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This week, Erica and Kenrya talk about E's experience with a professional dom, overcoming hang ups around hiring sex workers and the importance of aftercare.
King Heff, Pro Dom | Instagram | Twitter | Linktree
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Kenrya: Come here. Get off.
Erica: Okay. So Killa.
Erica: I did a thing.
Kenrya: What did you do?
Erica: So, you know I quit my job, right?
Kenrya: I’m well aware.
Erica: So when I quit my job, I gave myself a gift and that gift was a session with a pro dom.
Erica: I decided we'd have a little storytime.
Kenrya: Yes. So we know how much y’all love storytimes and them shits is fun.
Erica: Okay. So store time, storytime.
Kenrya: Wait. I just realized we both wearing turbans. These are things y’all miss when y’all don't watch us on YouTube.
Erica: What'd you say?
Kenrya: I said, I just realized we are both wearing turbans.
Erica: Yeah. It's just because I need a haircut and just-
Kenrya: Do you know how long it's been since I wash and twisted my fucking hair?
Erica: You have a lot, so that's a lot.
Kenrya: It's so much hair and it takes so long, but I'm committed to doing it this weekend because I'm tired of looking at it.
Erica: Okay. All right, look at you.
Kenrya: Yeah. I'mma try.
Erica: Okay. Well, so you ready?
Kenrya: So tell me, storytime. Yes.
Erica: Okay. So you know for a while I've been saying that I'm really interested in BDSM. I've done light play, but I was like, I want to do a real scene with someone that knows what the fuck they're talking about. So, I follow pages and end up down rabbit holes. And so I follow a few doms and there was this one dom that I started following-
Kenrya: On IG?
Erica: Yeah. This one dom that I started following and just physically everything, totally my type. Totally my type.
Kenrya: So it's a big Black nigga with a beard?
Erica: Exactly, with a big gray beard. So I was like, yes. So I have been following him for a while and one day he posted a video and it was a short snippet of a session with somebody. And I instantly remember going to his DMs like, oh, okay. I'm booking a session, what's good?
Erica: So, he travels, he does a lot of stuff. He's always everywhere. So he was like, these are the dates that I'm in DC. I'm like, I won't be available, but let me know. So long story short, he comes back to DC on a date that I can do it. So I'm like, let's go at it. So leading up to the session... And once I booked the session first, I booked the session and then he was like, send me a list of your hard and soft limits. And he sent me a couple articles to read about BDSM and spankings and all of that. And he's like, what do you want to get out of this? And I was just like, ummm. I ain't say that. Because I was just like, look, I've never done this and I'd really like to experience it.
Erica: So, weeks go by, I'm like fucking off I never sent him the list. So then he kind of turns into like daddy mode and he's like, “I need this shit by Friday.” And I was like, “Okay.” And he's like, “Okay, what?” And I was like, “Oh we doing this. Okay Daddy Heff.” His name is King Heff, he's on Instagram @KingHeffs. I'll link him because y’all would want to see, y’all want to are going to want to have a session. So anyway, so I sent him the information and my session was on a Monday. So he gets to town that Sunday and he's doing a... He also does these seminars. So he was doing a choking seminar, like how to properly choke a bitch. It was not called how to properly choke a bitch, but he probably said it how to probably choke a bitch, a couple times in it. So he calls me the night before my session, before his seminar.
Kenrya: Choke a bitch situation.
Erica: So he is like, “Hey, I got an Airbnb. We're doing the session. If you want, you can come by, you can see the session, see the workshop and it'll be a good chance for us to kind of meet before you show up like, hey girl, get spanked.” So I was like, “All right.” So I did it. So I show up at his house and he's there. One of his submissive is there and they're mad cool, we talk, drink a little bit. Yada yada. Session starts, and I am just like, “Nigga sign me up. Oh wait, tomorrow!”
Kenrya: Right. And so wait, the session is on like-
Erica: He does it via Zoom.
Kenrya: Zoom or something? He's streaming?
Erica: Yeah. He does it via Zoom, you buy tickets and all that. And it was just amazing. He chokes, but while he's choking you he's whispering shit in your ear. Have you seen the tapping thing where people do this or they do this?
