to feel herself at the edge of cumming. She didn't want it to be over, but she couldn't take much longer.
 
Kenrya: Months of arousal had led up to this moment. "Oh God, Maya," Anais screamed out as the orgasm hit her. It was powerful and felt like warm bursts of energy had exploded all over her abdomen. She trembled, as she slowly felt herself coming down. Maya kept her steady with her hands on her hips as she languidly lapped at Anais' center. "You taste delicious," Maya said, as she leaned her head on her thigh. "I'm not sure I'll be able to concentrate at work knowing something this tasty is right down the hall." Anais grinned and ran her hands through Maya's hair. She was still a bit in shock at everything that just taken place. Her mind was racing with what she wanted to do to the other woman. "Do you mind if I jump in the shower?" Maya said, as she ran her hands over Anais's thighs. "I feel like I could use one."
 
Kenrya: "Sure," Anais said, trying to hide her disappointment. She wanted to reciprocate, but it seemed it would have to wait. She got up and found a towel and a washcloth for Maya. The other woman entered the bathroom, but seemed to think better of it and pull Anais in for a kiss. "I want some more," Maya said when she ended the kiss. "Care to join me?" "Definitely," Anais replied with a grin. Anais waited for a bit to give Maya some time before she went inside. When she couldn't take it anymore, she removed the rest of her clothes and entered the bathroom. It was steamy from the heat and she hurriedly closed the door. The shower curtain pulled to the side and Maya peeked her head out. "What took you so long?" she said with a mischievous smile. Without a word, Anais got in and let the water hit her body.
 
Kenrya: She took in Maya who stood there with soap still clinging to her. Her skin reminded her of a Hershey bar and she wanted to lick her all over to see if she tasted as good. "If you knew how wet my pussy was for you right now, wouldn't be just standing there," Maya said as she rubbed the washcloth over her breast. That was all it took for Anais to move in and grab her into a kiss. Theirs tongue slid against each other as Anais let her hands roam over the woman she'd been longing to touch for so long. Her ass was round and full, her back muscled and strong, and else was so soft. The soap on her made them rub against each other in a deliciously slippery way. Anais took the shower head down and leaned Maya flat against the shower wall, "Open your legs and rest your foot here," Anais said, pointing to the tub's opposite edge.
 
Kenrya: Maya did what she was told with a look of curiosity. When she realized what Anais planned to do, a smile appeared. Anais smile too, and bent her head to take one of her chocolate nipples into her mouth. She felt it harden as she sucked and then moved to the other. She lavished attention on Maya's breast as her other hand slowly brought the shower head toward her pussy. She'd already changed the setting to pulsate and directed it at her clit. She felt when it hit, because her nipples hardened even more. Maya's moans echoed off the shower walls as Anais moved the shower head in steady, circular motions. When their lips met again, Anais had to fight the urge to drop to the shower floor. She wanted to see Maya's face as she came, watched as she writhed in ecstasy, and know that she was the cause. She wanted to see Maya's face as she came, watch as she writhed in ecstasy, and know that she was the cause. It Wasn't long before she had her wish as Maya's body shook and she cried out into Anais's mouth, "Damn baby, that was so good," Maya said, wrapping her arms around Anais as her body calmed down. "I think we need to repeat that with your mouth this time." "Mmm, I could go for that. How about we 69?" Maya broke out in a grin. "I thought you'd never ask."
 
[theme music]
 
Erica: Okay, y'all. So welcome back. Kenrya, thank you for that lovely reading. Can you give us a little synopsis of the story?
 
Kenrya: Let's try. So the star of this book is Anais and she works with this chick named Maya, and she is thoroughly in lust with her, in her head, right? But she's not really sure if Maya... Not only is she not sure if she's into her, but she's also not sure if she's a lesbian. She just wants it to be. And she spends a lot of time imagining them.
 
Erica: Shit I was talking. I said, "First things first."
 
Kenrya: Might be an important thing to figure out.
 
Erica: Yes.
 
Kenrya: But she's like, it's a workplace. She's afraid to kind of put herself out there like that in the workspace kind of a deal. But so eventually they do end up getting together and along the way we meet her ex-girlfriend, who should probably not be in her life, but still is in her life. And we also meet her best friend who always tells her the truth about every motherfucking thing. And so we kind of follow the course of this, not a relationship and then a relationship, as it goes on and hijinks ensue. Is that is?
 
Erica: Hijinks ensue, dot, dot, dot. Sorry. I definitely thought... I was fooling with my phone, swore it was in whatchamacallit, so. Okay. Yo, so first, Kenrya mentioned Anais has a best friend who does not fuck with her ex. Her ex's name is Sherry. So it made me think if you're doing the best friend thing right, your best friend should be someone you can come to free your judgment, right? Just, my best friend is my safe space. There's some that I tell Kenrya that folks should not know or they ain't supposed to hear that shit. Because, so I feel like if I'm at a point where I am hiding shit from you, Kenrya, that shit ain't right.
 
Kenrya: You going to get fucked up.
 
Erica: It's like my barometer for doing wrong. Oh, shit.
 
Kenrya: You hear my mic fall? Yeah.
 
Erica: Yeah, it's my barometer for doing wrong. If I'm hiding shit from you. Nope, shit ain't right. I need to... yeah.
 
Kenrya: Yes.
 
Erica: And it's kind of fucked up.
 
Kenrya: Same. I mean, I think it's been a long time since I've done that. But I have definitely...
 
Erica: So Killa, we've talked about keeping stuff from our besties, but I mean, at the end of the day, yes, you're hiding things. You're not doing it right, right? But, one, I think it's a good barometer for like, "This shit ain't..." If you afraid to tell your bestie, there's some issues afoot. Because yes, times of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Your bestie is your safe space.
 
Kenrya: Right.
 
Erica: But it's not always because it's like, "This bitch going to bitch." I think that...
 
Kenrya: Give me an example though, because I can't think of a time-
 
Erica: I mean, we could-
 
Kenrya: Well, okay. No, you're right.
 
Erica: Yeah. Exactly.
 
Kenrya: Yeah, you're right.
 
Erica: Former. Now, I feel like we're moving in a space where we're more aware of things. Also, we don't carry the shame of others.
 
Kenrya: That part. Woo!
 
Erica: And so, we're able to be like, "Yo, this happened." Because we're able to recognize that some shit that happened ain't got shit to do with me, it just happened to happen to me.
 
Kenrya: Absolutely.
 
Erica: So, yeah. Now. But in the past, we were in fucked up relationships. Like, I can't believe I let this motherfucker do this to me. I'd be embarrassed to tell any fucking body, right?
 
Kenrya: Same. And that's that language that “I let someone do that to me.” Oh God. 100% have been in that space and held stuff from you that I should have told you. But I was embarrassed or because I was worried about judgment on me or worried about judgment on that nigga. Because I wasn't ready to leave yet.
 
Erica: Because you wasn't ready to go. Yeah.
 
Kenrya: Yeah.
 
Erica: Because yes, if some shit happen and it's fucked up and it makes that person look like a fuckboy, that's fine. But nigga, don't be coming to me in another three weeks, talking about some shit he did again, because it's like, "Hey."
 
Kenrya: "Well bitch, it's a pattern."
 
Erica: You knew what you was dealing with.
 
Kenrya: Right.
 
