The Turn On

Season 5 | Episode 8 | Come Over

4/27/2022

Book, "Looking" by Katrina Jackson | Patreon
Author, Katrina Jackson | Website | Twitter | Instagram
What's Turning Us On | Kama Sutra | Bookshop | Amazon

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TRANSCRIPT
Kenrya: Come here. Get off.

[theme music]

Erica: So... Hey, y'all. Welcome to this week's episode of The Turn On. This is your host, Erica. Your hoe host...

Kenrya: Kenrya. Hey y'all.

Erica: Killa. And today we are reading... Okay, so today we're reading this book. It's called “Looking” and it is by Katrina Jackson, who is just... Just when I finished this book, I was like, "This is a Katrina Jackson stan account." So, she slid in our DMs one day, because we did her book Look... Not, shit, “Looking.” We did her book “Welcome to Seaport”-

Kenrya: Yes, and that was awesome.

Erica: ... a while back. Which was awesome and filthy. And she was like, “I would love to hear Kenrya read…” And we was like, "Say less fam."

Kenrya: Literally.

Erica: And I'm glad we did, because we are about to get into an amazing book. So sit back, relax, get your wine, your weed, and whatever you need. And enjoy.

Kenrya: “Looking” by Katrina Jackson. The hero of the film betrays someone or something. I don't know. Everyone looks the same and I don't really hear what's happening. I'm just about to tell them that when Darren lifts the armrest between us and leans into my side. He doesn't need to say anything. I know what his soft breath on my jaw means. His hand nudging my outer thigh, his smile against my earlobe. I scoot closer, turning toward Jordan. The screen casts her profile in shadow, and maybe it's my growing infatuation with her or the fact that we're here at her request or because my pussy is already clenching knowing what's coming, but I think her beauty is unmatched in that moment.

Kenrya: Darren drapes his body casually around my back. He sometimes holds me like this in bed. Falling asleep like this is a top tier perk of spending more than a decade with someone who loves all kinds of physical intimacy, but I'm anything but tired. The frustrated desire this movie had almost killed stretches its limbs.

Kenrya: It might be my imagination because this movie is loud as fuck, but I swear I can hear Darren's belt buckle and zipper come undone. The back of his hand brushing against my ass as he fishes his dick from his boxers isn't imaginary. I pull my dress up in the back, ready for him. So fucking ready for him. I lift my left leg and whimper when the spongy head of his dick brushes my pussy from the back. He slides between my thighs, grunts into my ear because I'm wet. Bad movie and all, I'm still wet. Darren rubs the length of his shaft between my lips, lubricating himself and bumping up against my clit until I'm wetter than before and we're both breathing heavily. Something explodes on screen just as he pushes inside of me and I cry out gratefully.

Kenrya: I open my eyes quickly and look down at the theater, trying to see if anyone heard me or turned our way, but so far as I can tell, we're still in the clear. But then I look at Jordan and see her watching us. She's holding her bag of popcorn in her lap and pops a few kernels into her mouth and chews, the curve of a smile on her face. Darren starts to move inside of me. I love this angle on the best of days, but this experience makes an old favorite feel brand new. It's the sound of the movie, knowing that we can't get too wild or loud or else we'll draw someone's unwanted attention, or that we're one trip to the bathroom or turned head away from being discovered. All of it drives me to a shuddering orgasm with only a few deep strokes.

Kenrya: I reach back to cup Darren's head and he stills inside of me while I pulse around him with my eyes shut. "Okay?" he whispers. "I just need a second," I breathe. We both feel Jordan move. When I open my eye, she's lifted the armrest between us and she's scooting closer. I hold my breath, but Darren is panting against my ear. He leans toward me and presses a gentle kiss against my lip. It's lovely and full of emotion, at least on my end. Thank God her mouth is there to muffle my scream when I feel her fingers against my clit and all hell breaks mildly loose.

Kenrya: We're just careful enough after that not to draw attention, but to be honest I don't think any of us gives a shit about getting caught since we don't stop fucking and touching and kissing and licking one another. Darren's fucking me faster, harder. Jordan's fingers are slippery from my first release. Sometimes she replaces her fingers on my lips with the heel of her palm on my clit. When she does that, Darren lets out a wheezy grunt as her fingers brush the base of his shaft.

Kenrya: I feel Darren's free hand snake around my body. I don't know what he's up to until Jordan laughs against my lips and breaks our kiss. He replaces her mouth with her bare breast that Darren has pulled free. There's no careful preparation, no time to consider what I think about this first time I felt another woman's nipple against my lips as an adult. There's no time for me to overthink this moment. There's only time to explore the rich contours of her nipple with my tongue, to feel her areola against my lip, and to experience the way she shudders when I suck the hard nub into my mouth for definitely not the last time. Jordan sighs and then Darren grunts. I can hear them kissing, but can't quite find the right angle in the dark theater to see it.

Kenrya: If I have any complaints, that's the only one. I want to see and feel and hear everything but I can't. "Next time," I promise myself. And then I clench around Darren's shaft, coming again, using Jordan's breasts to muffle the sound of my scream. Darren groans against her lips and I feel her wet hand grip the base of his shaft as he releases deep inside me. When he's finished, Jordan's hand smooths over my pussy. I jump and tighten around Darren as she grazes my clit. He groans tiredly, a little louder than necessary. We all turn toward the theater to check that we haven't been spotted. When I look back at Jordan, she's slipping her wet fingers into her mouth. "God," I groan. "Told you," Darren whispers, easing his dick out of me. We get ourselves together, kind of. I wish I brought a pair of underwear for the aftermath.