Erica: He does that shit while he's choking you out. So he's like choking you and tapping your forehead and whispering shit in your ear. And it is just like, “Nigga, now. Please. Thank you very much.” So session was over, went well. Yay. So I'm leaving. He's like, “Hey, take a cookie, eat this cookie tomorrow. Right before your session.” I was like, “All right, cool.” And I'm noticing that he had, he sells these cookies, but I was like, whatever. So I was just like, “All right, I'll take the cookie.” So go home. Next morning, he texted me, he's like, “Everything good? Ready to come over?” I'm like, “Yep.” Get over there at our intended time.
Kenrya: And you had already taken a cookie.
Erica: Yeah. I ate the cookie and then I headed over there. So one of the things that is such a turn on is the consent involved in negotiating in these scenes. So I walk in and like I said, we're in an Airbnb, and it's like a typical DC house. So you walk in first floor steps right in front of you.
Kenrya: Steps right there.
Erica: Exactly. So I come in, he's there, his submissive is there. She's setting stuff up. She has water out for me, water out for him. And she's like, “Okay, y’all have a good time.” Gives him kiss and she rolls. And I was like, time for this to begin. So I looked to my left and on the couch are all these implements, all these accoutrements.
Erica: And we went through every single one, one by one. “Erica, can I use this on you?” And I was like, “Yeah.” “Erica, can I use this on you?” So he has this one flogger, it's pretty, but it looks scary because it's got like rubber tails on it and rubber I'm afraid of, because I'm like, that shit probably hurt more than usual. So I was like, I don't know. And he was like, talk to me, this is about communication. I was like, “I'm afraid of it.” And he was like, “It's okay.” And he puts it in the no pile and then he has... So he had a bunch of different floggers. He had this little thing, you know when you see people making ravioli and they're like cutting the sides of it?
Kenrya: Yeah. I think it's called a Wartenberg wheel, that thing?
Erica: Yeah. So he had one of the motherfuckers and I was like, okay. And I went to a workshop conference a while back and they had electro play. They were talking about electro play. And so I was like, “I don't know because when I did it in the seminar, you standing in a fucking hotel conference room and she's like, and I'm like, I don't know.” So I was like, “Let's put this on the maybe pile.”
Kenrya: Maybe, yeah.
Erica: And then the final piece, he has a hood and he's like, “Can I use this on you?” And I was like, “Yep.” Because the idea of sensory deprivation just oh, makes me excited.
Kenrya: What that a different experience than using just a regular mask or whatever?
Erica: Yeah, because the hood you ain't seeing nothing. You know how with a mask, if you doing too much, you can be like... A hood-
Kenrya: A cheater.
Erica: Yeah. Hood ain't no thing.
Kenrya: And then is it just like a space for you to breathe and-
Erica: It's literally like a hole cut on the mouth.
Kenrya: In your mouth? Okay.
Erica: And that's it. So once we're finishing negotiating, he's like, all right, hood goes on. I was like, “Oh shit.”
Kenrya: It's time.
Erica: It's time. Let's get ready to rumble.
Kenrya: I think you got to pay to say that now. You might want to be careful.
Erica: Oh shoot, you do? All right.
Kenrya: Well, no one's allowed to use it because dude owns it. Wow. And then he retired. So when you watch boxing now like Top Rank and shit like that, all the announces have bootlegs ass, janky ass, fucking catch phrases, because they're not allowed to say let's get ready to rumble.
Erica: Tonight let's fight. Get it tight.
Erica: Whatever nigga. Okay. So bam, let's go at it. So he guides me by my hand over like a love seat and I am in it. I get on my knees and I'm like on my knees leaned over the love seat with my butt on the air, right? Oh, what was I wearing? I went with lingerie because I was like, I want to feel sexy. I want to feel sensual, so I had on lingerie. So here I am, ass up, face down and it starts. So first he starts off slow. So he'll do hand spankings and then he'll alternate it. And he'll hit you with the flogger. And it's really interesting because... If you spank something for so long, your skin gets hot. So then he would lightly rub his fingers across my butt to like...
Kenrya: Take some of the sting away?
Erica: Yeah. Or it was like, he knew just enough to make it hurt when you're like, “Oh my God, that hurts so bad. I'm not sure if I can take anymore.” And before I even say anything, he's like, whoop let's switch it up. So you're constantly going to this pain threshold. And it was just, I was just, bitch. He's like spanking me and shit. And it was amazing that I was... I usually got to fuck to come. I got to fuck. I need some clit action. I need something to come. Girl, this shit had me like ready to come, just from spanking me, all this shit. Then I hear him kind of walk off. He comes back. This motherfucker have floggers in the freezer.