Erica: So, yeah. I definitely think it's one of those things where you got to kind of keep shit from people. And-
 
Kenrya: But you don't, though. That's the thing, right? Because that's not healthy, because I wish that I had, even though there was a pattern-
 
Erica: Exactly.
 
Kenrya: ... that I had shared, so that you could help me see that pattern, right? Because I was too close to it. And even once I saw the pattern, I didn't want to admit that I saw the pattern. I was too afraid to rock the boat. I was too scared to change that shit up. But if I had been honest with you from the beginning and let you know every time some fuck shit happened, then you could have helped me to see that it was a pattern of fuck shit and helped to give me the courage to move on.
 
Erica: Because the bestie is good for keeping tally of some fuck shit. You're like, "Well, let me pull out my paper."
 
Kenrya: 100%.
 
Erica: And yeah, I think that we know when shit is fucked up and we try to, "You don't understand." Look, if it needs to be explained to that level, it probably ain't right. And that's not to say you share everything with everyone, because I know that there have certainly been situations like that. I just need to figure shit out before I can share it. I mean, you get shit hot out the oven. That shit be like... I be like, "Kenrya, I'm kind of thinking." So, I mean-
 
Kenrya: Usually at that point I've also already thought about it. So then I can just be like, "Bitch, I'm glad you said something, because this how I've been feeling for the last three weeks."
 
Erica: Oh my gosh. So-
 
Kenrya: "But I was waiting on you to get there."
 
Erica: ... this weekend I was out of town with a good friend and she's a friend, and we have hung out before, but this was our first weekend together, spending time doing some fuck shit. And I was just moving like Erica, right? I say what's ever on my mind. It's usually not offensive. But sometimes it's just like, "Oh, she really said that." So, and case in point, we're somewhere and there's this bitch, she was fucking tall as fuck, gorgeous. Like, walk in a room and you're just like, "God damn."
 
Kenrya: Oh, sure. Yeah.
 
Erica: She's so tall. And so fucking pretty, you can't help but stare. So she walks in a room and we're like... and I look at my friend, I'm like, "God damn, she's tall and beautiful as fuck." And so my friend and looks at me, she's like, "Yeah, you just going to say that out loud, huh?" And I'm like-
 
Kenrya: Why would you not?
 
Erica: ... "Yeah." And we're like-
 
Kenrya: If she was close enough, you would've told her herself.
 
Erica: Exactly. We were in Jersey. We were in Edison, New Jersey for Exxxotica, which is... We probably have listeners from Jersey, so I don't want to shit on the community too bad, but it was just like Bizarro World.
 
Kenrya: Wow.
 
Erica: You're driving and you miss an exit. And instead of being able to make U-turn, you're in a 10-lane highway, so you end up 30 minutes away. You're just like, "What the fuck?" It was just very Bizarro World. So we end up getting lost trying to find some food. And we end up in this... and when we were looking for food, we could tell that there were a bunch of Asian restaurants. It was just a ton of Asian restaurants. And I'm like, "I don't know about this." But we pull up into this strip mall and we see people coming out of the grocery store and it's a ton of Asians.
 
Erica: So I'm like, "Oh, they're a town of Asians. This food's good as fuck." But my friend is like, "Bitch, you going to shout that any louder?" And I'm like, it's not offensive. It's just a fact.
 
Kenrya: True.
 
Erica: But we ended up getting some really good dumplings and sitting and drinking wine that we purchased from the liquor store next door. So yeah, I realized that I didn't... so I got to figure this out about Jersey. We passed one restaurant. There was a big sign that said, "No BYOB." And we saw that in a few other places. So I'm like, maybe it is generally BYOB?
 
Kenrya: Yeah. I don't know. It's been so long since I... I mean, I never lived in Jersey, but I lived nearby, but I never... nah, usually I was drinking as somebody else's house if I was in Jersey, so I don't know. Yeah.
 
Erica: Exactly. So, yeah. But so I am the type of person that shit comes out as it's being developed. And I just try not to be a fuckboy in just generally who I am. So even if it comes out unedited, it's not some shit that's going to have me fucked up, right?
 
Kenrya: Yeah. Because that's not who you are.
 
Erica: We were talking about Kevin Hart one night and she was saying how she watched that Netflix documentary on him or whatever. And she was like, "At one point you could tell his homeboys was, not tired of his shit, but they're like, 'Yeah, we just can't let him riff, because he might say some that might get him fucked up.'" And it's just kind of like, that's a problem. If I can't trust you to speak without-
 
Kenrya: Being fucking offensive?
 
Erica: Exactly. Then you're just an offensive motherfucker.
 
Kenrya: Yeah.
 
Erica: Even at my worst, I'm not being a jerk, saying some shit that's going to lose me a Pepsi deal or some shit like that, you know?
 
Kenrya: Awards show hosting gig.
 
Erica: Exactly.
 
Kenrya: It's funny. My partner and I were just talking about him. Because I was talking about how I've divested from so many comedians who I used to really think were funny.
 
Erica: Yeah. You're truly fuck them niggas in all parts of life with everything.
 
Kenrya: Yeah, I have a hard line. Once you cross that shit, you're dead to me.
 
Erica: No. I mean, yes. I mean-
 
Kenrya: I mean when it comes to celebrities and people... When people are transphobic, when people are... I am done. I was raised to vote with my dollars. I grew up in a Black nationalist home. We don't fuck with people that don't fuck with us. And so, when people say things or do things... like, Kevin Hart's thing was he was saying a lot of really shitty things about the queer community, I was out. That was the end of me and Kevin Hart.
 
Erica: Yeah. I mean, I'm not... yeah, whatever. I'm not... we'll get into that offline because I have some really very specific views and concerns about him. However, I don't want to put it out publicly because I ain't trying to be out there on some like, spreading rumors or some shit, because they're completely unfounded. It's just, this is like-
 
Kenrya: That's how you feel, shit.
 
Erica: It's just my auntie spidey-senses at work. So, yeah. I'm not going to put it out there, because my rationale for it is very one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. So I'm definitely not going to put it out there, but yeah. So I mean with back to keeping things from people that are around you. When I found out I had cancer, I had to roll it out, or say in certain ways to certain people just because, one, there's questions. And the one thing that I learned when you get diagnosed with any major illness is that you will never walk away from one appointment knowing everything. So it's hard to... because you're going to get a ton of questions. So, there's that.
 
Erica: And also there ain't you can do about it at this point. Now, there are some people that are in my life that, even though I can't do shit, bitch, I need to know. Those people knew, you know? Or when I was going through my divorce, I kept it from my family a very long time, considering the fact that I talk to my family daily. I talk to somebody in my family just about every day. My sister knew very early. She knew. I think I got off the phone with you and called her, but I needed to be able to make my own decision, not swayed by anyone else's thinking. And opening it up to my family would just-
 
Kenrya: Complicate that a bit.
 
Erica: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and so by the time I told them, I was like, "This is a thing, this is happening." And there were tons of questions and, "You should, and you should," That's fine, honey. You can say all you want, but what I know I'm going to do is this.
 
Kenrya: Right.
 
Erica: So I just feel like you-
 
Kenrya: Sometimes you need that time to process. Yeah.
 
Erica: Yes. But at the end of the day you need one person, at least one person. I had two or three, one of which was my therapist, that's going to hold you accountable to some shit, so you got to be honest with them.
 