Kenrya: It's a very strange feeling to worry if my husband's cum will seep out of me and run down my leg as soon as I stand up. "Well, that was fun," Jordan says. "This movie is bad, so I'm going to dip. I'll call you two tomorrow?" I nod slowly. "Text us when you get home," Darren says. Thank the Lord for his ability to be ever responsible. Jordan leans over and kisses him briefly on the lips. Of course. And then she kisses me. "Was it good?" I laugh. "Amazing." And she kisses me again. And then she's bouncing up from her seat. The bag of popcorn, a drink I'd honestly forgotten she had in one hand and her purse and the other, throwing it over her shoulder. We watch her with heaving chests. "She stole your Red Vines," Darren says when she's gone. "She earned them," I say. We both laugh. "Shh," someone calls across the theater. We laugh harder.

Erica: Okay y'all, we're back. So, this book was... I read it... Oh, let's get... I'm about to jump in. Okay, let's give the synopsis.

Kenrya: Oh, right.

Erica: So there's this couple, Darren and Nadia. They are just the cutest fucking couple. They were married. One of their good married friends hit them with the, "Hey, y'all, we divorcing." And it caused them to reexamine their marriage and they decided, "Look, we're good, but we should go to therapy." They go to therapy and in therapy they realize, "We're bored. Let's spice things up a bit. Let's get a girlfriend." So this story is about them-

Kenrya: Looking.

Erica: ... and their process of finding. What'd you say?

Kenrya: Looking for a girlfriend.

Erica: Yeah, looking for a girlfriend.

Kenrya: Yeah.

Erica: Bitch.

Kenrya: It's so good.

Erica: It was well written. So it took Kenrya, what? Two days to read this book?

Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative). I don't even think it was a full two days. I started before bed and finished the next afternoon or something stupid.

Erica: It took me a little longer primarily because I was the master debater of this book.

Kenrya: Yeah, if I'd had energy.

Erica: It was every fucking scene. I was like, "Well, about to go blind again."

Kenrya: Time to go. Yep.

Erica: Palm's about to get hairy. Because it was... I was rubbing one out every fucking scene. Katrina, you are-

Kenrya: A fucking master.

Erica: Fucking disgusting and delightful.

Kenrya: Sometimes-

Erica: All in the same one.

Kenrya: Yo, sometimes we have books and it's hard to find a good scene. The book is great, right, but there's not a ton of sex in it. But with this one it was like, "Which one do we choose? There are so many."

Erica: Girl. And she writes... She not only writes the sex well, but she writes the anticipation and the hormones coursing through your body and just... Woo, girl. Even she wrote a fucking hand job great.

Kenrya: Yeah.

Erica: I was just-

Kenrya: I don't even like those.

Erica: I don't either, but I was like, "Goddamn, this bitch is just... This bitch." Oh, okay. So a little bit more about the story. So Katrina has a Patreon, so right now this book is only available to her Patreon subscribers. We'll make sure we include that in there. At some point she will be releasing this to the general public, but y'all...

Kenrya: Support a Black writer.

Erica: Support a Black writer, and support your regions. Because I tell you... Goddamn, goddamn, goddamn.

Kenrya: Your nethers.

Erica: I can't get past how fucking good the scenes were. And also, she did a great... So this is one of those books where it's written from everybody's perspective. She did a really good job of getting in everyone's head without making it seem like this, "Oh, crazy, fraught" kind of thing. But just...

Kenrya: Erica's mind is like the mind blown emoji.

Erica: That final scene.

Kenrya: Oh, yeah.

Erica: Oh my gosh. It was just...

Kenrya: And I was like, "I wasn't expecting that." I was like, "Oh, we get another."

Erica: Yeah, it was great. It was delightful. So yeah, it was...

Kenrya: Great.

Erica: Okay, so like we said, this was a couple. They had been together since they were in college. And one of the things I think that we forget is that you grow. You're never going to be the same person-

Kenrya: Hopefully.

Erica: ... in a relationship. And it is important for you to remember that, "Yo, we're changing and we need to learn how to love and operate and have a life and parent and all this with this changed person." So I think it was really dope that they were like, "Oh, shit. We need therapy to just make sure we're still on the same page." And they went to therapy while they were healthy.

Kenrya: I would say it was a very healthy decision that they made, right? And they didn't wait until shit had devolved like I think a lot of times-

Erica: Most people do.

Kenrya: Yeah. Things have gotten to the point where it feels like that is the only effort, only thing that you have, the only option that you have. And they were like, "We should do this preemptively."

Erica: And I thought that was so great. And there was a lot of thought in the book from primarily Nadia, but I think Darren did it a little bit too, about, "I'm not the same person I was when I was younger, and I am dealing with that part of me." Dealing with the grown and changed person. And also recognizing that what's good at some point in your relationship, ain't always going to be good. Them finding a girlfriend, ain't always going to be good, but... I mean, wouldn't have always been a good place-

Kenrya: For them.

Erica: ... a good thing for their relationship. But it was a step that was natural at that point.

Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Which really goes to that point that your relationship is what you make it, right?

Erica: Yes, this book-

Kenrya: You got to build the thing that works for you.

Erica: This book was a love letter to that idea, that it's what you make it. I'm going to jump ahead just a little bit, but I thought that it was very... They were committed to having a girlfriend. "We going to have a girlfriend, we going to incorporate her in our life. Our lives" Lives...

Kenrya: Lives is... Yes.

Erica: Lives.

Erica: "We're going to incorporate her in our lives." And I just thought, "Wow, y'all are really adults." Because I will say it takes a certain someone to be like... A certain fortitude to be like, "No, this is what the fuck works for me and my family, so we going to make it work." Because even as they were dating, they started having dreams of like, "Oh, all three of us. And us and the boys," and all of that. And I was like, "Whoa, this is like..."