Erica: And then so also when you're getting flogged, they do this whippy thing. So they like, you feel the air, but it doesn't hit you. So then you're feeling cold air and then it's like, bitch, it was amazing. So then he takes me over to a chair, leads me by my hand to a chair, cuffs my hands behind my back. And I am just like, this is definitely an exercise in trust. You have to trust this person because I mean like, bitch a bunch of little motherfuckers could have came kicking me in my gut and I would have been stuck.
Erica: So I'm sitting in a chair and this nigga... So up until this point, it was mainly the flogger. He would kind of run his nails against my skin or spank me with his hand. But then he was like, it's time to use some other shit. This motherfucker had a vibrator. And he started poking me with the vibrator in different parts of my body. Bitch, this nigga hit my lower back and I came. I came, I squirted everywhere. It was like-
Kenrya: The fuck?
Erica: It was amazing. It was amazing. And it was like an intense ass orgasm.
Kenrya: From your lower back.
Erica: It was so intense. It was like all of my body, it was like I was one big ass clit. It was like, everything was connected and it was oh. So, the cookies we're wondering about, the cookies he sells them. They're called like pussydoodle, they're like snickerdoodles, but they make your pussy wet and no fucking lie, I am not a squirter. I am not a squirter. You know them little fountains in the parks? That was me the entire time.
Erica: So much so, at one point I could hear him sloshing through, stepping in wet shit. I was like, someone going to have to clean this shit up. It was fucking amazing. Like it was so fucking amazing. So then he pulls out the little electro play thing. So an electro play thingy, I don't even know, wand, it looks like an immersion blender. You know how an immersion blender has a handle and then the little thing is sticking-
Kenrya: Yeah, you got me an immersion blender for Christmas a couple years ago. And I got you one too. The same year.
Erica: Exactly. Right. So it has all these different tips. So it has like a little bulb tip. You run it across, but then it has some pointed tips, but it also has this attachment because one it was over, I was like, nigga I need to see this.
Kenrya: I need to see what the fuck, yeah.
Erica: It's this attachment. It's like a metal plate. So he put it in his waistband. So the metal plate sits against your body and you hold the wand and you adjust the power on it. But because the metal plate is against your body, your entire body is electrified. So every time he ran his hand against my arm, it was like light electricity. And you can change the intensity. We started at a really low intensity. So it kind of felt like... This is a horrible description, it felt like I was in soda bubbles, what's the thing called? It was so nice. And so, he is doing that and he is like, other shit. And he kind of turns it up. And that's the thing.
Erica: I think if I ever was just to be fucking and a nigga pull out a fucking cane and smacks me against the ass, I'm going to be like, “What the fuck?” Bitch, by the end of this, he’s like smacking me hard as fuck with a cane. And I was like, “Oh, this is great.”
Kenrya: Because y’all worked up to this, my guess. Right?
Erica: Exactly. And it was so fucking amazing. I came a million times. Oh, sorry, let me end it first before I give the recap. So here I am squirting, and coming and coming, and squirting and coming and squirting. So then I get out of chair, he unlocks me, puts me back in the chair with my butt up and he has an anal plug. And so here's the thing with anal. I've talked about it. I have a love, hate relationship with it. I love it. But I just, I don't anal train. Girl by the time we got there-
Kenrya: It's a lot of work.
Erica: That nigga was like, that's me with a water bottle. Okay, maybe it wasn't a water bottle, but I was so loose and it was just-
Kenrya: All that coming.
Kenrya: It got to open your booty hole.
Erica: Yeah. That was it. It like released everything. It was amazing, nothing short of amazing. When it was all said and done, I felt like I had like... You know how you leave a spa and you're just like, your body feels light and wibbly? And that is how I felt. It was fucking amazing.
Kenrya: That's what’s up.
Erica: And then when it's all over with, he's like, “What do you need? Do you need a hug? Do you need to sit there alone?” I was like, “Give me some water.” I'm standing there like a little baby drinking down water. It was amazing. Nothing short of amazing. I have decided that this is something that I will regularly do for myself because it was amazing. And it compares in no way, shape or form to just some random nigga saying, “Hey, I know how to whoop your ass.”