Kenrya: Yeah, for sure.
 
Erica: Which also talks about honesty with your therapist, because you know niggas that been in therapy for years.
 
Kenrya: Oh, uh-huh (affirmative).
 
Erica: And they be like... And I'm like, "God damn, what y’all getting too? Because you still a fucking ratchet individual." Because they be liking.
 
Kenrya: Because they be in there fucking lying. Exactly. Not telling the fucking truth about what they're dealing with. And so they are not making any progress. It's like paying for a friend.
 
Erica: Yep. Yep.
 
Kenrya: Which I guess is fine, but damn, it feels really good when you make progress in therapy. Y'all should try it.
 
Erica: Right?
 
Kenrya: When I got stepped down from weekly to every other week? Bitch. Pat myself on the back. And you graduated.
 
Erica: Girl, I felt... yeah, I graduated. Even though I do need to reach out to her, because she's retiring. And I feel like I need to at least get her to onboard someone else, so when I go in for tuneups, I ain't got to explain everything.
 
Kenrya: Did she forward you the email about how to do that? I'll send it to you.
 
Erica: Yeah, I got it, honey. I got it. And it was just... it was a lot. It was a lot.
 
Kenrya: Yeah. I was literally just texting her before we got on.
 
Erica: It was a lot of work and so, yes. Okay. So did you have more to say about holding back?
 
Kenrya: No. Just that Anais is absolutely holding back, because she knows that her best friend is going to read her ass for not handling things the right way with her ex.
 
Erica: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
 
Kenrya: Yeah.
 
Erica: Yeah. Okay. So we got that. Now, okay. So, when Anais and Maya hooked up for the first time, right? Maya was like... I don't know if they were laying in bed, but at some point they're like, "Oh, you're the best. This is great." Maya was like, "Oh, I saw you used to do this in the break room and that." And you can tell Maya has put a lot of thought into her attraction to her.
 
Kenrya: And we dreaming of a relationship with her, and yeah.
 
Erica: Where Anais was like, "I was trying to see what that mouth do."
 
Kenrya: Yes.
 
Erica: And also, like, "I'm not trying to have a relationship with you." She was just like, "The pressing issue are my loins."
 
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
 
Erica: Loin, loin, loins.
 
Kenrya: Loins?
 
Erica: "Are my nibbly bits. And I need for that to be addressed before we can go any place else."
 
Kenrya: Yeah, that was as far as she got in her imagination, was how she would look in lingerie and fucking. Taking it off.
 
Erica: Yeah, which is... I can say, I'm guilty. I may or may not be guilty of shit like that.
 
Kenrya: I mean, I don't think there's... it's something to be guilty of, right? Like, sometimes what you're interested in is fucking. Sometimes what you're interested in is a relationship and sometimes it's both.
 
Erica: Yeah, but then I end up in a relationship. Well, no. I'll be like, "Hmm, what that mouth do? What that dick do?" And then I turn it into a relationship. And then I find out what that mouth do and what that dick do, and it might be satisfying, it might not. And then I'm like, "Hey, you ready to go home yet?"
 
Kenrya: Oh my God.
 
Erica: "Don't you got to go let your dog out?"
 
Kenrya: "Don't forget your jacket, motherfucker."
 
Erica: You know what, or things like, "You left something here." "It's okay."
 
Kenrya: "You can keep it."
 
Erica: "I don't need that phone. Just keep it." I'm so trifling.
 
Kenrya: Oh, trying to escape and shit.
 
Erica: Yeah. Yeah. Which leads me to ghosting.
 
Kenrya: Yeah. That's the thing that you sometimes do that I actually think is not great.
 
Erica: It's not, it's not. So here's the thing with me and ghosting. I do it because I'm a bitch. And not in a, "She's a bitch." But no, "She's a bitch ass, she ain't got it in her." So, I do that. Second, before I ghost, even if ghosting came out of left field, when you at home later dissecting the situation, you saw that shit coming.
 
Kenrya: So, if they scroll through your conversation, they'll see the hints and the signs?
 
Erica: Yeah. It went from news, to old news, to like, "Uh-huh (affirmative),", to like, "K."
 
Kenrya: You ain't shit.
 
Erica: I know. I'm not, I'm not. I mean, I have... so, Kenrya, give us your, "This is how you exit a situation."
 
Kenrya: Oh, yes. So I'm very good at this, for my sake. Once I decide that shit is not going anywhere at all, I send a very specific text message and it reads, "I don't think we're a fit. It's been lovely speaking with you, but I don't think we're a fit. I wish you well. Take care." I hit send, I hit block, I delete conversation and I move on with my fucking life. And I learned to do that because people... and I'll speak particularly to men, because that's who I date, do not like being told that you are not interested anymore. And on the occasions when I have not hit block immediately after, I have gotten really nasty messages from people, including the person who I blocked because he told me that he was really glad that Bill Cosby didn't get arrested sooner because we would've missed out on so much wonderful Black culture. Yeah.
 
Erica: Sorry, no. Bill Cosby, he don't even like you motherfuckers. I just cannot get past this. Yeah. Yeah. I just cannot get past that. He don't like y'all.
 
Kenrya: Why, boo? And y'all out here caping for a nigga who hates you. What are you doing? qThat was so fucking violent. And so I find that it is much easier to avoid the violence of these hurt-ass men. Even though honestly, it just confirms the fact that I made a great decision, but I feel good in my decision anyway. I don't need confirmation. I have done it. I have blocked you. I am gone. The one time... so my computer and my phone are linked together. And there was this one situation, where it was actually similar. It was about R. Kelly. So, I like to have controversial conversations up front so that I can see what these people are made of. They always tell me. It all always shows up, no matter how good a behavior they're trying to be on. And he said something about dirty laundry or something. I was like, "Oh, it's over." I got off the phone, sent a message. It was a Friday. I didn't touch my computer all weekend. And then when I opened it on Monday, I saw that this nigga had been texting me all night and into Saturday about how I had-
 
Erica: Red flag, red flag, red flag, red flag.
 
Kenrya: How I had fucked up and dismissed him too soon. And I was just as bad as everybody else. And wouldn't give a Black man a chance. Nigga, what? You just told me that it was wrong to prosecute a pedophile and a molester and a serial sexual assaulter, because that was airing dirty laundry. Get the fuck off my computer.
 
Erica: Yeah.
 
Kenrya: And that is what happens if you don't block people properly. Because I didn't open my computer and didn't know that was still coming through. And so, all that to say, my system works. What is it that keeps you from sending a message and blocking, as opposed to fading into the hedge like Homer?
 
Erica: So, here's the problem also. I'll be fucking on the first date, right?
 
Kenrya: So?
 
Erica: So, I kind of feel like I need to keep the window open in case you come back and be like, "Yo, CDC need me to call you." I mean, not that I'm out here just raw dogging it, but... yeah. So, I'm a bitch.
 
Kenrya: What does fucking on the first date have to do with just telling somebody you're not interested when you realize you're not interested? Who cares at what point, if it's after you saw what that dick do or not?
 
Erica: Yeah. I just... I'm a bitch. I am committing to being better about it, okay?
 
Kenrya: What are you afraid of?
 
Erica: For 2022.
 
Kenrya: I'm just interested, what are you afraid of in having those conversations?
 
Erica: Niggas is crazy. I don't need the whole, like, somebody texting me non-stop and just... niggas is crazy.
 