Kenrya: Right. So one thing we haven't mentioned is that they had two children.

Erica: Yes.

Kenrya: And yeah, there was a lot of... I like that that was a part of the consideration was like, "We have kids and how do we introduce this change in our lives to our children?" And I don't want to give too much away, but that was a part of the story. But yeah, they were very committed and they went through a process together. I think the book opens with them swiping, looking for somebody.

Erica: Even just that fucking scene just drew me in. We going to have Katrina on this show and I'm going to... She's lucky we not in person, because I'm going to smack her. I would've smacked her and been like, "Bitch, why are you writing like this?"

Kenrya: Yeah, it's fucking dope.

Erica: And I think she'd appreciate it. So... Oh, were you going to say-

Kenrya: I was just going to say that Nadia was really, to me, the driving force of making this actually happen. Because Darren kept having these guilty moments. "I feel I'm cheating on my wife," and she was like, "Nigga, I'm on the phone."

Erica: Well, and the thing is also, I think Darren... If they didn't take this step, Darren would've been a nigga unhappy, not-

Kenrya: You think so?

Erica: Not unhappy, but he would have locked himself in. "This is what our relationship is. I love my wife. I'm not going to..." He would've been in happiness level 1B, where now he at happiness level 1A because he actually followed his wife's ideas. So, you get what I'm saying?

Kenrya: Yeah, yeah. She unlocked what they needed and he would've never brought it up because that's a lot.

Erica: That's his wife and his family and respect and da da da da.

Kenrya: Exactly. And he was really stuck in that.

Erica: Okay, so first, I apologize. I'm letting my hair grow out, and so I definitely feel like Moesha's daddy.

Kenrya: Frank!

Erica: Yeah, I feel like Frank Mitchell.

Kenrya: You do not look like Frank.

Erica: Because I got the Black man box.

Kenrya: No you don't.

Erica: This isn't.. This is a-

Kenrya: It's actually cute.

Erica: This is the "I'm old and I still have my hairline box" that old Black man do when they got their hairline. And like, "I'm going to stunt on these niggas." They do this.

Kenrya: What's the plan? You growing it out or what?

Erica: So, I don't know. I definitely want this grown out. This is going to come down. And I want the...

Kenrya: Oh, okay.

Erica: And I think I want a color, but I'm not sure because...

Kenrya: Your hair hadn't been holding color for a while, right?

Erica: It hadn't been holding color, but I don't think I was... I wasn't using... I was just washing my hair with Suave.

Kenrya: So you need to be taking better care of your hair. Just saying. Okay.

Erica: Okay, so them and the whole "fuck what y'all think, I'm going to do what I want" thing. It brought up something that I'm dealing with right now.

Kenrya: Oh, what?

Erica: So, I'm on the apps. I'm trying to date. So I changed my profile. First it was like, "Accepting men only." Right? So now I opened it up to nonbinary folk, right? I don't think I could be with a female presenting person, a feminine presenting person. Female presenting, feminine presenting. You get what I'm saying, right?

Erica: And I'm trying not to be... Not outrageous. Not trying to be offensive. Other O word. Not trying to be offensive, as I describe it. Yeah, I don't... I just... And the fact that I'm dealing with this has me wondering, "Am I dealing with this because I care about folks? I care about being with a male presenting person, or is it just that I just don't get my rocks from a female presenting person?"

Kenrya: Boo.

Erica: When I do kind of, because I have sex with them.

Kenrya: I'm about to say you eat pussy, so...

Erica: I mean, you ain't have to put it like that.

Kenrya: Sorry.

Erica: But I do. No, I'm fucking with you. But I don't know if I-

Kenrya: No, I'm just trying to... Yeah, talk to me about it.

Erica: I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And the fact that I was hesitant, makes me... Bothers me. So I don't know. Also, this person wasn't the hottest, so maybe if they were hotter, I'd be... But just the fact that I was just like, "Hmm, didn't think about this. I don't know if I can do this," has me wondering, "What the fuck is going on with me? What am I doing?"

Kenrya: Well, I mean, I don't know. We want to be with the people who we're attracted to, right? Maybe this is a therapy conversation to get at if it's... Is it just that person you're not attracted to? Is it female presenting folks who you're not attracted to?

Erica: That's what I'm...

Kenrya: Or is it... I don't know. I mean, we've talked before about your-

Erica: And they had long hair.

Kenrya: What is... So you just don't like people with long hair? No niggas with cornrows? No? No?

Erica: I swiped on a nigga with locs and it was like, "Okay, Erica."

Kenrya: Yeah, locs be upgrading niggas though. Because sometimes you'll see somebody without their locs and be like, "Holy [crosstalk 00:21:57]." Yeah, it's like a beard.

Erica: A fucking beard.

Kenrya: Yeah.

Erica: Beards. If I see a guy and he has one picture with no beard or short beard, I'm like, "Nope, because there's a possibility that you may go back there."

Kenrya: That you going to take that shit off.

Erica: And I'm going to be up-fucking-set. I'm going to be like, "Bruh."

Kenrya: I remember way back, it was some dude who I-

Erica: I'll be like, "Put this on your face so we can have sex."

Kenrya: I think-

Erica: Just keep little... Keep little merkins.

Kenrya: I think we talked about this, because it was also on “Schitt's Creek” where this chick was dating a dude and he had a beard and then he cut it off and she was like, "What the fuck? Who are you?"

Erica: Yeah, you told me. Yeah, give them a little merkins. Are merkins just for pussies and stuff?

Kenrya: I mean, yeah. Usually it's-

Erica: I mean for-

Kenrya: Yeah, to cover your vulva. It's a little vulva wig. But you know what, my partner did tell me that they have fake beards.