Kenrya: That's what I was going to ask, it feels like because he is a professional, that this is some next level shit than just some nigga who wants to smack your ass.
Erica: Yes, he's a pro. And so I think he has years of experience of knowing how to take you to your highs and your lows. But I also feel like if your partner was just really determined to listen and pay attention and do this, I think it's possible for your partner to do it. But I think it's just something that, this ain't just walking in and smacking a bitch on her ass. This ain't just choking a motherfucker out. There's so much more to it that people miss out on. And he provided it. I was like, yo, this shit is...
Kenrya: What did the aftercare look like? I know you said he gave you a bunch of water, but what else was involved in aftercare? That's such a big part of BDSM, I know.
Erica: For me, I like snuggles. So he literally sat there and held me on the couch and snuggled. It was great. Some people like, “I need frozen Reese's cups.” Okay. Everyone gets their own thing. And I think maybe once I do it more, I probably will find what my thing is. But for this situation it was cuddles and we literally sat down the couch and he held me kind of, it was just like, I just needed to come down. I was like buzzing. And so I just needed something to hold me-
Kenrya: Some containment.
Erica: As everything came down.
Kenrya: What, what did you learn about yourself in this process?
Erica: It's a mindfuck. And Daddy Heff always says like, where the mind goes, the body will follow. I think he says somebody else said it, but I don't remember, but where the mind goes, the body will follow. And that is so true. I was amazed, I thought that I was the type of person that generally needed just penetrative sex or some sort of action on my clit. But it was truly like for the first time I saw my entire body as one sexual organ, it was beautiful.
Kenrya: Maybe this is that, but I'm going to ask it anyway, was there anything that was surprising about the process?
Erica: Bitch, how I squirted like a motherfucker. I was like, God damn. I was surprised. I was truly surprised about that piece. I was also surprised at how cool everybody was, like him, his submissive. It was just like, okay, I see why this works. Everybody was just cool and chill and all of that.
Kenrya: Is there anything that you would've done differently? Hindsight, being 20/20?
Erica: I probably wouldn't have waited so long to do it. Personally, I had hang ups about... We all have hang ups. But I made a very conscious decision to employ a sex worker for my gratification. And so then you're like, I'm hiring a John, that kind of shit. And now I'm just like, going through it, I'm like some of y’all need to try this. Some of y’all walking around and you need to just need to be properly unwound. And I hate that, that was a thing because I consider myself very sex positive and yada, yada. But it was always like a, “You like it? I love it. It ain't my thing.” But no, it's totally my thing. Because also, you get what you paid for, and I paid for a professional that knew exactly what the fuck he was doing and how to do it as opposed to spending my time at Olive Garden with a motherfucker, who brought me home, spit on his dick and thought he was doing some, right?
Kenrya: Yikes. That makes me think about, two things like at various times, as you said earlier, talked about the possibility of integrating more BDSM into your sexual relationships. And then you also just said that you're planning on doing this in terms of working with a pro worker on kind of a regular basis. I'm wondering how you think you might integrate, what you learned and what you experienced into your sex life with your current partners? If at all, maybe you won't.
Erica: That's the thing. So I think I am going to... Here's the thing, I feel like having gone through this, I feel like this is something you got to study for. You got to know what the fuck you're doing. And I've had really great partners, sexual partners. The one sexual partner, I think that would really be into like, “Okay, let me figure this out” and that kind of thing. He told me from the beginning, “I have an allergy to pain. I have an allergy to my pain and inflicting pain,” so that he's out the window. And then the other motherfucker is like, “If these niggas ask me to take some courses to fuck them better, I'd be like…“
Kenrya: “Fuck, that's too much work.”
Erica: All right. And then I do that thing we talked about in the other episode, ghosting. So I think right now that's something that I would necessarily incorporate, but I definitely see... Once I end up in a monogamous relationship and we're riding this shit out like, nigga you got to go to seminars, we got to do something because it was just great. So here's the thing, we talked about anal a lot, and I feel like there's so much talk about women, how to prepare for anal, how to do anal. There's no training for men on how to do anal. And there is a lot of shit that goes into anal for men that they just don't think about. They just think it's just like, you show up [crosstalk 00:28:13].
Kenrya: People with penises.