Kenrya: That don't happen if you block them.
 
Erica: I can't block them all the time?
 
Kenrya: Why not?
 
Erica: Because we done fucked. We done exchanged body fluids. So, if you got some new, like-
 
Kenrya: Oh.
 
Erica: ... some new save the date or something and I done need to go get some meds or something.
 
Kenrya: Okay.
 
Erica: Shit.
 
Kenrya: That went right over my fucking head. Okay. I guess.
 
Erica: Yeah.
 
Kenrya: I mean, I guess I would wait a month and then block them. I don't know. I just don't like people having access to me.
 
Erica: I get it. I get it. But I just... yeah.
 
Kenrya: Yeah, but so, at least you [crosstalk 00:33:12]-
 
Erica: I'm going to be better about it. I'm going to be better about it. I mean, I have-
 
Kenrya: I mean, you could also tell them, but it's just tough. Because if you tell them that and you don't block them, it really does open you up to vitriol, because niggas is wildin’ out here.
 
Erica: And that's the thing. I don't like... I have done it a few times and it was actually not that bad. I met this guy, we went on a date and he was like, "I mean, women just be out here... I don't understand this hot girl summer stuff." And I'm like, "Nigga, you just told me how you went to DR with your homeboys. Y'all probably having all types of sex with prostitutes." Nonetheless, I'm not judging, but you know?
 
Kenrya: Which is fine. Yeah.
 
Erica: So, I'm like... So I was like, "You know what?" I mean, we had good conversation. I can talk. Can you tell? So we had good conversation. It just wasn't a fit. And so next day, "Hey, hope all is well. Wish you the best of luck. I don't think we're a fit." And that was it. And it was good. You know what? I think it's when I fuck. When I fuck, I feel like there's more to it.
 
Kenrya: Do you feel some obligation to them?
 
Erica: Yeah. I feel some... no, I feel some obligation to like, "Okay, maybe, you know what? I'm doubting myself. Maybe I should have tried a little harder." You know? And so I don't need them-
 
Kenrya: So you’re leaving the door open?
 
Erica: I mean, you ain't got to put it like that.
 
Kenrya: I'm asking?
 
Erica: I sound like a fuckboy.
 
Kenrya: No.
 
Erica: Yeah, I guess I am. I mean, one time I did try, but I didn't block. And that nigga was like, "You are unfair." And I'm like...
 
Kenrya: Yeah. Not blocking, unfortunately, doesn't work because, look, the way their egos are set up, that fragility is very real.
 
Erica: Yeah. It ain't no good. Ain't no fun. But again, Erica, 2022 Erica. So we're in September, November? Or in October, November?
 
Kenrya: October.
 
Erica: So I got like-
 
Kenrya: It's just before Halloween. Did you see what I did?
 
Erica: Oh, I do. Spooky. But I think this episode airs right after Halloween, so yeah.
 
Kenrya: Oh, okay. Yeah. Hey.
 
Erica: But anyways, so I got two months of being a fuckboy left in me. And actually, not even two months. Because I'm about to be down for all of December. So I got a good four weeks of fuckboyness in me, before it's over.
 
Kenrya: Okay, that sounds... nobody knows what you're talking about and it sounds like-
 
Erica: Oh, no, no, no. I have another surgery and it's kind of... the recovery's very brutal, intense. And so, I'm going to just be in the house for a minute. I'm not going anywhere.
 
Kenrya: Yeah, it sounded really onimous. Onimous? Ominous. Oh my God.
 
Erica: Ominous.
 
Kenrya: I'm like my child. You heard that?
 
Erica: Yeah. "Pass me the snissors."
 
Kenrya: Oh, her and them snissors.
 
Erica: "Can I get the snissors?" I was like, "What are these?" "Snissors."
 
Kenrya: "Snissors."
 
Erica: I was like, "You know what? That's why I fucks with you."
 
Kenrya: Yeah, she still switches her Ms and the Ns and it is the cutest fucking thing.
 
Erica: She still does it?
 
Kenrya: Yeah, not on everything. Like, she can say “animal” now.
 
Erica: Aminal. She used to say aminal. Yeah.
 
Kenrya: Yes. But she still calls it Donimo's, which makes me giggle.
 
Erica: Donimo's.
 
Kenrya: Yeah. Yeah.
 
Erica: Why they fuck y'all playing dominoes at the house?
 
Kenrya: No, about pizza.
 
Erica: Oh, I was going to say, like, "Y'all niggas out here playing bones and shit?" Like, fuck.
 
Kenrya: Oh, it's the cutest little thing.
 
Erica: Yeah. Okay, so another plot point in the story, after they first fucked, Maya ghosted Anais and then came back and was like, "Wait, wait, wait, wait. Just playing, just playing, just playing," right? And Anais took her back.
 
Kenrya: Wait, well you didn't... you missed a part.
 
Erica: What?
 
Kenrya: Oh, you said she ghosted. Girl-
 
Erica: Yeah.
 
Kenrya: I missed a part. I missed a whole two words in there.
 
Erica: Which were very important, I'm assuming, it sounds like.
 
Kenrya: Very important words.
 
Erica: Yeah. So Maya ghosted Anais and Anais took her back. And it worked out, because it's a good story. Oh, this was a short... We didn't say this. This was a short. I think I read it in one night. So, if you need a good short story. But Anais I took her back. Not me, nigga.
 
Kenrya: Nigga. Could never be me.
 
Erica: Not me.
 
Kenrya: No.
 
Erica: I mean, maybe because I'm ghosting niggas, I probably am ghosting somebody good, and I don't know. I just... here's with me. I want y’all into me. I want you to be like, "God dammit, I love her dirty drawers." Because I'm going to be like that to you. I don't want no lukewarm, no wishy-washy, none of that shit. I'm too fucking old for that. I just feel like I ain't got time for it, for this, "Will they? Won't they?" I'm done. I'm not good with that. I'm over it.
 
Kenrya: Yeah, and everybody deserves better. Everybody deserves somebody who, if you want it, who is into you 100% fully, if you going to reciprocate. If that's what you want and they want. I don't want nobody that's half in.
 
Erica: Yeah, which also takes me back to my ghosting. You should want... I guess I assume that everyone's like me and they're like... not that I need somebody all over me. But if you're not giving me the full court press, especially early on, I don't want it. And so, if I'm not giving you the full court -press early on, then-
 
Kenrya: They should be able to pick up on that and be like, "Fuck it." Yeah.
 
Erica: Yeah. However, I did see something recently that was like, "How do you expect someone you've never met to bear the emotional labor of somebody that you've known forever."
 
Kenrya: Mmm.
 
Erica: So I might be revising my ideas about that. Not that I expect it, but I need you to be in the corner like, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Look what I got? Rabbit out of bag, hat on a cat, let's eat sandwiches or Domino's." Donmino's.
 
Kenrya: Donimo's.
 
Erica: Donimo's. Yeah.
 
Kenrya: Yeah.
 
Erica: Yeah. So, yeah. If you ghost me, that means that at some point there was a heart palpitation and, bitch, I don't need you to palpitate no more on me. You unsure? All right, bye. Don't come back.
 
Kenrya: Yeah.
 
Kenrya: Yeah. I mean, I'm trying to remember. So, you know I've been ghosted once and how we handled it. Did we talk about how we? I can't even fucking remember.
 