Erica: Fuck yeah, they're like lace fronts.

Kenrya: Oh my God. I don't understand. See? And this is... Okay, so you fucking with a dude who got a weak ass chin or a person with a weak chin who has a beard. And then when you have a baby with them, and then your baby don't have no chin.

Erica: Then you got a little weak chin baby.

Kenrya: It's like fucking with a Kardashian.

Erica: Or-

Kenrya: What is your kid going to look like?

Erica: Or they don't have no lips, and then you can't tell because they have on a beard. Because they wearing a beard.

Kenrya: No. I mean, you would feel that when you kiss them, but ugh.

Erica: It's just like a little slit [inaudible 00:23:34].

Kenrya: Ugh.

Erica: So you know what? So my therapist, our new therapist.

Kenrya: Our new therapist, yes.

Erica: Our new therapist. One, she's making me come weekly.

Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Me too.

Erica: So we can get to know each other. I'm like, "Girl, every week?" But it's been good. It's been fine, because... You guys missed it. Poops passed away.

Kenrya: Oh, yeah.

Erica: Our studio dog. He passed away over the holiday right before Christmas.

Kenrya: He did.

Erica: Had to put him down. It was a very sad situation. But a bitch is strong. And Brother's thinking about getting a dog, a little tiny dog. Yeah, so there'll be a little... And it's going to be his dog, but I've definitely been like, "Look at this. Don't you want to go see this one today? What about this?"

Kenrya: You know my child is going to be trying to commandeer a little dog. Lord.

Erica: And that is fine. That is fine. Oh, so seeing the new therapist and one of the things she told me to do, because I'm dealing with my raisin titty. And so she's like, "Find a body part that you love and stare at it in the mirror." And so it's been my lips because not everyone is blessed to have them.

Kenrya: It's true, it's true. Shit, I grew up my whole life being envious. So there's a... I call them the Rankin Lips. It's a very specific lip that my whole family has and I don't have them. And I like my lips, they're fine. But them Rankin Lips, they just... They're beautiful. They're just big and juicy and I don't have them. I covet.

Erica: So we have the Easter Eyebrows. Everybody got the thick ass-

Kenrya: Y'all sure do.

Erica: Everybody got thick ass eyebrows. We had a family... I guess a Zoom, but it's on Facebook or some shit. We did a family group chat Christmas Eve, and it was just like... In every fucking frame. And for the women it was just really defined.

Kenrya: Right.

Erica: And thick. In the nineties, my was shit was so not in fashion, but now a bitch is doing it right.

Kenrya: Mm-hmm (affirmative). That's what everybody be trying to get to.

Erica: Bitch is doing right.

Erica: Okay, so went to therapy when they're healthy, recognized that they have grown and wanted to try something new. They were such a cute couple. And not in an annoying, cheesy way. But just in a, "We love and support..." We need more books like that, like this.

Kenrya: With what? Very loving married couples?

Erica: More characters like this. Loving, married couples that aren't huge sweeping declarations. You could just tell that they loved each other in the simplicity and the thoughtfulness. Even the scene where he called her, he told her.... He told... Darren told Nadia.

Erica: Sorry, I keep forgetting the names, so I'm looking at... Darren told Nadia, "Stay home from work today." And then he ordered her favorite breakfast. So simple, but such a loving act. It's just... Ugh. They were so disgustingly cute in the most healthy, "Ooh, I want some of that," kind of way.

Kenrya: Hmm, yeah.

Erica: Hashtag couple goals. Except we don't like saying...

Kenrya: I'm about to say, I don't like that. But of course I'm sitting over here reminiscing about nice things.

Erica: Aww.

Kenrya: Yeah.

Erica: That's so sweet.

Kenrya: My partner has been trying to buy his leased car for weeks, and they've been giving him the runaround. It's like he trying to give them money and they just making things difficult. And one day he went to two dealerships and the bank, literally hours spent doing this, didn't get to eat.

Erica: Oh, no.

Kenrya: First he had to go see a client who was 45 minutes late. Then he had to go do all of that, and he hadn't eaten after he finished all of that. So by the time he got home, I had ordered him lunch so that when he got home, he would actually have something to eat as soon as he got there. His favorite meal to his door, because these are the things we do when we care about.

Erica: That's so sweet. Well, I'm looking. Please, Lord. I've seen what you've done for others. Please do that for me. Amen.

Kenrya: Amen.

Erica: Ashe. Abadullah.

Kenrya: Okay.

Erica: Oblongata.

Kenrya: I hate you.

Erica: Okay. So at one point in the story... Okay, I'm jumping ahead. Okay, so at one point in the story, Jordan lashes out at Darren. Won't give too many details, but she lashes out at Darren, and there were so many layers to it. But so many... When she later explained, he was like, "Oh, yeah, that makes sense."

Kenrya: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Erica: I've seen it, I've done it. It made so much sense. And it was pretty much coming from a place of he was genuinely trying to be helpful, but it was her feelings of inadequacy and embarrassment that caused her to lash out at him. And it just made me think like, "Oof, I've totally been in that situation."

Erica: I remember I was dating this guy, and this was... I think this was when I was making $2,700 a month. I mean, $27,000. Put another zero over that, Erica.

Kenrya: A year.

Erica: $27,000 a year, getting paid once a month. That's what it was.

Kenrya: Oh, I know where you were working

Erica: Child. I was struggling and surviving. Jesus on a good line. Good times.

Kenrya: Yep.

Erica: So that was where I was. And I remember I was dating this guy, and he would always come pick me up. And this particular day he was like, "I'm super busy, can't pick you up. Just come to my house and I'll reimburse you for the cab." Because he lived in one that was high rises. So it wasn't like... And this was...