Erica: That's the same way with BDSM. I feel like, niggas just show up thinking, this is easy. And it's like, no. You have to be conscious and conscientious about what you're doing, especially if you're doing it right. As a submissive, as a bottom, you have safe words and they talk about slipping into subspace where you're just kind of like in a trance. And not that you're unable to function, but you're in a trance and just kind of enjoying what's going on. And so your dom has to be paying attention to make sure that you're safe because you might be so into it that you don't... Forget your safe word, there's so much that goes in into it. And I think that it's something I would definitely want in a monogamous relationship. I feel like it's work. And I don't quite know if I have a partner right now that I'm willing to invest all that in.
Kenrya: That makes sense. What about in unpartnered situations? Going to Dungeons, events, that kind of thing?
Erica: So, I think I'll do the hooded thing. I am realizing the more I deal with my nails that I definitely have a nail fetish. I love rubbing my nails against somebody's back and that kind of thing. I am down for light spankings maybe, but the scene that I had with Daddy Heff is going to have to be with somebody that knows what the fuck they are doing.
Kenrya: All right. Is there anything I didn't ask you that you wish I had?
Erica: No, it was a good session overall. It was a really good session overall. So I recommend, if y’all interested, and there are tons of doms on the internet. There are women that are doms. There are men that are doms. There are theys that are doms. And so find one that works for you. Because Instagram has all these rules, you probably got to follow most on Twitter or go to conventions, expos, that kind of thing, you'll meet people. And yeah, enjoy. But I say, if you are unsure about it, this is your sign. Do it.
Kenrya: Actually, I just thought of another question that I think some folks might ask. So y’all had penetrative sex with toys, but was there actual flesh on flesh, penetrative sex? Is that a part of that experience?
Erica: No. And one of the things that I learned, because when I was at the Sex Down South conference, there was a dom there and he was there with his submissive and a lot of women were interested in it and they were like, “How do I find one?” And he was like, “Look, I'm going to be honest, some of these niggas just do it because they want pussy.” And so they ended up doing it for pussy. And I get it. Totally see how things could happen. But yeah, it's possible to do it without it, and actually the few Black doms that I know that I think, of most of them are in relationships and have they're submissive and this is just something else they do, bringing smiles to lonely divorcees.
Kenrya: Okay bitch. Word. Well, thank you for the storytime. I hope y’all enjoy it.
Erica: Yes, it was dope. It was dope. I'm telling y’all treat yourself, don't cheat yourself. It was great.
Kenrya: Dope. All right. Well y’all check out the show notes for information on, what's Daddy Heff?
Erica: On Daddy Heff, King Heffs. I call him Daddy Heff now that he's beat my ass.
Kenrya: King Heffs, excuse me. Although I feel like now it might be harder for you to get an appointment. Yeah. You might have given out too much information.
Erica: The niggas ain't cheap. Here look, it ain't like you out running getting a McDonald's meal.
Kenrya: If you want to-
Erica: If you want to spend by all means.
Erica: Yeah. But Daddy Heff, I do need to be at the front of the line when it comes to scheduling. Please and thank you.
Kenrya: All right. Yes.
Erica: But yeah, it was dope.
Kenrya: That wraps up this week's quickie. Thank y’all for listening. We'll see y’all next week.
Kenrya: This episode was produced by us, Kenrya and Erica, and edited by B'Lystic. The theme music is from Brazy. Hit subscribe right now in your favorite podcast app and at YouTube.com/TheTurnOnPodcast, so you'll never miss an episode.
Erica: Then follow us on Twitter @TheTurnOnPod and Instagram @TheTurnOnPodcast. And you can find links to books, transcripts, guest info, what's turning us on, and other fun stuff at TheTurnOnPodcast.com.
Kenrya: And don't forget to email us at TheTurnOnPodcast@gmail.com with your book recommendations and your pressing sex-and related questions.
Erica: And you can support the show by leaving us a five-star review, buying some merch or becoming a patron of the show. Just head to TheTurnOnPodcast.com to make that happen.
Kenrya: Thanks for listening and we'll see you soon. Holla.
The Turn On
The Turn On is a podcast for Black people who want to get off. To open their minds. To learn. To be part of a community. To show that we love and fuck too, and it doesn't have to be political or scandalous or dirty. Unless we want it to be.