Erica: Tell the story, tell the story, tell the story.
 
Kenrya: Yeah. So, it was a nigga who I was seeing, who I met on the app, and we went out every week for like, two months. And then I talked to him one day, we were texting and he was across the country and he was supposed to be flying back that day. And then I wasn't expecting to hear from him that day because he had a late flight. But then the next day I didn't hear from him. And we had been either talking... usually talking and texting every day, but nothing. He just kind of disappeared. So I'm like, "Oh, maybe something happened. He had a flight." My dumb ass. I'm texting him and calling him and he's not answering. So I spent like a whole day being like, "Hmm, I wonder..." Well, no, I got out to the end of the day and realized that he didn't appear. And then I spent the whole next day being worried about this nigga, because I still hadn't heard from him and he didn't answer when I called. Shit would just ring and go through the voicemail, whatever. So I called Erica and was like, "I think this nigga ghosted me." She was like, "Let's find out."
 
Erica: Like a bird inspector gadget.
 
Kenrya: Exactly.
 
Erica: Inspector gadget. Yeah. Mm-hmm (affirmative).
 
Kenrya: So we got on three-way using a Google voice number that he didn't know.
 
Erica: It was like, "Girl."
 
Kenrya: So we called and he picked up on the second motherfucking ring or something. He picked up, is the point. And Erica was like, "Oh, I got the wrong number," or some shit and we hung up. And so then it was clear that he had ghosted me and he was alive and everything was fine. And that was that. So, I unfollowed him on all of the things. I'm not an, "I need closure," person. I am a, "Oh, you showed me that this is who you are. Great." And then I don't... I unfollowed him, but I didn't block him. I had just unfollowed him. And did I tell you that a few months ago he started following me again? Yeah, so then I blocked him on everything.
 
Erica: Yeah. It's like, "No, you don't get that kind of access."
 
Kenrya: You do not. You do not. Once you have done that, that is the end. So all that to say, I would never take back somebody who fucking ghosted me. I'm good. Which you know, is making me think, because Insecure just came on and it's making me think of Nanceford... what's his actual name? Little light-skinned dude with the patchy beard. The cutie-pie.
 
Erica: Oh, yeah, yeah. Uh-huh (affirmative).
 
Kenrya: And she thought that he ghosted her, but he was dealing with his mental health and... oh, Molly.
 
Erica: Did you see that... I mean not did you... Did I ever tell you that story about me and our homegirl? I'm going to tell the story, you're going to know exactly who I'm talking about once the story is told.
 
Kenrya: Okay. Yes. Let's get into this.
 
Erica: So, me and my homegirl. We out of the club, We meet these niggas. These niggas, they homeboys. We homegirls. We like, "Fuck it." We going to do it like in the eighth grade. We going to Kings Dominion together, also known as Miami.
 
Kenrya: Oh, okay. Got it.
 
Erica: So, she talk... you know who I'm talking about, right?
 
Kenrya: Yes.
 
Erica: So we make plans. We get hotel rooms. She got us the hook up on the hotel rooms. Now you really know who we talking about.
 
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
 
Erica: Got our flights. And this nigga just stopped calling her. This nigga ghosted her, literally days before the trip. So, dude I'm with was like, "Fuck it." Nigga's trying to go to Miami with a cute, light-skinned, big booty girl. He called one of his homeboys. "Hey, I got a friend who got a friend who trying to go to Miami. What's good? Let's go." We went. Went, had a grand old time in Miami. Me and dude go on to have a long relationship. Two, three years into our relationship, this nigga called me and he said, "Do you remember so and so?" And I'm like, "Who the fuck is that?" "So and so done supposed to go with us to Miami." "Okay." "He got locked up. He just got out of jail."
 
Kenrya: Holy shit.
 
Erica: Because it's kind of like, if you get locked up-
 
Kenrya: What you going to do? That ain't his phone call.
 
Erica: We're new. It's not like-
 
Kenrya: Yeah. I don't have you on number memorized. And also you not the one I'm going to call.
 
Erica: Yeah. Yeah, it's like, I got bigger issues. This nigga did two years, like. So also, this reminds me of the guy that I was dating. I was dating this guy and we were... We'd been dealing with each other for a minute, but it was a very like... our relationship was in a bubble. He lived out of town. I lived here. So, it was one of those, like, he'd fly me out, we see each other, but it wasn't like we were meeting families or anything like that.
 
Erica: So I hit a point where I was like, "Yo, I'm feeling like these feelings aren't being reciprocated. I'm out. Deuces." I did it on like, a Thursday. And usually I'm a bird. So usually he would come around in a few days and be like, "Oh, shit." You know? But I'm like, "This motherfucker ain't called and checked? This motherfucker don't give a shit about me." So girl, I sent that nigga a text and his sister responds like, "Hey, this is so and so's sister. He's been in the hospital since Saturday. He was super sick." And I was like, "Oh, shit." And then she says, "Wow, you guys have very interesting text messages."
 
Kenrya: Yeah. I remember when that happened in real time. And I was just like, "Oh, God."
 
Erica: Because we was just like.. yeah, one of my kinks is recording myself and pictures and photos. Pictures and photos like they're two different things. I feel like a photo is like a...the time where you [inaudible 00:46:49]. But anyway-
 
Kenrya: Didn't you meet him in Miami?
 
Erica: Bitch, you giving all my business out. So I don't like that. I don't like that.
 
Kenrya: I was just thinking that was on that trip.
 
Erica: Yeah. It was a different trip, but yeah.
 
Kenrya: A different trip.
 
Erica: Different trip, but yeah. So, I was just like... and so there were lots of... lots of smut in his phone, in our text messages back and forth.
 
Kenrya: I mean, who told her to go all the way back?
 
Erica: It wasn't even... it wasn't all the way back.
 
Kenrya: She didn't even have to scroll far?
 
Erica: Yeah, mm-mm (negative). You did not have to scroll far. I mean, but hey, shouldn't have been in his shit, and it was actually a pretty nice body. Those were some good pictures, so.
 
Kenrya: Hey.
 
Erica: Not my motherfucking problem. Okay.
 
Kenrya: And he's okay now, y'all.
 
Erica: Yeah, he fine. That motherfucker crazy. Okay, so. I did not mean that. That was... yeah. Okay, anyway. So, anyway. So Anais was not sure if Maya was interested in her when they were at work, one, because she was like, "Is she even straight?" But also, Maya flirted with everybody. Everybody.
 
Kenrya: Who else do we know who flirts with everybody?
 
Erica: I think it's just a dilemma.
 
Erica: Is this a pick on Erica episode?
 
Kenrya: Listen, you the one that come up with the topics.
 
Erica: Am I the problem? Am I the problem? Am I a problem?
 
Kenrya: No, no.
 
Erica: Yeah.
 
Kenrya: You're not. There's nothing wrong with flirting.
 
Erica: I flirt with everybody, but the in my offense... Offense. In my defense, it's not necessarily flirting as more as it is sprinkling joy in everyone's day, right? If I tell you-
 
Kenrya: Is it?
 