Kenrya: Before Uber.

Erica: I wasn't in the covered wagon, but it was definitely before Uber. So I needed to pay this motherfucker when I got in. So I felt so inadequate, because I was like, "You don't even recognize that I ain't even got it to get to your place, to pay this man to get the money back from you when I get upstairs." So yeah. So, he was like, "Just come over. I'll pay back, da da da." And I lashed out, picked a fight, da da da.

Erica: So then he does this thing. He comes to pick me up. No, he was like, "I'm coming over there, because I don't know what the... This shit came out of nowhere. I'm coming there. What the fuck happened?" So he comes over. I'm still like, "I'm a bitch, you're an asshole." And so we get to the bottom of it, and he was like, "What?" And he writes me a $500 check on the spot, because he's just like, "Bitch, how about you not..."

Kenrya: You need to have some money in your pocket. Yeah.

Erica: Yeah, exactly. And I was just like, "Thanks."

Kenrya: Choked your damn self.

Erica: But it definitely reminded me of that situation. And it's tough, especially when you're used to handling it and...

Kenrya: Yeah, projecting is a thing that we sometimes do when we don't mean to. Even with small stuff. I'm struggling to think of a time I've done that in a romantic relationship, although I'm certain that I have. But I did it a couple of days ago with a friend. She's going through some stuff and I reached out and was like, "What can I do for you today?" And she didn't answer. And then when I texted her, we were texting later, and I asked again and she didn't answer. I texted her back and I said, "Yo."

Erica: “Look, bitch.”

Kenrya: Right. I was like, "Listen, I noticed that you ignored me both times when I asked how I could help. But I'm really serious about helping. What can I do?" And she was like, "I'm sorry. The first time I didn't see it. The second time I was trying to hurry up and finish washing dishes. I wasn't ignoring it." And I was like, "I'm sorry." And she's like, "Why?" I was like, "Because I'm projecting." I was like, "I have some friends who I have been trying to help, and they basically keep being like, 'You got enough of your own shit going on. You can't help me.'" And I was like, "And that actually really bothers me." I was like, "So I was projecting on you that you were doing the same thing that has been going on. And it's obviously bothering me, and I'm really sorry." And then I gave her some concrete suggestions on things I could do to help rather than expecting her to tell me what she could do. Which is also a thing that bothers me.

Erica: You are just such a fucking adult. I don't know how I ended up with you as a fucking best friend, because I just flop out and...

Kenrya: I'm just trying to be good to people. And, yeah. Also I get a lot of joy from helping the people who I care about. A lot. I'm realizing as I really pare down what I do in a day. So it means a lot to me when some of that thing that I do can be for somebody else. And so when folks are like, "Nah, you got too much." I'm like, "I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it."

Erica: Give me something to do to keep my mind off of all of the much that I have to do.

Kenrya: Yeah, it just brings me a lot of joy. But anyway, all that to say I projected and came in hot when I did not need to.

Erica: Ooh, child.

Kenrya: I'm like, "You was ignoring me."

Erica: Yeah, I come in hot. I definitely come in hot. Shit, my ex-husband could probably give you a million motherfucking situations where I came. I recognized that I was not always... Shit, I recognize that I'm still not always... But yeah, I definitely have come in hot, per se, on some shit knowing good and well, as my granny would say, loud and wrong. Loud and wrong.

Kenrya: It's a thing that we all are sometimes. One thing that was interesting to me, now that you bring up the conflict though, is that in a lot of romances the conflict feels a bit... Not manufactured, but...

Erica: If y'all had a cell phone, this shit would be over in three seconds.

Kenrya: Yeah.

Erica: Or... Yeah. Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Kenrya: But this felt like a genuine, deeply felt thing that she was dealing with. It felt earned, and it felt true to her character.

Erica: But also, because Katrina's such a good writer, she set us up for it. Not even realizing that we were... She set us up for it not even thinking that we were being set up. But then when you're like, "Oh, okay."

Kenrya: Oh, yeah.

Erica: So yeah, it was... Bitch is good.

Kenrya: Yeah. And then they resolved it like adults.

Erica: They resolve it like adults. And how do they resolve it? They run into each other. So-

Kenrya: Yeah, randomly.

Erica: What happened? So they lose touch and then they randomly run into to each other. Which you think about it, it's hard to lose people, but at the same time easy to lose people.

Erica: Just think about living here in the DC area. Your partner lived literally around the corner from you and you had never seen him ever in your entire life. I remember I ghosted a nigga that lived around the corner. I still ain't seen that nigga. Except one day I was walking down the street and heard a horn honk and I was like...

Kenrya: Could be him.

Erica: Could it be? But yeah. Yeah, so it's easy but difficult at the same time.

Kenrya: I'm about to say, but then you got African Santa coming up to me and grabbing my hand in the middle of Safeway after I disappeared on him, so...

Erica: Who was, again, every time I mention, I will mention that he was snowbese, meaning you weren't sure if it was a coat or his body.

Kenrya: That was a thing. But that was not the thing. The thing was that this nigga was talking about how I was going to give him beautiful Black babies the first time we talked on the phone.

Erica: Yeah. Oh my goodness. Okay, so I feel like men... I think I deleted the damn thread. I feel like men, they do this thing, especially in dating apps, where they talk... They try to be deep or they try to be doing too much and you be like, "Bruh."

Kenrya: “Shut up.”

Erica: “Shut the fuck up.” Okay, so I'm about to... So the nigga... So we matched.

Kenrya: Yes, share. Yes. Let me get my dragon fruit smoothie.

Erica: “Good morning, Erica, and Happy New Year. Looking through your profile, you seem eclectic and purposeful.”

Kenrya: Shut up, nigga.