Erica: Goddamn. Wait. I was in urgent care with a strep throat... with a strep throat... With strep throat. Just one of my throats was strep. I was in urgent care with a strep throat. And I'm in that bitch, just feeling horrible. And the doctor come in, the doctor was a little cutie pie. And so I was like, "Doctor, can I get a warm blanket?" And he was like, "Yeah, it's a little chilly in here." I said, "Well, not to you because you out here with your arms out and stuff." I said, "Your mama know you out here like that? Looking like that in front of women?"
 
Kenrya: Oh my God.
 
Erica: I had this man so fucking flustered. He was like... because I'm allergic to some class of antibiotics. He was like, "Let me go. I got to go out. I got to think. And I can't think right here." I mean, it's more just playful. I saw this thing on-
 
Kenrya: Yes. It's equal opportunity. Because if his mama had been in there, you would've flirted with her too.
 
Erica: Would have flirted with his mama. Like, "Why you out here putting out fine little babies? You fine too."
 
Kenrya: Exactly.
 
Erica: Yeah. I'm equal opportunity. I look at it more as just a... you know, it's fine. It ain't going nowhere, right? Right?
 
Kenrya: Mm-hmm. Until they think it's going somewhere, right? And then, it is. How do you handle it, as so like... I am not a person who flirts. I don't do that. How do you handle it when you flirted and now somebody is in your fucking space, expecting that flirt to turn into something?
 
Kenrya: Right. Until they think it's going somewhere right. Until they think…
 
Erica: It's going somewhere. Well, if they, depending on if I'm, I mean, if I'm like not paying attention, I'm like, oh wait, ah, then we might turn into the, “Oh, let me see what that mouth do now.” I know. I don't know. I got to go. So it could go there. You know what I just hide. Or I just be like, "Oh no, baby, what is you doing" But I flirt with everybody. So even if you see me flirting with you, I'm flirting with your homeboy, I'm flirting with the lady that brought us the food, I'm flirting with the little dude that was bringing us the bread. Because I want to make sure we got the good bread and our butter's warm. Flirting is what... It is like I speak English, Midwest tongue, and flirt. It's so horrible.
 
Kenrya: Yeah. I don't think it's horrible.
 
Erica: But I mean, I like it.
 
Kenrya: Do you, on the flip side, since you speak flirt, can you always point out when people are flirting?
 
Erica: Fuck no. Fuck no. Because to me, I speak flirt, but it's like another form of English. So I don't even know if sometimes, unless you're like, "Here my dick on the table," sometimes I don't even know you flirting. I'm just like, "Oh shit, I just thought the motherfucker was being nice," you know? So, yeah. Because again, to me, it's very possible to flirt and not be interested in somebody. So, if you're flirting with me, I need a real letter saying, "I am interested in you." Then we'll make it work.
 
Kenrya: "Are you interested in me? Check yes or check no."
 
Erica: Exactly. Exactly.
 
Kenrya: Yeah. Yeah.
 
Erica: Okay.
 
Kenrya: I'm not good at it either. I don't think. But also, you know how I value directness? So my thing is, even if you are flirting with me, I will act like you're not until you get your shit together to actually directly-
 
Erica: Same.
 
Kenrya: ... say what it is that you want. 100%, I will look you dead in your face and act like you didn't say whatever the fuck you said.
 
Erica: Yeah. And that's kind of how I feel. Like I need you to... I don't do... I don't do italics.
 
Kenrya: I don't do dropping hints.
 
Erica: I don't do subs, though. I need some.
 
Kenrya: Yeah.
 
Erica: I need it to be very-
 
Kenrya: Well and I guess to me, it speaks to the way you handle things and, again, directness is everything for me. So if you can't get your shit together to just tell me what it is that you want, then you not really going to be able to handle me, because I'm always going to be direct and that's going to feel threatening to you if you can't also do it.
 
Erica: Mm-hmm.
 
Kenrya: Yeah.
 
Erica: Just [crosstalk 00:53:41].
 
Kenrya: And it's just not attractive. Wishy-washy-ness is not attractive to me. I enjoy people who come across in a strong way, because I do. So.
 
Erica: Be very clear in the fact that you trying to fuck with a playa.
 
Kenrya: Yeah. It needs to not be an ambiguity, so. Yeah.
 
Erica: All right, so story's going along and Anais and Maya, they just being in love. And then, Anais's ex pops up. And then some shit happens, we ain't going to give spoilers, and she doesn't tell Maya what went down.
 
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative). The fuck? Like…yeah, it was very much this lie of omission, which people, forever, it is a lie.
 
Erica: It is a lie. Tell the whole fucking truth.
 
Kenrya: Yeah. Yeah.
 
Erica: Yeah.
 
Kenrya: It was just like... when she did it, I was just like, "So you thought you was going to carry this forever?"
 
Erica: Yeah. Like how did you see that playing out?
 
Kenrya: Right? She didn't... yeah, there was no real... I don't know. But that's actually making me think of that there's this pattern with Anais, right? She's thinking about the immediate next thing and not the things after that, right?
 
Erica: Ooh.
 
Kenrya: Like with Maya, she was thinking about fucking, but she wasn't thinking about if there was going to be... right?
 
Erica: Yeah.
 
Kenrya: She seems to have real issues with thinking beyond that moment.
 
Erica: Six steps down the line, what does this look like?
 
Kenrya: Yeah.
 
Erica: Oh, yeah.
 
Kenrya: She didn't do that very well.
 
Erica: Look at you, being a... I was going to say a prophet. A therapist.
 
Kenrya: About to say, being a bitch that's been in therapy a long time.
 
Erica: Right? Because a bitch know. Yeah, so that is super... okay.
 
Kenrya: Yeah.
 
Erica: She is definitely for the right now. Have you had exes, relationships where there's been... this shit would... I mean, because this, I don't think what went down would've been cool at all, but I feel like sometimes shit happens and it's like, this is some shit we would've had to deal with, but now you done made it worse, because you ain't say about it. You had any situations?
 
Kenrya: No. You know, when I'm done with people, I'm done-done.
 
Erica: Okay. Okay. Yeah. You are. You are.
 
Kenrya: Yeah, I... mm-mm (negative). And sometimes it makes me wonder, you know there are people who are like, "Oh, I'm still friends, friends with all my exes." I'm not friends with any of my exes and it's not like, "Oh, I hate that nigga."
 
Erica: Yeah, we ain't going to spit on each other on the street. But it's just like-
 
Kenrya: I just-
 
Erica: ... Ain't no point us being... the only ex that's still in my life is my ex-husband because we share a child.
 
Kenrya: Yeah. I mean, same, even though “in my life” is a strong... I wouldn't use that phrase, but.
 
Erica: Wait, let me think.
 
Kenrya: The only ex who I have to have any type of interaction with is my ex-husband and that's because we share a child, but the rest of them, I mean, cats pop up on Facebook from time to time and it's cordial, but I don't have no numbers in my phone. I don't plan to see nobody when I'm in town.
 
Erica: Yeah, no, no, no.
 
Kenrya: I don't call nobody's mamas. I don't do none of that.
 
Erica: Yeah. Significant relationships, no. There are some guys that I once fucked, that we have transitioned to friendship.
 
Kenrya: That's different.
 
Erica: But even that's kind of getting kind of weird. I got to tell you some shit offline. I mean, it's whatever. Well, no, because one person, I actually truly value as a friend, but anyway, so yeah, I don't think I have any exes that are still around.
 
Kenrya: And nobody in between doing no fuck shit like this fool.
 