Erica: “What part of your life are you most interested in growing in 2022? And is that part different than the most exciting part in your life?”

Kenrya: What did you just say?

Erica: I was like-

Kenrya: What? Huh?

Erica: So you know me, I'm trying, right? And I'm like, "You know what?" He didn't respond, because I realized I didn't have a full body pic, so I put a full body pic. And then when I put a full body pic, I kept getting like a [inaudible 00:39:17]. So I was like-

Kenrya: You know what? Right.

Erica: It wasn't that, so let's roll with it. So I'm not sure what we were... I responded like, "Oh, I have a lot going on, got a lot happening, hopeful about the new year." And so then I try to change it up, and I'm like, "So what's making you happy these days?" Because I just want to... No, I said, "What's bringing you joy these days?" Because I want to keep it light. I want to keep it light. He's like, "I'm always joyful. The joy has never left me."

Kenrya: Oh, God.

Erica: I said, "Okay, well what's making you happy?" "The fact that this conversation is going well is making me happy." Nigga. And you had locs, so why the fuck am I doing this?

Kenrya: The "the joy has never left me" is giving me "I'm blessed" vibes.

Erica: Yeah, “too blessed to be stressed.”

Kenrya: Exactly.

Erica: Amen. Okay, so I have this only because I screenshot this shit and send it to... I have a group of girlfriends that were always, "This one old nigga matched on me today. And do you know his fucking profile pic was a picture of him with Smokey Robinson?" He was like, "I'm going to flex on these hoes with Smokey. It was the worst." Okay.

Kenrya: Oh.

Erica: So, my response. So this is my response. This nigga is just like... Oh, I said, "What's making you happy?" He said, "I'm happy this banter is positive that we are crafting together."

Kenrya: Oh, no, I'm sorry.

Erica: So I said, "Look, so I'm not sure how to put this without a sounding shallow. So I guess it is, eye roll emoji. But typically when I initially match with someone, we get some sort of rapport before we jump in with the big questions. Right off the bat, it feels like an interview. You're probably a great guy, but this line of questioning feels like a lot before I'm sure there's even a spark."

Erica: Are you proud of me?

Kenrya: Yeah, that's very honest. What did he say back or did he unmatch after that?

Erica: So then he's like, "Well, you can control the conversation." Wait, what did he say? Hold on. Because this... I'm going to see if I can find it. I think I deleted it because... Yeah, I deleted it. Yeah, I deleted it. But it was something along the lines of like... He was like, "Well, you can lead the conversation. You can try." And I'm like, "Bruh, I tried when I asked you what the fuck's bringing you joy. You could have said, 'Hey, I want some new sneakers or...'"

Kenrya: “The sun is shining today.” Something, shit.

Erica: Something, motherfucker. Everything ain't got to be deep, goddamn. And the thing is, as you all can tell listeners, I talk. If we hit it off? Nigga, you going to hear all my hopes and dreams. You going to hear about the one time in seventh grade I scratched my knee at the fucking friendship dance because my pants, they were the jeans with the suede, but then the suede and then... Anyway. You going to get all of that, right? But goddamn. Off the bat? Fuck. Nigga. It just... Ugh.

Kenrya: Yeah, that's a lot.

Erica: It's a lot.

Kenrya: Well-

Erica: And it's like-

Kenrya: I don't know. For me, it's not... It just feels fake and forced.

Erica: Yeah. And if that's who you are, then great. But that's not who I need to be with. I need to coon with you just a little bit before we... I need some kikis before we start jumping into the “what are your fucking hopes and dreams?”

Kenrya: Because you want to know that it's somebody who you can ki with, right? Now's the time to be dazzling.

Kenrya: My partner's always like, "Listen. Yeah, okay. I look how I look." But he's like, "But I'm funny." He was like... I mean, he's fine. But he's like, he always feels like because he's not the tallest man... He taller than me. You know I really don't give a fuck. But he always felt like... He has the opposite... Well, it's not even the opposite of a little man complex. He just doesn't give a fuck. But he does recognize that people treat him differently because he's not six foot. He was like, "So I've just always been fucking funny." He was like, "I bring my A material. I know what my..." He's like, "I'm going to dazzle you, so..."

Erica: It ain't nothing wrong with that.

Kenrya: That works, yeah. Listen-

Erica: Partner, ain't nothing wrong with that.

Kenrya: He had me laughing from the very beginning. That shit works.

Erica: It's just like, "Bruh, you ain't got to do all that." And the entire time he's doing this, all I'm thinking is, "In front of my salad? In front of my fucking salad?" I don't know why that was in my brain, but it's like, "Nigga, you doing all this. Just chill. Tranquilo, tranquilo." That's what my brother say when I start coming in hot. He was like, "Tranquilo." Yeah.

Erica: Okay. Damn, how did we get here?

Kenrya: Oh, I don't know.

Erica: Okay, so anyway. Yeah. So... Oh, lost and found niggas. Ugh, okay.

Kenrya: Wait, lost and found niggas?

Erica: Yeah, yeah. African Santa?

Kenrya: Oh, God. Yeah, not being able to shake.

Erica: Yeah, not being able to shake niggas. Yeah. So anyway, but yeah. I just, with the dating thing, it's just like, "Dog, just be yourself." And you know what? Maybe he was being himself. And then-

Kenrya: Then that just means that his self was not for you.

Erica: Exactly. But then this starts me down this rabbit hole because the nigga had locs and I told you I don't like people with long hair. And so I'm like, "Well, fuck. This is what you get for compromising on your I don't want to date niggas with long hair." But then it's like, "Bitch, chill the fuck out."

Kenrya: He's one person.

Erica: It's not like we talking about-

Kenrya: He's not all the people.

Erica: Exactly. So it just, it wasn't a good look. Okay, another theme in this story was that both Darren and Nadia were really super involved parents and they did it so much so that they failed to care for themselves. But what I found really interesting was that the other person made sure that the other person was taking care of themself. Does that make sense?

Kenrya: I think so.

Erica: And it was beautiful. It's part of those sweet little things that the couple did for one another.

Erica: Okay, last thing. Part of what made these sex scenes fucking hot were how Katrina made it so that Jordan fueled Nadia's hunger for Darren. Or Jordan fueled Darren's hunger for Nadia. And that was so fucking sexy because they were like, "Look, I fucks with you hard. And I just saw her, and she made me hot, and I'm going to fuck with you even harder. And thinking about her and you and how you would enjoy her, then that makes me even hornier." It was just this whole... I'm thinking of those earth circles with the arrows of just hotness and sexiness.

Kenrya: Yeah, and she was very intentional about that. Getting him worked up and then sending him home to his wife. When they were still in their dating before they were all together or whatever.

Erica: But even when they were all together, because there was really only one scene where they were all together. Right?

Kenrya: Two, yeah.

Erica: Yeah, all right. Yeah.

Kenrya: Yeah.

Erica: The dog. It was good. And so, and I think that that's something that's normal and healthy. And I think that couples should stop denying that part of themselves. I just think that... I don't want you fantasizing about your kid's school teacher while you're fucking me, because you could actually be fucking your kid's school teacher, right? But I don't think that there's anything wrong in recognizing that you're attracted to other people and maybe that ass makes me want to tear up that ass a little bit more. Because I feel like people deny that part of themselves and, "The only person I ever want to see and love and fuck is you."

Erica: Mm, you probably had a... I mean that shit don't turn off immediately. And I'm not making an argument that people can't be monogamous or faithful or anything like that, but I am making the argument that when you get in a relationship, fucking-

Kenrya: Your eyes don't close.

Erica: ... attractions.

Kenrya: You don't-

Erica: Exactly.

Kenrya: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Erica: Yeah, and so I think if we're all honest about that, then maybe that'll throw a little spice in some shit. You might be excited about... I remember I was fucking this guy and he would always talk about having threesomes. Not always, but I knew I could make him come when I was like, "Yeah, imagine you fucking a chick." It's fantasy, y'all. It's okay. I mean, granted they incorporate a little bit more, but it's fantasy. It's a part of the situation. I don't think it's a bad thing.

Kenrya: No, I don't think it's a bad thing. It's interesting. I'm sitting here trying to think if I've ever fantasized... I don't know if I've ever fantasized about somebody else while I was with somebody.

Erica: I do. I do enough for the both of us then.

Kenrya: I don't think I have. Huh. I don't think I have. It doesn't mean, though, that I don't find other people attractive or anything like that. It's just not what I'm thinking about when I'm having sex with somebody. Huh.

Erica: And that's fine. But there's some people do and that's fine. As long as we ain't...

Kenrya: If you're not acting on it if that's not what your relationship is, then...

Erica: As long as we ain't monogamous. Yeah, as long as... Yeah.

Erica: So, yeah. That's all I got.

Kenrya: Word.

Erica: You got anything else?

Kenrya: Just... Yes, this book is behind a Patreon pay wall. Totally fucking worth it.

Erica: Totally worth it.

Kenrya: And y'all know how we feel about supporting Black women and nonbinary folk in their work. And so...

Erica: Do it.

Kenrya: I don't really know what to tell... It's...

Erica: It's good.

Kenrya: It is so good. And not just the sex scenes. Katrina's a wonderful writer.

Erica: Yes.

Kenrya: We read a lot of books to find books for the show.

Erica: Fucking on Bernie's bus. I will never get that shit out of my head.

Kenrya: What?

Erica: It is the equivalent of walking in on your parents having sex.

Kenrya: You talking about the first book for the pilot that we scrapped?

Erica: No, there was a book. I don't even... It was a book, and at some point in the story, these bitches was getting a train run on in Bernie Sanders' bus.

Kenrya: Oh, God. Yeah, that's bad. I mean-

Erica: Yeah.

Kenrya: Ugh, yeah. A lot of stuff don't make it.

Erica: A lot of stuff don't make it.

Kenrya: But this one was-

Erica: The ones that do? And this one is just-

Kenrya: From beginning to end.

Erica: She's great. I mean, we knew she was good with “Welcome to Seaport,” but this just...

Kenrya: It's interesting too, because I see-

Erica: Was this a short?

Kenrya: ... the growth. I don't think so. Maybe.

Erica: Yeah, I'm like, "I don't think so."

Kenrya: I remember she said she was supposed to be writing shorts, but she kept writing full-length projects.

Erica: Yeah. But yeah, it was fucking good.

Kenrya: Yeah, really and truly worth it.

Erica: So, please support our homegirl.

Kenrya: Yeah. She's dope and this book is dope. And yeah, she'll be on next week.

Erica: We'll see her next week.

Kenrya: Yeah, so get to [crosstalk 00:52:08].

Erica: All right, y'all. Well, we about to take a break and then we'll be back with-

Kenrya: What's turning us on.

Kenrya: Hey, y'all. Today's a great day to start your own podcast. Whether you're looking for a new marketing channel, have a message you want to share with the world or just think it'd be fun to have your own show like us, podcasting is an easy, inexpensive, and fun way to expand your reach online. And Buzzsprout is hands down the easiest and best way to launch, promote, and track your podcast. Your show gets put online and listed in all the major podcast directories like Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google, literally everything, within minutes of finishing and uploading your recording. We use it here for The Turn On and I can truly attest to the fact that it's pretty fucking dope.