Erica: Also because I don't need this. Yeah, fuck that. Shit, I got friends.
 
Kenrya: Nigga, no. Listen. I value my romantic relationships-
 
Erica: Wait, hey, I mean, don't give away the spoiler.
 
Kenrya: I wasn't.
 
Erica: Oh, okay. Just checking. Sorry. Okay.
 
Kenrya: No, I was just going to say I value my relationship with my partner so much, there's no fucking way.
 
Erica: You ain't going to let some shit that could threaten that get in the way.
 
Kenrya: Yeah. Especially because ultimately, what Anais did, was put the feelings of her ex over the feelings of her partner, right?
 
Erica: Yep.
 
Kenrya: Rather than say no to some shit, she said yes to some shit, that she knew was going to hurt her partner, and why? It brings us back to the beginning. Because she kept it from her, which means that she knew it was fucked up.
 
Erica: Look at you, reading niggas.
 
Kenrya: I would never. I would fucking never. It would be the stupidest... no, no.
 
Erica: Okay, last point. Maya and Anais, they go through their thing, and just like in a good Black song, they're holding one another in their arms, singing. And Maya looks up to Anais says, "I never been in a relationship. I don't know how to do this. I'm not sure you want to be with me, because I don't know how to do this."
 
Kenrya: Yeah. Would you be with someone who had never been in a relationship?
 
Erica: Not at this big age.
 
Kenrya: Yeah.
 
Erica: Not at 40, no. I mean, and here's the thing, I used to be as cut and dry as saying if a nigga ain't never been married and have kids, I ain't fucking with him.
 
Kenrya: Oh, wow.
 
Erica: But nigga could just be smart, right?
 
Kenrya: Yeah, smarter than me.
 
Erica: Like, he could have just been aware and realize, yeah, been aware and realized, "This shit ain't for me. It's time for me to go." But no relationships? It's kind of like no job histories. Like, "Nigga, you can fudge nothing? You ain't got an internship you could turn into shit? Damn, you couldn't say... you can't turn volunteering at your mama's hospital Christmas center into something? Dude." So, yeah. It's hard for me to-
 
Kenrya: Hospital Christmas center.
 
Erica: Right. But just like, "Yo."
 
Kenrya: That sound fun.
 
Erica: It do. It do. But it's like, "Yo, you can't find nobody to... it's just, ugh, something about it don't sit right.
 
Kenrya: Yeah, I'm not-
 
Erica: Because it's like, you always fucking around on somebody or? Mm-mm (negative).
 
Kenrya: Yeah. It's tough, right? We all come with different experiences and different backgrounds. But yeah, we 40. And I'm just-
 
Erica: Because I don't want to be your test dummy. I don't want to be your fucking crash test dummy-
 
Kenrya: Exactly. Because I'm like, there's so many things that I have learned about myself through the course of being in relationships. And what I will accept, what I won't, how to set boundaries, how to respect boundaries, how to be just a good fucking partner. And yeah, I don't want to be the one that you learn on, because chances are, we won't survive that. Because I don't take a lot of shit no more.
 
Erica: Yeah. Or you got to have a fast ass learning curve. Your ass has got to be on some... but even if you're that emotionally intelligent, I feel like you probably would have been in-
 
Kenrya: Would have been-
 
Erica: In some sort of relationship.
 
Kenrya: Yeah. I'm trying to understand the situation in which... well, maybe if somebody has kind of shifted-
 
Erica: Just got out the-
 
Kenrya: ... along the queerness spectrum.
 
Erica: Oh, yeah.
 
Kenrya: You know? Maybe they weren't in relationships because they weren't able to really fully be who they were or who they wanted to be with. And then they came into their own in that way. You know how we always talk about that second adolescence? And then they were able to start? Maybe I could... That makes sense to me. Would I want to be the person that they are figuring it out on? Probably not. I'll be honest. So, it doesn't mean that I'm necessarily condemning your situation, but it also means that I get to choose to not want to be a part of that.
 
Erica: Yeah. Yeah.
 
Kenrya: You know? I'm not interested in being in... like you said, I don't want nobody testing no shit out on me.
 
Erica: At all.
 
Kenrya: Come holla at me after you got a little bit under your belt.
 
Erica: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah. Get some stripes on that pussy before you come over here.
 
Kenrya: Yeah. Oh, is that bad?
 
Erica: I mean-
 
Kenrya: It's true. That's how I feel.
 
Erica: Yeah. I mean, it's not a hard and fast for me, but it's a 98% of the time for me, you know?
 
Kenrya: Yeah.
 
Erica: And also at 40. Yeah.
 
Kenrya: Right.
 
Erica: Very rarely.
 
Kenrya: This wouldn't be me in my 20s, right?
 
Erica: Yeah. I mean, yeah. I think I'd have a different attitude.
 
Kenrya: We all [crosstalk 01:03:29]. Yeah.
 
Erica: Yeah, because I mean, by the end you're... I mean... yeah, yeah.
 
Kenrya: Yeah.
 
Erica: Also, interestingly enough, I don't think I want to date anyone that's been in one long term relationship, consistently. Like-
 
Kenrya: You don't want to be the rebound?
 
Erica: Not even a rebound. I mean, so say you were... we're 40. I keep saying this. So, say you married somebody in college and y'all was together for 10, 15 years. Y'all in that marriage. Y'all come out. You got years of doing your hoe shit. I'm not sure if I want to be your next forever. Just because I feel like that I want to be confident that you done sampled all the delights and you're sure. I mean, not sample, but that you're sure that, "This is what I want." I don't want you laying in bed at night, thinking, "Ooh, I should have, I was thinking..." that part is difficult for me. So.
 
Kenrya: Yeah. I mean, I just want them to be... I would want there to be some in betweens in between. I'm not trying to be with somebody who's fresh out nobody's divorce, no matter how long it was, just because, man, even if it's a congratulations situation, you still need time to process and figure out what it is that you want, so that you're not running away from a situation, but running to a situation. I don't want to be something that you're coming to because you're running away.
 
Erica: Yeah. That was one of my hard and fast rules. If you're coming out of... if you're newly divorced, I want none of it, because I know how I was newly divorced. And even if I thought I knew what I wanted. No, I don't.
 
Kenrya: Yeah, no. It took me a couple of years to really hone in on what it was that I actually wanted and to not have it just be reactionary to what I had come out of.
 
Erica: What you.. yeah. Yep. And I dated this guy and we matched and he was a really good a guy and I really liked him and he was like, "Look, I'm at a point where I'm not sure if..." no, he was at a point where he was like, "I am..." I mean, it could have just been a bullshit excuse, because he was just trying to fuck, which I mean we could... no, I didn't want that with him. But anyway, it was just kind of like, "I'm still unsure. I'm still unsure or hesitant to jump into a relationship." I mean he had been divorced for a minute, but I'm like, "Okay, that's good. Now I'm out." And you know what? I think he would've been comfortable still having sex, but I was like, "Eh, I can't give you that kind of access."
 
Kenrya: Yeah. I was really proud of you when you made that decision.
 
Erica: Thanks, boo.
 
Kenrya: Yeah.
 
Erica: But yeah, it was one of those things where it was like, "Eh, I can get a good dick from wherever. And I'm sure not getting good dick from somebody that..." Because, for me, it's hard to do that switch. If I go into this on some like, "We just fucking," great, I'm going to keep you in the we just fucking box. It's hard for me to take you out of the, "This is possibly a long-term relationship and put it in a we just fucking box, unfortunately. But it just is what it is, you know? Because yeah, I already processed things and thought things through. Now, I think it's easier for you to come out of the we just fucking, into the we're having a long-term relationship, but it's hard to go the other way.
 
Kenrya: Yeah, I think... yeah, I'm with you there, because yeah, because it could be like Anais, where once she fucked Maya, she actually then began to pay attention to who she was as a person and realized that she might be a good person for her to be in a relationship with. And I mean, fuck. As y'all know, I told my partner on the second date, I mean, I knew on the first date as I was sitting-
 
Erica: Y'all was going to fuck.
 
Kenrya: ... I was like, "Oh, I'm going to fuck this dude." And then I told him on our second date, "I want to fuck you." And so I did that. It then it was the beginning of something beautiful, but I didn't know on the first date that it was going to turn into anything. I just knew what I wanted to do.
 
Erica: Because I think that, for me, now that I think about it, going from we just fucking... like if you're in the we just fucking box, you only get a certain piece of... you only get a slice of Erica. When we're going into the we're something serious, you get more of me. You get a bigger piece of the pie. It is hard for me to let you have all this pie and then go back to a slice. It's easy for me to give you more pie than take it away. Because now you got-
 
Kenrya: You know too much.
 
Erica: Exactly. You've seen behind the curtain.
 
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative). You can't un-ring that shit. So it's, yeah-
 
Erica: Can't put that toothpaste back in the tube.
 
Kenrya: Back in the tube. Yeah.
 
Erica: Yeah.
 
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
 
Erica: All right, Kenrya, Killa, Kenrya... Kenrya? Ugh. All right, Killa. I think it's time for our next segment. Are you ready?
 
Kenrya: I am ready. That means it's time-
 
Erica: What's the next segment?
 
Kenrya: What's turning us on.
 
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Erica: Hey, y'all. So welcome to back to our episode, our segment...
 
Kenrya: What's turning us on.
 
Erica: Thank you. So, what's turning us on today, Killa?
 
Kenrya: New mech
 
Erica: New merch, merch, merch.
 
Kenrya: We got new merch in. We got some new hot shit in the-
 
Erica: Hot shit.
 
Kenrya: ... in the merch situation. I don't even know what it's called.
 
Erica: In the vaults?
 
Kenrya: On the merch page. It's more shit y'all can buy.
 
Erica: Pretty much.
 
Kenrya: We realized that there are some things that we should have been turned into merch. Like, why have we not had anything that says, "Come here, get off," this entire fucking time, when it's literally our tagline? I'm looking at it on my screen.
 
Erica: Exactly. Yeah.
 
Kenrya: Fucking wildin’. So, now that exists.
 
Erica: Yay.
 
Kenrya: Mm-hmm.
 
Erica: Yeah, maybe some refreshed designs. Y'all can come and.. because also, I've been wearing stuff now and there's some things that I'm like, "Maybe we could do this. Maybe we could do that." So, you know. It'll be a few changes, y'all. I'm excited.
 
Kenrya: Yes. Some new shit. And also, for any of you who've been on the fence and maybe worried about what it might feel like... so, I am a huge sensory person. I've got shit that I have bought to support people, but that I never wear, because it don't feel good. It's-
 
Erica: Scratchy. Mm-hmm (affirmative).
 
Kenrya: It's like cheap quality... yeah. Our shit's not cheap quality. Everything is incredibly soft.
 
Erica: It feels good against the skin.
 
Kenrya: It does. Mm-hmm (affirmative). Because I, otherwise, would never wear it.
 
Erica: I love it.
 
Kenrya: So, yeah. That's why I be in my sweatshirt, my hoodie all the fucking time. Because it's the softest thing I own. You won't be spending your money on no bullshit, trust us to make you feel good.
 
Erica: Yeah, I just cut up my, "Wine, weed, whatever you need" sweatshirt. It's actually really good. I mean, I didn't-
 
Kenrya: You gave yourself some off the shoulder action or some shit?
 
Erica: Yeah. It's not like an auntie cut, you know the auntie cut is like a slit up the side and all the shangle dangles. It's not that, but still.
 
Kenrya: You didn't tie little knots in it?
 
Erica: I did not tie knots.
 
Kenrya: Okay.
 
Erica: I'm sorry. I did not. Yes, yeah. I did not tie knots. My aunt got... when I went home to St. Louis for 4th of July, my family had a congratulations, you didn't die party for me. And my aunt got these shirts made and someone was like, "I'm going to have cousin so and so cut mine up. You want yours cut up?" And I was like, "No." I mean, being an auntie is fun until you're around real aunties, you be like, "God damn, y'all some aunties like a motherfucker." So.
 
Kenrya: That's when you realize that being an auntie is an iterative process, like-
 
Erica: Yes. Yes. It's like-
 
Kenrya: We at like level one auntie.
 
Erica: Yeah, yeah. We haven't ascended to... Although again, this weekend I was with my homegirl and I learned that she shares a love for auntie music. So we were driving, trying to get pumped up, listening to like fucking Luther, like, "Yeah." And Anita. So. Yeah.
 
Kenrya: Okay. Well, I was about to say, I have not reached that level, but if you put on some motherfucking Anita, I'm there.
 
Erica: Oh yeah. No one in the world is my, like, gets a bitch-
 
Kenrya: Even since I was a kid though, singing that song with my eyes closed like I knew the fuck she was talking about.
 
Erica: Yes.
 
Kenrya: Couldn't tell me I didn't. Yeah. Yeah.
 
Erica: And I realized auntie music takes me back to sitting in the backseat of my mama's car. I can feel the upholstery was like a fake velvet something. And she had a Seville. Sitting in the back of that fucking Seville. She chain-smoking, hot-boxing. And we just listening to fucking-
 
Kenrya: Because ’80s.
 
Erica: Yeah, it was so specific. So, yeah. Okay. Buy some merch, y'all.
 
Kenrya: Yes.
 
Erica: Merch is what's turning us on. And that's all we got, right?
 
Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative). That's the end of the first episode of season five.
 
Erica: So, yes. We back, bitches. So-
 
Kenrya: Like we never left.
 
Erica: ... this is Erica and Kenrya. Your two favorite hoe-hosts, making in clap.
 
Kenrya: Really?
 
Erica: I'm sorry. Bye, y'all.
 
Kenrya: Bye, y'all. That was so many claps.
 
[theme music]
 
Kenrya: This episode was produced by us, Kenrya and Erica, and edited by B'Lystic. The theme music is from Brazy. Hit subscribe right now in your favorite podcast app and at YouTube.com/TheTurnOnPodcast, so you'll never miss an episode.
 
Erica: Then follow us on Twitter @TheTurnOnPod and Instagram @TheTurnOnPodcast. And you can find links to books, transcripts, guest info, what's turning us on, and other fun stuff at TheTurnOnPodcast.com.
 
Kenrya: And don't forget to email us at TheTurnOnPodcast@gmail.com with your book recommendations and your pressing sex-and related questions.
 
Erica: And you can support the show by leaving us a five-star review, buying some merch or becoming a patron of the show. Just head to TheTurnOnPodcast.com to make that happen.
 
Kenrya: Thanks for listening and we'll see you soon. Holla.