Kenrya: Podcasting isn't hard when you have the right partners and the team at Buzzsprout is passionate about helping you succeed. So join over 100,000 podcasters like us who are already using Buzzsprout to get their message out to the world. Just click the link in our show notes and you'll be able to get your own account set up. And if you sign up for a paid plan, you'll get a $20 Amazon gift card and support our show. Let's create something great together. Sign up for Buzzsprout today.

Kenrya: Hey, y'all.

Erica: Okay, y'all.

Kenrya: So, we're back. And this week for what's turning us on, I don't even know what episode it was. I was talking about how with my disability I have a little bit harder time with doing a lot of stuff. And one of those things that's a little tougher is sex. And it's mostly because I have to keep my heart rate low, because when it goes high things go wonky.

Kenrya: And so I'm finding that the position that I'm in can have a huge effect on how much energy I'm expending and how high my heart rate goes. So when I stand up, my heart rate shoots up and my blood pressure drops down low. Not great. And so it means that you got to be careful when you're having sex.

Erica: We like dropping it low, just not blood pressures low.

Kenrya: Just not blood pressure, yes. And so, I've had this book sitting over here on my bookshelf. I've had this book for literal years. I can't even remember how long ago I bought this book. And it's funny because I was just opening it to look at it before we started talking. And it was cracking because I hardly ever open it, but when folks... Back when we were in our, I don't know, was it late-twenties, early-thirties when everybody was getting married?

Erica: Yeah.

Kenrya: And so a book, I used to... You know how I give books for gifts. And I would give folks two books, one for love and one for lust. So the one for love is this “Love Letters” book, and the one for lust has always been a copy of the “Kama Sutra.” Usually a really nice, beautifully illustrated. Mine is not as beautiful as theirs, but whatever.

Kenrya: But so as I've been thinking about ways that I can help keep my shit and my heart rate low, I have been begrudgingly thinking about new positions. Because we know I have a favorite, but that takes so much energy. And so it has forced me to go to the old faithful Kama Sutra to find positions that are better suited for the body that I am currently in. And so I am recommending a thing that is turning me on.

Kenrya: Oh, they sucking dick.

Erica: Ayy.

Kenrya: Is that you do some spring cleaning on your positions, right? We get stuck in-

Erica: Oh, I was going to say that pussy.

Kenrya: Oh, well, whatever organs you have.

Erica: Spring clean that bussy. I see. Yeah, that bussy.

Kenrya: So we get stuck in doing things in certain ways because it's the way that we know that we can get off and is what has worked for us for however long, whether it's with one partner or with all of our partners. Why not look into some new ways that you can get off? Whether it's because you need to, like me, or just because you want to try something new. You might find that there's some shit that you really, really like that you never thought that you should try just by looking in the Kama Sutra. So that's what's turning me on this week.

Erica: Yay. Well, I like that, because I feel like we've all... I was looking back here because I'm like...

Kenrya: You got a copy somewhere?

Erica: I know I got a copy, and it probably came from you.

Kenrya: Probably.

Erica: Here's the problem. So I've been reading somewhere that there's this group called Room Raters.

Kenrya: Yeah.

Erica: And they raid... They rate people's rooms.

Kenrya: Uh-huh (affirmative). The folks who are doing TV and Zoom webinars and shit.

Erica: And I have a friend who was like, "These motherfuckers took a point off." And I'm like, "Okay." But one of the things that they talk about is they don't like it when people have their books lined up according to color. And I do.

Erica: Hold on, let me see if I can get my camera.

Kenrya: Why not? Why they don't like that?

Erica: I guess they say it means that you don't read them or something.

Kenrya: But that's bullshit, because if you remember the cover then it helps you to be able to find. I know it's a blue book.

Erica: And the only books that I can find are the books up there because I know the color of... I know what the... The menu. I know what the cover looks like, and then I know where to go. The rest of these motherfucking books, I literally got to be like...

Kenrya: Right, that's stupid. That's like my closet is in... So after the last time that the fucking pole fell, when I finally put everything back up...

Erica: Oh, shit.

Kenrya: It's fallen three times.

Erica: I'm sorry, YouTubers.

Kenrya: And it's fell again. I don't even know why it fell this time because I replaced it with a metal pole instead of the cheap ass shit that was up there when I moved in. Anyway. But so my clothes are in color order now because it took me two fucking days to do it and get them up there. But it's just so much easier if I know that there's this particular black dress-

Erica: “I'm going for yellow today.”

Kenrya: Yeah, I can literally just go through all the fucking yellow. It's so much easier. People are wilin’. So, anyway.

Erica: Well, anyway.

Kenrya: Kama Sutra.

Erica: All right, y'all. Well, thank you for joining us for another episode of The Turn On. This is Erica and Kenrya, your two favorite hoes making it clap.

Kenrya: Bye.

[theme music]

Kenrya: This episode was produced by us, Kenrya and Erica, and edited by B'Lystic. The theme music is from Brazy. Hit subscribe right now in your favorite podcast app and at YouTube.com/TheTurnOnPodcast, so you'll never miss an episode.

Erica: Then follow us on Twitter @TheTurnOnPod and Instagram @TheTurnOnPodcast. And you can find links to books, transcripts, guest info, what's turning us on, and other fun stuff at TheTurnOnPodcast.com.

Kenrya: And don't forget to email us at TheTurnOnPodcast@gmail.com with your book recommendations and your pressing sex-and related questions.

Erica: And you can support the show by leaving us a five-star review, buying some merch or becoming a patron of the show. Just head to TheTurnOnPodcast.com to make that happen.

Kenrya: Thanks for listening and we'll see you soon. Holla.

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Season 5 | Episode 8 | Come Over

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